Feeling like crap after not getting a reply..

[PinkCarnations]

I had the most amazing night with a guy I met online. We met for drinks, talked a lot (with him initiating the conversation mostly), danced, and he even kissed me first. (not the first date, btw). At one point, he asked if I was going to leave with him or whether I was going to rejoin my friends (who were at a nearby bar), and I said "I better go home tonight." He said ok, that's cool or something to that effect. Later, I asked if the dating culture was different here in the west coast because a lot of guys I've been meeting tend to think that I would immediately 'go home with them.' And he acknowledged that there may be a bit of a difference dating-wise between guys here and guys back in the South (where I'm originally from). He added, "You said no, and I respect that." I kinda laughed it off and we continued hugging/kissing the rest of the night. When he dropped me off at the bar my friends were at, we kissed goodnight, and he said to call him the next day or something. After he left, I continued barhopping with my friends. I later got a text from him asking if I was home okay. I said, "nope.. lol." He asked, "Okay.. where r u?" I said I was still out at so and so place and also asked "are u warm and cozy in bed? :)" he replied, "I am. :)" I never replied to that because I was busy drinking and hanging out with friends. But the next morning, I texted him "good morning :)" He didn't reply.. The day went by, and before I went to sleep, I texted him "How was your day?" He didn't reply to that either.

 

So a day passed by, and I decided to text him one last time, "Are u mad at me?" I know, 3 texts in a row - Horrible, but I really wanted to know if he was trying to blow me off or if there was something I did wrong which I needed to remedy. He answered the next morning, "haha no just busy with work and fighting off what feels like me getting sick." I didn't reply.. He said he wasn't mad at me, which meant that he ignored my messages because he didn't want to talk to me - so therefore, he's not really into me.. I held on to that belief for the remainder of the week.

 

Saturday night came around (1 week later), and I didn't go out because I had to study and prep for an interview. I was so bored.. I checked my personal blog and saw some views. (i made the blog viewable to him via Facebook) I usually dont get views unless they're spam, so I thought it was him reading my blog. I really thought it'd be him looking at my blog because he seemed to know quite a bit about me last time we talked. With that notion in mind, I bravely texted him, ":P" and "what r u up to?"

 

No reply. Guess he DID blow me off, and I delusionally thought he was thinking about me by checking my blog. It was probably just spam viewers. Now I feel like crap and it's affecting my productivity.. So hard to focus when I'm feeling this way. I like to go on this site because you guys always have words of encouragement / motivation to help me move on with my life. I've been talking to this guy since July, and I really liked him, so things are a little tough to dismiss.

Edited November 11, 2013 by PinkCarnations

[Leigh 87]

Keep it simple. You were into a guy, but he wasn't into you enough to be with you and to try to make that happen.

 

You handled things well. You didn't blow up his phone. 3 or 4 texts once a guy ignores you is not "crazy" territory. Especially since you left him a week after the thirs text.

 

It is no big deal. Have a sook for a day, feel sad he didn't like you that much, and then forget it and be excited about meeting the right guy.

[xpaperxcutx]

If he was so straight forward to ask u to go home with hIm, he ws certainly looking for an easy lay.

Be glad you didnt go home with him.

[ArcaneLady]

I think you're going to have to write this one off. You had fun, but you both have communication issues after the fact - a similar (but briefer) issue of what I've just gone through. Simple fact is if you're meant to be you'll both find a way and you haven't. Sad to say, you need to be strong and just put him behind you. You can't dwell on what light have been - it didn't happen. If it's affecting your productivity you need to focus on that and not him. It is so hard to be firm and cut things off, but I had to and it's the only way. I refuse To mope over things; I tried, he didn't and that's all there is. You can't make happen something that isn't there. I hope you find someone who you can communicate with.

[Leigh 87]

And I hear thousands of women on here, literally thousands, go on an "amazing" date.

 

SOOO many women think that they had an "amazing" connection, an "amazing" date an that the guy is just "amazing":lmao:

 

The thing is, most of the time, the guy does not feel the same way about them.

 

Women tend to want to project their feelings onto the guy. Just because they think things are "amazing", they wrongly assume the guy MUST feel what they feel.

 

Remember: it is possible to have what YOU consider an amazing date, only for the guy to dissapear.

 

It takes time. Many dates. Months. It takes TIME to determine if a guy is genuine.

 

Good on you for not going home with him. A guy who is truly into you will just jerk off if he is horny, and opt to just spend time with you, without sex, because he really wants to just be around you in general. Sex or no sex on the table.

 

It takes moths to determine if a guy is genuine, and even then he could be an actor and a liar. The very least you can do to protect yourself and preserve your dignity, is to refrain from sex early on, ad let the guy SHOW you how mch he wants to spend time with you. Without sex involved.

[GG3]

I don't think you over texted him or anything. It sounds like he was just looking for quick sex. I think you should be glad you didn't.

[GG3]

And I hear thousands of women on here, literally thousands, go on an "amazing" date.

 

SOOO many women think that they had an "amazing" connection, an "amazing" date an that the guy is just "amazing":lmao:

 

The thing is, most of the time, the guy does not feel the same way about them.

 

Women tend to want to project their feelings onto the guy. Just because they think things are "amazing", they wrongly assume the guy MUST feel what they feel.

 

Remember: it is possible to have what YOU consider an amazing date, only for the guy to dissapear.

 

It takes time. Many dates. Months. It takes TIME to determine if a guy is genuine.

 

Good on you for not going home with him. A guy who is truly into you will just jerk off if he is horny, and opt to just spend time with you, without sex, because he really wants to just be around you in general. Sex or no sex on the table.

 

It takes moths to determine if a guy is genuine, and even then he could be an actor and a liar. The very least you can do to protect yourself and preserve your dignity, is to refrain from sex early on, ad let the guy SHOW you how mch he wants to spend time with you. Without sex involved.

 

Is it really women projecting or are these guys acting into them to get the girls to sleep with them? I think a lot of times it's the latter.

[ArcaneLady]

Oh god, blaming the woman AGAIN. Are you actually a woman Leigh or a misogynistic man looking to prove an agenda?? Nearly every post I've seen from you since I rejoined has blamed the woman for all the dating woes. Maybe the women are here because they're the only ones who make an effort to communicate!

[winny]

Ok I just wanna add here something from my experience.

First thing, this guy was looking for easy sex. But he didn't get it. So now he will try to ignore u a bit. So that u go all crazy. There is a good chance he will come back to u again n meet u up. This time he will hope that he has made u crazy enough for u to sleep with him. Bcoz all this while when he ignored u.. u might have thought that sleeping with him was that right thing to do n u should do it now..

So if he ever comes back.. just show him the door...

And if he doesn't... good riddance!

[Eternal Sunshine]

He just wanted to sleep with you. When he texted you while you were still out that night, he was hoping that you will change your mind and end up at his place. When you didn't, he was done and didn't feel like putting more effort in.

[winny]

Please don't feel like crap... u did a great job...

[PinkCarnations]

He just wanted to sleep with you. When he texted you while you were still out that night, he was hoping that you will change your mind and end up at his place. When you didn't, he was done and didn't feel like putting more effort in.

 

I never thought about it like that, but thanks for the enlightenment. Explains a lot.

[Leigh 87]

Oh god, blaming the woman AGAIN. Are you actually a woman Leigh or a misogynistic man looking to prove an agenda?? Nearly every post I've seen from you since I rejoined has blamed the woman for all the dating woes. Maybe the women are here because they're the only ones who make an effort to communicate!

 

 

 

 

I'm not blaming her at all. I happen to have good women friends who I am very supportive of.

 

I am pointing out that, an awful LOT of the time, it is WOMEN that have an amazing date, only to get confused and, in turn, make numerous threads here, wondering WHAT happened when the guy just stops contacting them.

 

My only point I make is that just because a woman feels that the date went amazing, it doesn't mean the man feels he same way, nor that he wants to invest in dating or a relationship.

 

I am 27 and I have learnt a lot about men so far, through dating a lot and making mistakes.

 

The biggest mistake I see wome making is that they assume that a guy likes them, just because the dates are so "amazing":lmao:

 

I am stressing that it takes TIME to get to know a guys rtue intentions, so to not invest much or be too perturbed if a guy ACTS all into you, only to change his mind early on. Or dissapear alltogether.

 

There are plenty of nice guys out there, however, it takes a long time for most women to find a guy THEY are crazy about, and one who also feels the same way about them. Therefore, there are a lot of misses, dissapearing acts and guys who fade out slowly after the first date, EVEN THOUGH the woman thinks things were "wonderful".

 

From now on, I suggest the OP expects a few guys to do the same thing, and good on her for holding back from sex.

 

She will sooner avert the jerks who lie, pretend the are into a girl to get sex, and then dissapear (rather then having the decency to have a ONS, instead of leading a girl on to believe they like them, knowing full well the girl wants more than a one time thing).

 

The OP did well, she came on here so I am just giving her my advice from my own experience.

 

She did well. She didn't act "crazy". She didn't give it up to this guy, who is clearly not all that into her.

[Blade96]

I had the most amazing night with a guy I met online. We met for drinks, talked a lot (with him initiating the conversation mostly), danced, and he even kissed me first. (not the first date, btw). At one point, he asked if I was going to leave with him or whether I was going to rejoin my friends (who were at a nearby bar), and I said "I better go home tonight." He said ok, that's cool or something to that effect. Later, I asked if the dating culture was different here in the west coast because a lot of guys I've been meeting tend to think that I would immediately 'go home with them.' And he acknowledged that there may be a bit of a difference dating-wise between guys here and guys back in the South (where I'm originally from). He added, "You said no, and I respect that." I kinda laughed it off and we continued hugging/kissing the rest of the night. When he dropped me off at the bar my friends were at, we kissed goodnight, and he said to call him the next day or something. After he left, I continued barhopping with my friends. I later got a text from him asking if I was home okay. I said, "nope.. lol." He asked, "Okay.. where r u?" I said I was still out at so and so place and also asked "are u warm and cozy in bed? :)" he replied, "I am. :)" I never replied to that because I was busy drinking and hanging out with friends. But the next morning, I texted him "good morning :)" He didn't reply.. The day went by, and before I went to sleep, I texted him "How was your day?" He didn't reply to that either.

 

So a day passed by, and I decided to text him one last time, "Are u mad at me?" I know, 3 texts in a row - Horrible, but I really wanted to know if he was trying to blow me off or if there was something I did wrong which I needed to remedy. He answered the next morning, "haha no just busy with work and fighting off what feels like me getting sick." I didn't reply.. He said he wasn't mad at me, which meant that he ignored my messages because he didn't want to talk to me - so therefore, he's not really into me.. I held on to that belief for the remainder of the week.

 

Saturday night came around (1 week later), and I didn't go out because I had to study and prep for an interview. I was so bored.. I checked my personal blog and saw some views. (i made the blog viewable to him via Facebook) I usually dont get views unless they're spam, so I thought it was him reading my blog. I really thought it'd be him looking at my blog because he seemed to know quite a bit about me last time we talked. With that notion in mind, I bravely texted him, ":P" and "what r u up to?"

 

No reply. Guess he DID blow me off, and I delusionally thought he was thinking about me by checking my blog. It was probably just spam viewers. Now I feel like crap and it's affecting my productivity.. So hard to focus when I'm feeling this way. I like to go on this site because you guys always have words of encouragement / motivation to help me move on with my life. I've been talking to this guy since July, and I really liked him, so things are a little tough to dismiss.

 

You did well. You handled it beautifully. I've been there. In university I hung out with and made out with a guy too and then yes I wrote him just a couple times, like you did, and realized he wasn';t into me. So yeah, I left him alone too.

 

Yes, as someone else said, Have a sook for a little while, and then live your life. And realize there ARE guys some of who will be your friends and some who will like to date you - and all of them will like your maturity.

 

Best of luck!

[Leigh 87]

Is it really women projecting or are these guys acting into them to get the girls to sleep with them? I think a lot of times it's the latter.

 

 

 

 

Unfortunately, this happens all the time and I am fully aware that guys often act really into a girl, in order to get sex.

 

I mean in this girls case, just because SHE thought the date was " amazing", in the future, she should not ASSUME that just because "she" thought they had such a "wonderful" time together, it in no way means that this guy felt the same way or that he is all that into her.

 

Until his ACTIONS showed that, he too thought it was that awesome, she should just have considered him "another guy she is getting to know, no expectations"

 

She was a little shaken when he dissapeared. Well, in future, I think she shouldn't project her feelings onto the guy, and assume that, until he proves himself over a period of months, he could really not feel the same way about things as she does.

 

I am never surprised when dudes dissapear. In my case, they do seem genuinely into me, too. They just change their mind, since I am a little different and guys either love it or can't handle it.

 

I have learnt from the past two guys, that it takes TIME to see if they will stick around, or if they are for real.

 

It has taken me two guys to know that dissapearing occurs often, or guys act like they fall hard and fast, only to run away just as quickly....

 

 

 

I hope the OP is not " surprised" or " too dissapointed, if another guys is to just fade or break up with her, even when SHE feels what they have is " magical"

 

After a year or more? Yeah. They would be a liar and total con artist if they were to reveal that they were going to just up and leave for no reason, when they seeme totally head over heals in love with you.

 

A few months in? Anything can still happen.

 

A week in? The OP really had NO idea of who he was. It makes total sense to more experienced people that guys can and will just fade out after some "amazing" dates.

 

I am trying to get the OP to consider not expecting TOO MUCH from a guy early on. A lot can happen.

[PinkCarnations]

Unfortunately, this happens all the time and I am fully aware that guys often act really into a girl, in order to get sex.

 

I mean in this girls case, just because SHE thought the date was " amazing", in the future, she should not ASSUME that just because "she" thought they had such a "wonderful" time together, it in no way means that this guy felt the same way or that he is all that into her.

 

Until his ACTIONS showed that, he too thought it was that awesome, she should just have considered him "another guy she is getting to know, no expectations"

 

She was a little shaken when he dissapeared. Well, in future, I think she shouldn't project her feelings onto the guy, and assume that, until he proves himself over a period of months, he could really not feel the same way about things as she does.

 

I am never surprised when dudes dissapear. In my case, they do seem genuinely into me, too. They just change their mind, since I am a little different and guys either love it or can't handle it.

 

I have learnt from the past two guys, that it takes TIME to see if they will stick around, or if they are for real.

 

It has taken me two guys to know that dissapearing occurs often, or guys act like they fall hard and fast, only to run away just as quickly....

 

 

 

I hope the OP is not " surprised" or " too dissapointed, if another guys is to just fade or break up with her, even when SHE feels what they have is " magical"

 

After a year or more? Yeah. They would be a liar and total con artist if they were to reveal that they were going to just up and leave for no reason, when they seeme totally head over heals in love with you.

 

A few months in? Anything can still happen.

 

A week in? The OP really had NO idea of who he was. It makes total sense to more experienced people that guys can and will just fade out after some "amazing" dates.

 

I am trying to get the OP to consider not expecting TOO MUCH from a guy early on. A lot can happen.

 

Thanks for the wake-up call. I REALLY REALLY needed it. Reading over your messages is actually helping me. Anyways, I guess I was shocked because this never really happened to me before. Then again, I'm not an experienced dater (i've only had a couple boyfriends), and I've always felt like guys I liked usually like me back (granted, they become jerks later on, but initially, they're interested and want to date me).

 

But then I settled into a new city and because I know absolutely no one, I try online dating. Online dating, I learned now, is also a portal for guys to find an easy lay and most guys on there aren't as serious about relationships as they make themselves out to be. At the end of the day, I didn't sleep with him. I didn't act crazy. and I gave it a try. So i have no regrets.

 

I'll definitely keep your advice in mind for next time. I can't be too emotionally invested until I know my feelings are reciprocated.

[Leigh 87]

I too, first turned to online dating when I moved states and knew NO ONE!

 

I actually met my first bf from it, and we lasted years!

 

Anyways, look, I am sure this guy DID quiet like you... I do not think they totally DIDNT like you and 100% pretended to like you:lmao:

 

It takes a lot for a guy to feel motivated to drop everything for you... they can really like you yet without feeling THAT way about you, if that makes sense?

 

You handled things really well.

 

Sorry if I came across as harsh, it is NO the womens fault if a guy acts genuine then isn't.

 

What you can do as a woman, is to realise that females get carried away more than guys do normally, when they meet someone. You're PRONE to meeting a guy you really think you connected with, only for him to like you but not be THAT into you.

 

Just accept that you really like a guy, but don't have any expectations. Do not expect that ALL men who seem like they really like you will stick around.

[myothernic2]

I had the most amazing night with a guy I met online. We met for drinks, talked a lot (with him initiating the conversation mostly), danced, and he even kissed me first. (not the first date, btw). At one point, he asked if I was going to leave with him or whether I was going to rejoin my friends (who were at a nearby bar), and I said "I better go home tonight." He said ok, that's cool or something to that effect. Later, I asked if the dating culture was different here in the west coast because a lot of guys I've been meeting tend to think that I would immediately 'go home with them.' And he acknowledged that there may be a bit of a difference dating-wise between guys here and guys back in the South (where I'm originally from). He added, "You said no, and I respect that." I kinda laughed it off and we continued hugging/kissing the rest of the night. When he dropped me off at the bar my friends were at, we kissed goodnight, and he said to call him the next day or something. After he left, I continued barhopping with my friends. I later got a text from him asking if I was home okay. I said, "nope.. lol." He asked, "Okay.. where r u?" I said I was still out at so and so place and also asked "are u warm and cozy in bed? :)" he replied, "I am. :)" I never replied to that because I was busy drinking and hanging out with friends. But the next morning, I texted him "good morning :)" He didn't reply.. The day went by, and before I went to sleep, I texted him "How was your day?" He didn't reply to that either.

 

So a day passed by, and I decided to text him one last time, "Are u mad at me?" I know, 3 texts in a row - Horrible, but I really wanted to know if he was trying to blow me off or if there was something I did wrong which I needed to remedy. He answered the next morning, "haha no just busy with work and fighting off what feels like me getting sick." I didn't reply.. He said he wasn't mad at me, which meant that he ignored my messages because he didn't want to talk to me - so therefore, he's not really into me.. I held on to that belief for the remainder of the week.

 

Saturday night came around (1 week later), and I didn't go out because I had to study and prep for an interview. I was so bored.. I checked my personal blog and saw some views. (i made the blog viewable to him via Facebook) I usually dont get views unless they're spam, so I thought it was him reading my blog. I really thought it'd be him looking at my blog because he seemed to know quite a bit about me last time we talked. With that notion in mind, I bravely texted him, ":P" and "what r u up to?"

 

No reply. Guess he DID blow me off, and I delusionally thought he was thinking about me by checking my blog. It was probably just spam viewers. Now I feel like crap and it's affecting my productivity.. So hard to focus when I'm feeling this way. I like to go on this site because you guys always have words of encouragement / motivation to help me move on with my life. I've been talking to this guy since July, and I really liked him, so things are a little tough to dismiss.

 

Since no one else has mentioned it, didn't you say you've been "talking" to this guy since JULY? So how long has it been since you've actually met?

[MidwestUSA]

Regardless of whether I believe a guy wanted to sleep with me, or just extend the date by hanging out, if I told him I was going home, I'd go home! You continued to bar hop with your friends, texting with him while you did so!

 

He sees you as a serious party girl.

[PinkCarnations]

Since no one else has mentioned it, didn't you say you've been "talking" to this guy since JULY? So how long has it been since you've actually met?

 

We only met a couple times because he was away for long periods of time in between (military detachments).

[myothernic2]

We only met a couple times because he was away for long periods of time in between (military detachments).

 

OIC. Well, how often were you two talking? Maybe when he text you about still being out, he got the sense that you're more of a partier than he's comfortable with? Is he more of a homebody?

 

Could also be what everyone else said too.

[PinkCarnations]

Regardless of whether I believe a guy wanted to sleep with me, or just extend the date by hanging out, if I told him I was going home, I'd go home! You continued to bar hop with your friends, texting with him while you did so!

 

He sees you as a serious party girl.

 

Yeah I thought that was a reason why he could be mad at me or view me in a negative way. I intended to go home but my friend persuaded me to keep going out. Anyways even if that's why he acted the way he did, I'm not sure there's a way to change his mind.

[myothernic2]

Yeah I thought that was a reason why he could be mad at me or view me in a negative way. I intended to go home but my friend persuaded me to keep going out. Anyways even if that's why he acted the way he did, I'm not sure there's a way to change his mind.

 

That's what I was thinking too. He might have text her to see if she was still out or did she really go home and the answer turned him off.

[PinkCarnations]

OIC. Well, how often were you two talking? Maybe when he text you about still being out, he got the sense that you're more of a partier than he's comfortable with? Is he more of a homebody?

 

Could also be what everyone else said too.

 

I def know he's not looking for a partier. What mature guy is? But I don't know how to show him the other sides of me if he chooses to not even talk to me. When we talked, we just exchanged messages once a day, or a couple times a week. It was hard bc there wasn't much to talk about since we never really see each other. I found the texting very slow-paced and boring. However in real life, we had a lot of fun together.

[GG3]

Just a note from myself. I am guilty of doing this to guys sometimes. I have met some guys and we have a great first meeting but upon reflection I decide that I'm not really interested even though it was a great person. And I'm sure they wonder why.

 

I second what the other person said. Don't take anything seriously for a very long time.