scarletibis Posted January 9, 2005 Posted January 9, 2005 KMT, I feel for you sweety, I really do! I have been right where you are, but this curiosity about "stuff" is gonna drive you totally crazy. I KNOW! Early on in my relationship with MM (from beginning to about 1.5 - 2 years I'd guess) I was just like yourself. I made myself sick (literally at times) thinking/wondering what he was doing over the weekends. It's like this all consuming thought. It will make you nuts if you can't find a way to curb it...but maybe that just comes with time. I make no judgements what so ever though about your feelings and your train of thought because I know EXACTLY how you feel. "Stuff" could be anything. Just random things. Maybe he is in no way trying to evade answering your questions, maybe he's just got a lot on his mind. He's keeping a relationship going with not only you, but his W, it has to be kinda time consuming (mentally.) But we OW only have our thoughts on one man, a man we don't get to see as much as we like so we seem to have all the time in the world to dwell on little things and little details, so naturally we do. But, I totally agree with the previous poster who stated that out of sight isn't always out of mind. Just because he is not with you doesn't mean he is not thinking of you. If it makes you feel better these obessesive thoughts do fade as the years go by. At least for myself they have a great deal, but yeah, being alone on weekends and such does still hurt and does make them surface again from time to time. You know, I myself on occasion even do to my MM what your MM is doing to you with all the "stuff" remarks. It doesn't mean I wasn't thinking of him, or was doing something bad, sometimes I just don't feel like talking, or am just feeling lazy. Case in point: My MM called me the other day to chat and asked about my week, what I had been doing, asked if anything exciting was happening. My reply: "I don't know! I don't remember. I know I did something but whatever." I swear, sometimes I get so mentally lazy. It didn't impede our conversation or make him upset, he just went with it and we had a pleasant talk. Man, I sure changed in 4 years let me tell ya! Maybe he's just the same way. I hope I was at least a tad helpful. I know once these thoughts start its hard to stop 'em - especially when you're feeling upset or lonely! Keep your chin you!
Author KissMyTiara Posted January 9, 2005 Author Posted January 9, 2005 Originally posted by Mr Spock Perhaps it's PMS but Saturday and Sunday have sucked...... LOL, I know what you mean. I just looked at my calendar to check how my hormones are doing, and whattdya know...it's crying time. Knowing that makes me feel just a little bit more sane.
Author KissMyTiara Posted January 9, 2005 Author Posted January 9, 2005 Originally posted by scarletibis If it makes you feel better these obessesive thoughts do fade as the years go by. At least for myself they have a great deal, but yeah, being alone on weekends and such does still hurt and does make them surface again from time to time. You know, I myself on occasion even do to my MM what your MM is doing to you with all the "stuff" remarks. It doesn't mean I wasn't thinking of him, or was doing something bad, sometimes I just don't feel like talking, or am just feeling lazy. Case in point: My MM called me the other day to chat and asked about my week, what I had been doing, asked if anything exciting was happening. My reply: "I don't know! I don't remember. I know I did something but whatever." I swear, sometimes I get so mentally lazy. It didn't impede our conversation or make him upset, he just went with it and we had a pleasant talk. Man, I sure changed in 4 years let me tell ya! Maybe he's just the same way. I hope I was at least a tad helpful. I know once these thoughts start its hard to stop 'em - especially when you're feeling upset or lonely! Keep your chin you! Very helpful - at least I know someone else has been right where I am... I don't really obsess over what he's doing, it's just really, literally, curiosity. I never push him to open up, when he says "Oh I have/had a bunch of **** to do," I never press it. Sometimes I just figure it out, like the time when he was with me he called a neighbor to ask to borrow his tall ladder, and then complained about the crappy weather...and then after the weekend passed, complained about how long it took him to put up the Christmas lights...see what I mean? When he does something fun for him, I hear about it (basketball game, birthday party, kids to the zoo, etc.) If it's the little things (she had neighbors over for dinner, had to clean the garage, etc.), then I guess he just keeps quiet. I totally agree with you though - I think not sharing about all the little crap sometimes is just because of mental laziness...he doesn't want to rehash what he's done. It's just frustrating because I always tell him what I've done, and I've usually done something fun...except this weekend, this weather is ridiculous! AND we tell each other every little thing that happens during the week... Anyways. I'm just PMSing and missing my guy.
mourningMM Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 You are better off not knowing about the stuff...it is his life with his wife, and really not something that he should be sharing with you. If you MM has shared is love and attention and affection and emotion with you, maybe you should be generous and leave his wife some privacy for the day-in day-out living. It is really all she has of her own with him. Maybe in his own way he is trying to respect her privacy. Maybe he took her on a date...maybe he is trying to spare your feelings. I know you've been waffling on how to get out or whether to get out... Short term, you deserve more than he can give you. Long term, you deserve a better man than he is. Be strong and focus on what you do to fill up time, and make plans to do things that are so interesting that you'll be saying no to him when he calls. Call your friends, get tickets to a show, make plans for weekends away...make seeing him inconvenient for yourself. And if it is PMS, I strongly recommend some good eye-candy movies, a pint of Hagen-Daz chocolate ice cream, and a nice bottle of champagne!
Leaf Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Ice Cream and Champagne! You are a genius! Thats what I am having tonight. Screw MM.. he can take all his "I love yous" and shove em!
mourningMM Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Best "eye-candy" movie on DVD? Ocean's 11!!! And of course the oldie but goodie of Top Gun. Enjoy the ice cream and Champagne...but don't actually mix them. I tried it once (like an ice cream soda) Really gross.
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