Why did he/she break up with you?

[newmoon]

my ex told me:

 

 

1. I was insulting towards him

2. I was difficult, always fighting and not peaceful

 

 

those were his top reasons. can't say he's wrong, lol

 

 

but he could have just broken it off, instead he cheated. and of course we both vowed from the start to respect one another enough to just get out before cheating. so, his reasons were ok, his way of exiting was not.

 

 

I believe I got honest answers from him. we were friends for a long time prior.

[KCCK]

Told me she had already being going out with another guy behind my back... When I start to ask more questions and why (a big mistake), she starts saying I am useless, cant make her happy, the new guy is better etc... the end... XD

[sun1972]

There have been two splits with my ex

 

First one (1 year 2 months ago)

 

Given Reason: ' Im not sure how i feel anymore, i think my feelings have faded over time because of the distance between us, i know i love you but im not sure im in love with you'

 

Real reason: I think she was being honest.

 

I didnt walk away... and we were back together within 4 days

 

This time was sort of mutual, but i raised it

 

Reason: I cant see us ever closing the distance between us, without that there is no future, i love you lots.. but i know your not happy and you wont be happy while in this situation

 

Real: I was being honest, but i wonder if she believed me.

[singme2sleep]

but he could have just broken it off, instead he cheated. and of course we both vowed from the start to respect one another enough to just get out before cheating. so, his reasons were ok, his way of exiting was not.

 

I can somewhat relate. Me and my ex vowed to always be honest and tell each other how we were feeling, no matter what. Instead of him telling me what was going on in his head, he just bailed and cut me out of his life. It's a real sting when someone vows to always be in your life and then morphs into a stranger!

 

For once I'd like to meet an individual who stands by their words & keeps their promises.

[hrtblds2ez]

1) things moving too fast.

2) lots of unresolved issues with her ex and lawyers, court, etc...

3) didn't have the time she said i deserve.

4) mommy said why are you getting in another relationship.

5) well...this one's on me. I made a comment about marriage that she didn't like and it threw a red flag up! after she told me this i asked to talk when she had her space so I can clarify things about what I said. She agreed. I feel like a real ***hole for saying it though.

[Never Again]

What she told me:

 

- "I don't feel the way I think I'm supposed to feel at a year into a relationship"

- "I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know if I ever want to get married, have kids, where I want my career to go...or even if I want to end up with a boy or girl." (Had one experience with a girl, ever, years ago. So...buh?)

- "I'm happy every time I talk to you and think about you all the time...but I feel like I don't miss you enough when you're gone."

- "I still think you're attractive...but I don't feel the romantic connection, I don't feel the spark right now."

- "I think we just started dating too soon after my last relationship ended. I've never been on my own for more than 2 months...I've never had a year on my own to learn to be alone...I think I need that."

- "I feel like we went backwards - we barely knew each other, and then we jumped right into dating and got so close so fast...and then slowed down."

 

Lots of self-reflection have shown me that she left because the "spark" faded...and this happened because I collapsed.

 

I was under a lot of stress and couldn't cope, and became too passive in the relationship. I wasn't assertive in the slightest for 6 weeks, and totally killed her attraction for me.

 

Yes, she should have communicated with me somehow before the end...but she didn't seem to know what was happening or why. She just wasn't feeling the relationship anymore.

[me85]

I can somewhat relate. Me and my ex vowed to always be honest and tell each other how we were feeling, no matter what. Instead of him telling me what was going on in his head, he just bailed and cut me out of his life. It's a real sting when someone vows to always be in your life and then morphs into a stranger!

 

For once I'd like to meet an individual who stands by their words & keeps their promises.

 

ME TOO Singme! Love what all you posted.

 

My ex says we fought everyday & we just weren't ever happy & he's confused, doesn't know what he wants...blah blah blah. He wants to "know not think that I'm the one." Seriously? After 3 years you don't know?

 

WTF?!

 

It's true, we did fight...a lot...over stupid stuff because he was immature and aggressive & a complete insensitive JERK. Too many things he said & did that everyone on here would agree to him being a complete JERK for but I won't go there.

 

But we DID NOT fight everyday and we weren't unhappy all the time. And it pisses me off that he says that, then goes from saying that to "missing & loving me so much" & wanting us to work on it. & last night telling me I was still his best friend. WOW.

 

I'm also pissed because he never communicated how unhappy he was to me. He just quit without trying. Showing zero respect for me & our relationship.

 

He just wants to sleep with whoever he wants and see if he finds better.

 

BOTTOM LINE.

Edited November 21, 2013 by me85

[Dumped85]

# She told me she wasn't feeling a connection anymore.

#That it felt more like a friendship.

#That we had nothing in common, I say bull**** but any way.

#She said she wasn't happy.

# That she wasn't herself with me.

 

I feel on my part is because I gave up the chase, relied on her to initiate. Against my own judgement. I feel she got bored that her needs weren't being met. I knew I should've made more effort.And that I had a bit of a jealous streak in me, which I shrugged of when I got pulled up for it during the RS. But I was content in having someone in my life. I bottled my emotions up and was scared id push her away. But it was what I didn't do that pushed her away.I let myself down in a big way.

Edited November 21, 2013 by Dumped85

[Never Again]

I feel on my part is because I gave up the chase, relied on her to initiate. Against my own judgement. I feel she got bored that her needs weren't being met. I knew I should've made more effort.I bottled my emotions up and was scared id push her away. But it was what I didn't do that pushed her away.I let myself down in a big way.

 

Sounds very similar to my story.

 

I sort of "settled in" to the relationship for 6-8 weeks, and that was that, she didn't feel the connection anymore. I feel like I just wasn't meeting her needs anymore...but that I COULD have if I'd only known.

 

The thing I've learned to do is accept what I did wrong, but be mindful that my ex was at fault too...just as yours was.

 

She could have said something. If she was becoming bored or frustrated, she should have opened her mouth. "Signs" just aren't enough sometimes.

[Jmk21]

30andsad you pretty much described me and my ex to a T

 

I wasn't giving enough. Not social enough, selfish. No empathy. Wouldn't say sorry unless I really was sorry(I think it's overused in everyday life) made her feel like she wasn't important somehow. Yet I did the 45min drive to her house almost every god damn day to see her. I didn't want kids right now but I do want them.

 

ultimately what it was is i wasn't as good as the next guy

 

Her: major major people pleaser. Very emotional. Needy. Extremely non confrontational. It was always about what I wanted to do and not her. And quite possibly babyfever since her younger cousin just had a kid

[Dumped85]

Sounds very similar to my story.

 

I sort of "settled in" to the relationship for 6-8 weeks, and that was that, she didn't feel the connection anymore. I feel like I just wasn't meeting her needs anymore...but that I COULD have if I'd only known.

 

The thing I've learned to do is accept what I did wrong, but be mindful that my ex was at fault too...just as yours was.

 

She could have said something. If she was becoming bored or frustrated, she should have opened her mouth. "Signs" just aren't enough sometimes.

 

I hate it, and being the man I feel more responsible for things. Seeing that I initially asked for the RS to begin with.

[me85]

# She told me she wasn't feeling a connection anymore.

#That it felt more like a friendship.

#That we had nothing in common, I say bull**** but any way.

#She said she wasn't happy.

# That she wasn't herself with me.

 

I feel on my part is because I gave up the chase, relied on her to initiate. Against my own judgement. I feel she got bored that her needs weren't being met. I knew I should've made more effort.And that I had a bit of a jealous streak in me, which I shrugged of when I got pulled up for it during the RS. But I was content in having someone in my life. I bottled my emotions up and was scared id push her away. But it was what I didn't do that pushed her away.I let myself down in a big way.

 

 

HUGS Dumped85!

 

That's just so sad.

 

 

My ex never came right out and said it but I OBVIOUSLY didn't make him happy. Which is hard to accept. He didn't make me truly happy all the time either but that's what most people will never get about making a RS last...the other person is not going to make you happy all the time. If you love someone, truly love someone, you don't leave because they "didn't make you happy." That is a selfish choice on their part. It's up to them to make themselves "happy" by expressing their feelings & putting forth an effort. The other person is not a mind reader.

 

That's the difference between me and my ex. I know what love is and he does not. I know that love is not always being "happy" with the person you're with but knowing their worth and maintaining the RS to make it last because there is still love there.

 

(drops mic & walks away)

[Never Again]

HUGS Dumped85!

 

That's just so sad.

 

 

My ex never came right out and said it but I OBVIOUSLY didn't make him happy. Which is hard to accept. He didn't make me truly happy all the time either but that's what most people will never get about making a RS last...the other person is not going to make you happy all the time. If you love someone, truly love someone, you don't leave because they "didn't make you happy." That is a selfish choice on their part. It's up to them to make themselves "happy" by expressing their feelings & putting forth an effort. The other person is not a mind reader.

 

That's the difference between me and my ex. I know what love is and he does not. I know that love is not always being "happy" with the person you're with but knowing their worth and maintaining the RS to make it last because there is still love there.

 

(drops mic & walks away)

 

Agreed.

 

To quote oracle: Expectations are the source of disappointment.

 

He mentioned it for another reason, but I will add this - many people leave great relationships because of their unchecked expectations.

 

I've noticed that many people expect to feel a certain way at a certain time with no work - when their expectations are not met, they become disappointed. This disappointment leads to resentment, which drives people apart.

 

I would argue that a relationship shouldn't be actively making you UNHAPPY, but you're right - the purpose of a relationship is not to make you happy all the time. Happiness comes from within. The purpose of a relationship is to love, grow, and provide companionship.

 

If something is not going the way you want in a relationship, the only way to correct that is by communicating. Expecting it to just "work out" is a huge sign of immaturity.

[Svenko]

She said these things: She doesn't know who she really is, her feelings are turning more for friendly feelings (that's not true lol), the distance is too much (250 km is much I agree and we saw each other one time per month since I went to college), she needs to figure herself out, live her life, does not want to regret anything, blah blah blah. And NC? Nope, not for me because obviously I love to torture myself. I still can't accept the fact it's all over forever. It's been 2 weeks. 2 weeks, I realize it's over but can't accept. I still have habit of saying "I love you" even though I don't say it. It comes to my thought. So yeah I am friendzoned pretty much. And don't know how to act. If I act all NC I'm gonna let her down. And I am better than this. I can't just abandon people even if they abandon me. My goodness will be the end of me I swear. I am just too good to people even to those who hurt me deeply. My heart is torn out and I still don't go NC to start healing. Can't bring myself to that.

[me85]

Agreed.

 

To quote oracle: Expectations are the source of disappointment.

 

He mentioned it for another reason, but I will add this - many people leave great relationships because of their unchecked expectations.

 

I've noticed that many people expect to feel a certain way at a certain time with no work - when their expectations are not met, they become disappointed. This disappointment leads to resentment, which drives people apart.

 

I would argue that a relationship shouldn't be actively making you UNHAPPY, but you're right - the purpose of a relationship is not to make you happy all the time. Happiness comes from within. The purpose of a relationship is to love, grow, and provide companionship.

 

If something is not going the way you want in a relationship, the only way to correct that is by communicating. Expecting it to just "work out" is a huge sign of immaturity.

 

Thanks!

 

Yes, my ex seems to think (as do many) that it's just supposed to work out on it's on naturally. HA! What a crock of crap! Every single person I know who is married says it takes WORK. You're going to fight, cry, all of it--EVERYTHING. That's loving someone.

 

Now, he hurt me & just put me thru the freaking ringer & I pushed his buttons but it is he who is truly the broken one, who then broke me in the end. I tried so hard to help him emotionally (as most women do-big mistake) and just teach him how to communicate but you are so right, my ex expected it to just "work out" & that IS immuturity.

Why is so very immature? Doesn't he know that NONE of his RSs will ever last until HE changes? I changed, I admitted my faults but him do that? NEVER. His ex left him for a reason & he's left me...but still can't say what exactly I did wrong in the RS. He knows I was great to him. As he says "I love him more than any other girl has ever loved him." Then why throw something like that away? Because you don't feel the same? Well then freaking SAY it. He never has & never will because he wants to keep me as his "option."

 

Sorr for ranting. Woo I got heated! lol

[Maggotface]

Umm got dumped about 6 hours ago! After a year long relationship, awesome stuff. Told me I didnt do anything wrong that he hasnt been happy for a long time (ya know just faking it with HIM talking of marriage and a house together in the near future) and most likely wasnt even in love with my anymore. If he wasnt happy he did a damn good job of hiding it, never acted any different was always excited to see me up until this morning!?

[Sparky9]

I cheated ...deserved what I'm getting. Now feel terrible that I ripped our family apart. Wish every second I could take it back.

Edited November 22, 2013 by Sparky9

[freebird31]

Of course the real reason might never be told,but what reasons did your dumper give you when breaking up?Did it make sense to you?

 

Said he felt he always upset me.(He got a job, no longer had time for me and i so spoke up about this!) Said he just simply didnt want a relationship.

 

Who knows what the real reason was but i strongly believe hes not ready to make a serious committment. We are too young, 21! just way too young. I expected a lot from him becuase i know what i want in a relationship and refused to be taken for granted or be put last. I approached the situation wrong by being so demanding (lesson LEARNED) BUT again, i know what i want. Next time i know better to work out these issues in better ways than how I did. But i have also realized i am no where near ready for a relationship right now either way.

[freebird31]

Said he felt he always upset me.(He got a job, no longer had time for me and i so spoke up about this!) Said he just simply didnt want a relationship.

 

Who knows what the real reason was but i strongly believe hes not ready to make a serious committment. We are too young, 21! just way too young. I expected a lot from him becuase i know what i want in a relationship and refused to be taken for granted or be put last. I approached the situation wrong by being so demanding (lesson LEARNED) BUT again, i know what i want. Next time i know better to work out these issues in better ways than how I did. But i have also realized i am no where near ready for a relationship right now either way.

 

ALSO. It did not make sense to me at first. In the beginning, nothing made sense to me. I believed he just didnt care about me and he didnt like me at all. But he gave a lot of mixed signals and he wouldnt leave me alone he wanted me to stay a part of his life. I didnt and could not handle that. 7 months later with enough reflection over the situation, i just think he didnt really know the answers himself. But i believe, simply put hes just not ready for a committed relationship. It takes a lot of energy, work, time, dedication, love, trust, among many other components. Love is just ONE. you have to want the whole package to make it work. Thats just a lot to ask for from a 21 year old guy about to move away for college. CMON. BE REAL HERE. age is a huge factor.

[freebird31]

Lots of self-reflection have shown me that she left because the "spark" faded...and this happened because I collapsed.

 

I was under a lot of stress and couldn't cope, and became too passive in the relationship. I wasn't assertive in the slightest for 6 weeks, and totally killed her attraction for me.

 

Yes, she should have communicated with me somehow before the end...but she didn't seem to know what was happening or why. She just wasn't feeling the relationship anymore.

 

i think a lot of relationships like this end because of immaturity. People are not informed about what "love" really is and what a real realtionship is supposed to consist of. Hard work and dedication, COMMUNICATION. They just move along to the next relationship hoping to find that "missing" component and are usually set up for a rude awakeing.

[Jmk21]

I'll admit I didn't push for the relationship with my ex. The more I think about it the more I see it was all wrong. She was 6-7 months out of a 11yr relationship with this guy she was married to for 7-8years and was kinda seeing this other guy before she met me. I kept her at arms distance for almost 2 months and she pursued me heavily, asked me for commitment. She dropped the first ILUs, I thought I did the right thing by telling her I didn't know if I loved her yet, it was only 3 months into our relationship. I thought she was a stronger person.

 

I told her I didn't want anything serious until she was divorced and I have her 3 months to take care of it, she took care of it like her ass was on fire. I've been in a relationship with a divorcee before and it was not so good on me.

 

Throughout our relationship though I started to feel like I was supposed to be filling the roles of a husband, which I wasn't ready for in the least.

[Mz_sassy_77]

I'll admit I didn't push for the relationship with my ex. The more I think about it the more I see it was all wrong. She was 6-7 months out of a 11yr relationship with this guy she was married to for 7-8years and was kinda seeing this other guy before she met me. I kept her at arms distance for almost 2 months and she pursued me heavily, asked me for commitment. She dropped the first ILUs, I thought I did the right thing by telling her I didn't know if I loved her yet, it was only 3 months into our relationship. I thought she was a stronger person.

 

I told her I didn't want anything serious until she was divorced and I have her 3 months to take care of it, she took care of it like her ass was on fire. I've been in a relationship with a divorcee before and it was not so good on me.

 

Throughout our relationship though I started to feel like I was supposed to be filling the roles of a husband, which I wasn't ready for in the least.

 

Similar situation with a divorced guy. I don't think he ever really dealt with his divorce and his feelings about it. I think that he was desperate to have someone to fill the void that was left and just moved onto me. He also said ILU first and very early on in the RS. He pursued me and came on very strong. I will tread carefully with another divorced person. Only now I am out of the RS do i clearly see the many issues that he has.

[headinthecloud]

He couldn't give me what I needed...a committed relationship. He thought it was ok to cheat under certain circumstances. That should've been when I ran but no, I believed him when told me he was wrong for telling me this. I never trusted him after that and in the end had good reason not to. He was more committed to his friendships than to us. We just weren't compatible.

[Jmk21]

Oh yeah I hear you on divorcees. Mine has a dependency problem. I learned she NEEDS somebody there. She hasn't been single since 15 and shes 29 now. She married her hs sweetheart and he cheated on her and she left him. So I'm her 2nd serious relationship. I shoulda seen this coming lol. She came on heavy as hell too. Took me to Vegas for my bday,Florida for another one, and we vacationed in the Virgin Islands. It was all too much too soon for stuff like that. Like what did I DO to deserve that awesome sheet

[Never Again]

i think a lot of relationships like this end because of immaturity. People are not informed about what "love" really is and what a real realtionship is supposed to consist of. Hard work and dedication, COMMUNICATION. They just move along to the next relationship hoping to find that "missing" component and are usually set up for a rude awakeing.

 

I don't disagree, but to be fair to her...I wasn't putting in as much work or communication as I should've been either.

 

I was struggling to cope and deal with my own issues, and didn't let her in because I didn't want to burden her with so much negativity. She sensed how troubled I was, but never asked.

 

I pumped the brakes on the relationship so we'd both have time and space to deal with our own stuff - and again, she said nothing.

 

And we rapidly faded to gray because of it.