Swia34 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I was looking for some advice or just thoughts on my recent relationship. I met a guy through an online dating app. We were texting/snap chatting constantly throughout the day for an entire month. I felt a really strong connection with him, and could be myself. I grew to have feelings for him, and we spoke about how are feelings were mutual. We agreed to meet in a few weeks because of the distance. He recently went "Houdini" on me, only to text me about 4 days later to say that he had very recently connected with an old ex (in which he said that it could work out well, or just end very badly). I told him that I wasn't mad, but very bummed. He said he had a weakness for her, and although he was into me, he wanted to let me know he was going to try to work it out with her. I told him that if it wasn't to work out, that I would still be interested in meeting up/continuing to talk. It seems silly to be so upset about this little relationship; however, it seems to be affecting me more than past break-ups. What is my deal? I can't seem to speak with my friends about it because I feel it shouldn't be this upset over a month long relationship.
RespectfullyAlone Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 It's a tough one to bring up to others, as you're right their reaction to a short relationship is often one of, it wasn't very long, move on type of thing. For fear of ridicule, I've been hurt more by shorter relationships than longer ones. You don't need 10 years to fall in love with someone. A lot can happen in just a month's time, especially if you are in a physical relationship with them as well. I've found with certain people, feelings can develop way quicker than with others. But once you are at that point of being in love with that person, the feeling is essentially the same. Thus a one month relationship vs a 1 year or 5 year relationship can still have that same devastating affect on you, if they leave you. And how they leave can make it even worse if it was done via txt, fb msg, email etc., versus trying to work out any issues, giving it a fair shot and things still not working out. I can handle those as I know I've given it my best shot, but the quick sudden, pull the wool over your eyes, relationship over instantly never to hear from them again. Well that pain can last a lifetime. 1
Author Swia34 Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 Thanks for responding. It helps to know that my feelings are valid, and that the pain is real, and no less hurtful than my other relationships. It's also the thought that I never got the chance to let the relationship mature. Therefore, nothing had the chance to get sour or boring. Maybe it's the idea that this relationship was "perfect", and I feel that it will be difficult to find again....
RespectfullyAlone Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I know exactly that type of feeling. My most recent breakup, the one that hurts me still so much and we're almost getting up to 11months since the BU. But we had no fights, no disagreements, no negative anythings. We had a great passionate relationship, and at least for me, I was so into her. And she was into me too, at least I can see in the beginning. But she had eyes for someone else, and took the cowardly approach and left me when I was overseas last New Years eve. So for me, she left me when things were at there best. Thus that feeling of what if, why couldn't it, us, why couldn't we have had the chance to develop further our relationship. And that for me hurts more than breaking up with ex fiances and other girls and women in my past life. I feel so cheated, I cannot describe enough just how that feels. Robbed, and screwed over. I've never met anyone like that in my life, and not had that amazing an experience in a relationship. Thus the chances of that happening again are nill. I don't believe it ever will. Nor do I believe I will end up with someone even better, and this then will all just become a distant memory. No, I will grow old living in regret and sorrow. Not because I want to, I want to be happy just like anyone else, but because fate has decided my lot in life is to be screwed over and over and over again, no matter how honest, how hard I try, or who I have a relationship with. 1
mercuryshadow Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Thanks for responding. It helps to know that my feelings are valid, and that the pain is real, and no less hurtful than my other relationships. It's also the thought that I never got the chance to let the relationship mature. Therefore, nothing had the chance to get sour or boring. Maybe it's the idea that this relationship was "perfect", and I feel that it will be difficult to find again.... If you were only connecting for a month, it was too soon to tell if the relationship (or potential relationship) was perfect. Somewhere down the line, even in the best relationships, complications, obstacles, conflict and disagreement are inevitable. It's how you deal with those things that makes a relationship a good one or a bad one. 1
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