Stuck? Try this.

[AnyaNova]

Now, by stuck, I mean really stuck.

 

Like, its been months and you still don't feel like you have much relief.

 

What I don't mean by stuck is, "Well we broke up 5 days ago and I'm still sad." Of course you're sad in this case. You're supposed to be sad in this case. You need to be. Don't try what I am about to suggest if you are still fresh from the breakup, because it is too soon.

 

Get angry.

 

And by angry, I don't mean that, "poor victim me," kind of angry that has a whole bunch of sadness and powerlessness hidden behind it, and leads to fantasies of sending dead fishes through mail etc. (please don't, btw, I'm pretty sure your exes could press charges for that sort of thing!).

 

I mean the proactive kind of, "I'm worth more than the treatment I got from this ___hole or ___hole-ess." I mean the kind of proactive, put on loud music and do housecleaning, or lift logs from here to there, or whatnot kind of angry that gets you off your butt to <i>do something positive and proactive for yourself.

 

I think the way you know the difference, is because after the former, you feel awful and drained. After the latter, you somehow you feel empowered in a good way, and you are so focused on you, and making your world more positive for yourself, that you couldn't give a rat's nether regions about your ex.

[me85]

Haha Great post. I've gone through anger, bitterness, sadness, hopelessness, relief, optimistic, up/down the whole 9. Sometimes you're anger is truly all you really have left to move on for good. Don't look back. They may one day & it will probably be too late for them.

[AnyaNova]

I forgot to add in my main post, some songs I find really helpful for the mentality are,.. Life During Wartime--Talking Heads Burning Down the House--Talking Heads Zimbra--Talking Heads I get knocked Down--Chumbawumba Tall Ships--Wolfstone Bonnie Ship the Diamond--Wolfstone Get Miles--Gomez Get Myself Arrested--Gomez Carmina Burana (the whole darn thing practically)--Orff La Tribu Da Danu--Manau (etc and so on and so forth)...feel free all, to provide your own lists, I only ask that you avoid songs that could bring on the "poor me's" such as "Unforgiven" for example (if anyone else here is old enough to remember that song)...

[Nubcake]

Hmm if only i wasn't the type who doesn't get angry =p

[RespectfullyAlone]

The problem with getting angry, is you sink into a quiet rage. And then you delve into shutting yourself off from the entire world. I'm in that state really.

 

I do not want to give my ex the pleasure or reassurance that her decision to bail on our relationship and hook up with another guy literally within a day, was the right one. I don't want her to see me ever in this state. Thus I have shut all avenues of her even hearing about how I am, directly and from 3rd parties. I havn't just removed her as FB "friend" either, I've blocked her good and proper. Thus even if she wanted to reach out, she won't be able to with those avenues. There's nothing to stop her from contacting my family or banging on the door, but I can't control those aspects of my life. Thus I have shut her out, blocked her stupid a** as best I can.

 

It's none of her business since she left and decided she didn't want me in her life -- how my life is, good or bad. Thus I will not give her even the slightest possibility to know how, or where I am. And I will take that to my grave most likely. There's still that hope that one day in the future she will miss me, but that's about as false as she is. But I will remain steadfast in my desire not to give her any satisfaction, or anything with regards to me. She can wonder and wonder and think all she wants. And that's even if she remembers who I am. Since she's still in la la land, I highly doubt she would even have a single brain cell or memory of me anymore. And guess what, that makes me even angrier. How she left me, puts me into a rage.

 

And honestly, I don't think is is productive or the right way to heal, but it's the only emotion I have left.

[AnyaNova]

Hmm if only i wasn't the type who doesn't get angry =p

 

Thing is, I'm usually that type to...

[GeorgesIsntAtHome]

The problem with getting angry, is you sink into a quiet rage. And then you delve into shutting yourself off from the entire world. I'm in that state really.

 

I do not want to give my ex the pleasure or reassurance that her decision to bail on our relationship and hook up with another guy literally within a day, was the right one. I don't want her to see me ever in this state. Thus I have shut all avenues of her even hearing about how I am, directly and from 3rd parties. I havn't just removed her as FB "friend" either, I've blocked her good and proper. Thus even if she wanted to reach out, she won't be able to with those avenues. There's nothing to stop her from contacting my family or banging on the door, but I can't control those aspects of my life. Thus I have shut her out, blocked her stupid a** as best I can.

 

It's none of her business since she left and decided she didn't want me in her life -- how my life is, good or bad. Thus I will not give her even the slightest possibility to know how, or where I am. And I will take that to my grave most likely. There's still that hope that one day in the future she will miss me, but that's about as false as she is. But I will remain steadfast in my desire not to give her any satisfaction, or anything with regards to me. She can wonder and wonder and think all she wants. And that's even if she remembers who I am. Since she's still in la la land, I highly doubt she would even have a single brain cell or memory of me anymore. And guess what, that makes me even angrier. How she left me, puts me into a rage.

 

And honestly, I don't think is is productive or the right way to heal, but it's the only emotion I have left.

 

Hmm for some reason I have a strong feeling that this is one of the situations where time will clearly heal your wounds and you will realise that you were better off without her.. specially from what you tell us

 

you have all the rights to be pissed off but you are CLEARLY better off without her, you can't hold it against yourself, I think you are doing the correct thing, by all means dont keep it bottled up inside, get angry, yell, cry, hit a pillow with a baseball bat, these poisonnous emotions have to get out! Then you'll be healed and fresh to move on, if you give yourself the time

 

cutting out everything that reminds you or her was the way to go, you will realise it, you'll be fine

[Lizrd3000]

I did this, then she came back.

Funny how my mind reacted to this.

The anger was dimnished in seconds, as the angry emotions were fake.

It did help though, but what I did was fooling myself with fake angry emotions.

 

Song I listened to was

 

''three days grace-i hate everything about you''

 

Helped alot!

[mtnbiker3000]

Get angry.

 

And by angry, I don't mean that, "poor victim me," kind of angry that has a whole bunch of sadness and powerlessness hidden behind it

 

I've recently heard that anger and sadness are the same emotion? Just that sadness is unresolved, lingering anger and nothing more...

[Lizrd3000]

uuuugh nevermind LOL (edittied)

[Phanpooh]

After 2 years of any feeling.... Tell me why i should be angry?

[RespectfullyAlone]

Hmm for some reason I have a strong feeling that this is one of the situations where time will clearly heal your wounds and you will realise that you were better off without her.. specially from what you tell us

 

you have all the rights to be pissed off but you are CLEARLY better off without her, you can't hold it against yourself, I think you are doing the correct thing, by all means dont keep it bottled up inside, get angry, yell, cry, hit a pillow with a baseball bat, these poisonnous emotions have to get out! Then you'll be healed and fresh to move on, if you give yourself the time

 

cutting out everything that reminds you or her was the way to go, you will realise it, you'll be fine

But unlike most people I am honest when I say I do not think I will ever heal from this. It's all good if you have a cry, get angry, and let all the emotions out, and then stast to feel better about your life. But for me, what happens is more anger appears, more sadness. Rather than feel better, I feel worse. As time goes on, I feel more pathetic that this woman has destroyed me like this. And she's not even most likely giving me a hint of a thought. All my talk about removing myself from any contact with her, is pointless when I still love her dearly, and would give ANYTHING in this world to have her back, even just to hear her voice. She probably couldn't care less that I dropped off the face of the earth, thus she may or may not get some satisfaction from it.

 

At any rate, my anger is not consistent, it's more like heavy regret. About live choices, and how I feel I am genuinely at the end of the road. And rather than fear death, you start to accept that yes one day you will die, we all will, but why not just let that happen sooner. I see no beauty in this world any longer.