Armyguy123 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Hey some of you may have seen my posts and seen my dealings with my breakup. Link below. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/420941-got-dumped-out-blue-do-i-stand-chance-get-her-back Summary: -Just graduated college heading away to become a Army helicopter pilot - GF of most of college decides it is too stressful and might not work and ends up dumping me out of the blue at the end of the summer without giving me many reasons. -I go off and on NC. Until I commit to strong NC. So here the story that leads to my strong warning and head of caution. Out of no where EX comes back strong as ever after 4 weeks hardcore zero contact. She acts incredibly sincere and tells me she made a mistake and is up for the challenge of earning back my trust is head over heels for me. I was very wary at first resisting it telling her that actions speak louder than words. So I continue limited contact with her for the next two weeks and she opens up to me about why she dumped me and that I had fixed everything and why she broke up with me. I start believing that it is the real deal, and trusting her giving her more than she had earned. Today out of no where she decided that she is again confused and that it is no working out, and cut it off out of no where, hurting me even further and extending my healing process, right before our first date was set. So for everyone out there who is waiting to here back from an EX. Be incredibly careful to discern their sincerity. Make them earn it, literally do nothing. If they want you back for real they will come back with no demands unconditionally. My mistake was trusting so quickly after she broke my trust. BE CAREFUL PEOPLE THIS STUFF IS SERIOUS AND HAS SERIOUS RAMIFICATIONS. and to you dumpers out there. Don't go back to your ex you dumped hesitating if its the right decision. Know that it is 100% what you want or you will hurt people further. (like myself) 4
me85 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Great post. I have set myself up for failure once again with my ex. He always disappoints and it is now time to let go. Spent the weekend in misery. Not eating, not sleeping, crying almost constantly…but I am too strong to keep doing that to myself! Hooray for you & you are so right! 1
TryingToFigureItOut Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I don't believe two people can really reconcile and have it be successful after both people have grown and made changes if that is what is necessary. And that normally takes at least a year. 2
BC1980 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I don't believe two people can really reconcile and have it be successful after both people have grown and made changes if that is what is necessary. And that normally takes at least a year. I agree. This second chance probably evolved from panic on the dumper's part. She did not think this through. However, she is an adult and is responsible for the way she treats people. I'm sure she does feel guilty, as she should. 1
TryingToFigureItOut Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I agree. This second chance probably evolved from panic on the dumper's part. She did not think this through. However, she is an adult and is responsible for the way she treats people. I'm sure she does feel guilty, as she should. Agreed. From what I am taking, the panic came from the idea that she will be alone, and once she realized he was still around, she felt more comfortable and pulled back thinking she could smooth sail her way into what she wants to do. Granted I could be wrong but that's what it seems like. I know it's difficult to think that you could have a much more successful reconciliation after over a year, because that is a long time! But here I am 10 months post break up, and I have grown so much as a person. I still have a long way to go, but it does get easier. The more you hold back, maintain NC, and allow yourself and your ex the chance to grow, the better you set yourself up for the future. Why get back together with somebody who isn't ready? Why get back together when you are not fully ready? 1
HorseLuck Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Ugh. I'm sorry Armyguy123. Thanks for sharing this. For those who don't believe reconciliation can occur after the people on both sides have grown and changed, may I ask why?
Mcnulty Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Sorry armyguy, I know how it feels man. Even if they love you still and the chemistry is still present, the past is always there. Also if there is any other option in the background, you are, like it or not an option, part of the game, sometimes unknowingly. When you're communicating the banter is great, all it takes is a tendril from the past, this can mean thinking back/re visiting old wounds that they do not want to revisit. it's an incredibly fragile relationship a second chance. Before you enter, please be very aware of all the ramifications, because it really can cut you deeply, I'm there right now. The hardest thing is the thoughts of being in the game and not knowing it, then realizing you weren't chosen, you're out of the game, the harshest rejection. 1
Author Armyguy123 Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 Im starting to think she is a textbook Commitment Phobe and it didn't truly emerge while at College because college is a care free and low stress environment.
TryingToFigureItOut Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 I don't believe two people can really reconcile and have it be successful after both people have grown and made changes if that is what is necessary. And that normally takes at least a year. I would just like to point out that I meant two people can reconcile and have it be successfully ONLY after both people have grown and made changes and that normally takes at least a year. 1
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