Lipitor11 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I've been casually seeing this guy for about 3 months or so, he told me what people don't want to hear, " I don't want a relationship right now." And I know, from what I've heard, when a guy tells this to a girl, or vice versa, it technically means, he doesn't want a relationship with YOU. So, I asked him, "Do you just not want a relationship with me?" He replied, "I don't want one in general." Now is this good or bad? He never said, he didn't want one with me, and he could have just said it, right?
superb Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I've been casually seeing this guy for about 3 months or so, he told me what people don't want to hear, " I don't want a relationship right now." And I know, from what I've heard, when a guy tells this to a girl, or vice versa, it technically means, he doesn't want a relationship with YOU. So, I asked him, "Do you just not want a relationship with me?" He replied, "I don't want one in general." Now is this good or bad? He never said, he didn't want one with me, and he could have just said it, right? If you want more with him now...its going to get more intense. If he knows you feel for him and he continues to be involved but cannot commit then he's leading you on. My advice is to walk away now, quickly. He sounds like a player.
NJtoDC Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Wow, how did you make it three months without talking about him not wanting a relationship? Are you looking for a relationship? If so- keep it moving. There's nothing more to see here. If he was interested he wouldn't say he isn't. Believe him. 5
KatZee Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 If you want a relationship with him, which it's obvious you do, then this is bad. Obviously. He doesn't want a relationship. Doesn't matter if he doesn't want with you or "in general." At the end of the day, the kid don't want a relationship. Are you like less insulted because he didn't specifically say you were the problem? Honestly, if he met someone that blew his socks off, he'd officially date the s.hit out of her, so deep down, it probably is you and the fact that you haven't moved him on any level to make him want to commit. You've wasted three months of your life, and honestly 3 months is my cut off for dating. If after three months a guy isn't locking it down, I'm walking away 7
Uwaae Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 One thing is sure... if you keep pressing him, he'll not want a relationship with you EVER.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 If you want a relationship with him, which it's obvious you do, then this is bad. Obviously. He doesn't want a relationship. Doesn't matter if he doesn't want with you or "in general." At the end of the day, the kid don't want a relationship. Are you like less insulted because he didn't specifically say you were the problem? Honestly, if he met someone that blew his socks off, he'd officially date the s.hit out of her, so deep down, it probably is you and the fact that you haven't moved him on any level to make him want to commit. You've wasted three months of your life, and honestly 3 months is my cut off for dating. If after three months a guy isn't locking it down, I'm walking away The bolded. It hurts but that's always the truth. Move on. 3
crederer Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 However you disect it, it's not good for you.
Grumpybutfun Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 (edited) OP: Did he say he wanted to stop seeing you at all? Or, did he notice signs that you were territorial of his time and labeling things so he tried to make sure you two were on the same page? When I was a single man trying to figure out the meaning of life, who I was, and what I believed, I used to give girls "the talk." The talk happened before going out on even a first date. I would tell them that I didn't want a relationship, that I was trying to figure myself out, that I was not going to be exclusive and if we did anything sexually, it was just sex to me. I wanted to make sure they knew that a relationship with me was out of the question. I don't think I could have been anymore clear on the subject, and I still had girls who fell in love with me, wanted a commitment, and demanded to be my gf or else. (They became or else because people in denial are unattractive.) Not many, but a few. I enjoyed dating these girls and they had a great time with me because I treated them with respect and was very honest with them. I took them places, held their hands, was intimate only if they initiated it, and was understanding when they wanted to move on to find someone who wanted what they wanted. My point is that sometimes people want to just date and they aren't players. I do not understand why people cannot or won't date anymore without a commitment. Dating is how you get to know people, have fun, make memories and have experiences. There is no problems with this guy, he just doesn't want a relationship. Perhaps he should have been clearer form the outset since women seem to think that going out on a date makes you committed, exclusive and ready for marriage. Seems to be hurrying into a relationship and commitment without even knowing each other. Wow, these days you are either f*ck buddies, FWB or in a committed serious relationship. It is weird for someone who was dating in the 1990's. We just assumed we were casually dating until someone said, "Hey I like you, want to be exclusive?" I am not going to be exclusive with someone I don't know very well. If you only feel you can be in a committed relationship and cannot date without the promise of marriage, then you need to find a like-minded person. Dating is Good, Grumps Edited November 11, 2013 by Grumpybutfun 1
Uwaae Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 The bolded. It hurts but that's always the truth. Move on. hahahahahahahah what do you want? a proposal after 3 months. Its crazy how some girls operate. Its amazing how badly the OP wants to get her feelings hurt by this guy. Maybe if you just leave him alone witht he questions, the relationship would get much clearer to you
Kate9292 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I've been casually seeing this guy for about 3 months or so, he told me what people don't want to hear, " I don't want a relationship right now." And I know, from what I've heard, when a guy tells this to a girl, or vice versa, it technically means, he doesn't want a relationship with YOU. So, I asked him, "Do you just not want a relationship with me?" He replied, "I don't want one in general." Now is this good or bad? He never said, he didn't want one with me, and he could have just said it, right? He just wants casual sex. Hope you didn't have it yet and your mind is not too clouded to make decision for yourself.
greenfairie Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 i was with a guy who said he didn't want anything like a relationship. he wanted to date other people. he just wanted to be friends that can "have fun together". i respected that so i was like okay, we'll just hang out. i got emotionally invested into him after several hookups, but he wasn't into me the same way i felt with him so i was bummed out, naive me. i decided to stop seeing him for that particular reason. 1
felicity1 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 If he says he doesn't want a relationship in general, it's time to move on. There's nothing to analyze here.
Revolver Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 He wants to bang you on the side until he gets the girl he really wants to be in a relationship with Lots of men do this 2
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 If you are unhappy with the status quo it's bad. If you are OK with the way things are now, leave it alone & keep dating him. Some people get hung up on labels. If you can true work around the verbage, it will be fine. If you are going to fixate on it & it drives a wedge between you, just walk away now.
KatZee Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 hahahahahahahah what do you want? a proposal after 3 months. Its crazy how some girls operate. Its amazing how badly the OP wants to get her feelings hurt by this guy. Maybe if you just leave him alone witht he questions, the relationship would get much clearer to you Uh... no one is talking about a proposal. But when you're dating someone, sleeping with them and basically acting as if you're in a relationship, the person is entitled to know what the F is going on. If he doesn't know after 3 months whether he wants to be in a relationship with her, then he doesn't. Very easy to figure out here. And no. If she kept her mouth shut, do you know what would happen? He'd continue dating her, using her for sex, and NEVER committing to her. 3
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 If you have strong feelings for him, whether you want a relationship or not, I'd leave it. If you don't have strong feelings for him and are happy to date or whatever it is with you two, then you have that option. I'd say the first sentence is applicable to you as I guess you like him a lot
Zahara Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I'm not sure what the difference would be. Bad or good, it isn't in your favor if you are seeking a relationship. Most times you'll hear this line when they don't want to be in a relationship with you. In "general" lessens the blow a little and allows them the ability to avoid being brutally honest. 1
PutARingOnIt Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 he just wants to be fwb with you until a chick he is really into comes along. 2
Divasu Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I think the translation goes something like this: I want to continue seeing you, having sex with you. I also want to keep my options open should the woman of my dreams walk into my life. So, does this work for you? 6
Blade96 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I've been casually seeing this guy for about 3 months or so, he told me what people don't want to hear, " I don't want a relationship right now." And I know, from what I've heard, when a guy tells this to a girl, or vice versa, it technically means, he doesn't want a relationship with YOU. So, I asked him, "Do you just not want a relationship with me?" He replied, "I don't want one in general." Now is this good or bad? He never said, he didn't want one with me, and he could have just said it, right? If you don't mind, and neither does he obviously, just date him casually. If casual isn't your thing and you want a relationship, then don't date him, because that isnt what he wants. but maybe you can just be friends. But believe him. I've told guys I liked them before but they just wanted to be friends. So, that is what we did. We're still friends years later.
KathyM Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 He may be just using you as a placeholder until someone better comes along, or he may be the type that really doesn't want an actual relationship with someone for whatever reason, such as fear of commitment, fear of emotional intimacy, not wanting to spend the time and emotions needed for a real relationship, preferring a single lifestyle, or whatever. When he says he doesn't want a relationship, then believe him. Don't think you're going to change his mind. Whether he would want one with someone else is beside the point. He's told you where he stands. You can either decide a casual relationship is O.K. with you, or you can move on to find a relationship with someone who actually wants one.
Blade96 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 (edited) "Honestly, if he met someone that blew his socks off, he'd officially date the s.hit out of her, so deep down, it probably is you" - Got a great friend like this. I liked him as more than a friend but he just wanted to continue to be besties. Short time later, he - you guessed it - met a girl, and dated the s**t out of her. They're still together. It was me - but not anything bad of course. He loves me - just as a good friend. I acted on what he said and continued to be his good buddy. As I said we're still good friends. I met him when we did Russian language together at university. Edited November 11, 2013 by Blade96
Leigh 87 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 I don't believe in that. 3 months is long enough for a guy to fall head over heals. Whether or NOT he actually "wants to". ..I don't technically WAN T a relationship. At all. I really reall would like to stay single for at least 6 months to a year. The thing is... If a guy came along that knocked my socks off I would not hesitate to enter inter a relationship with him. I WOULD tell him that I have been through some issues and I need to take things SLOWLY while I spend a lof of time working on myself in general. I would still NOT pass him by though.... He wasn't necessarily LYING. He could have believed what he told you. It was however untrue. He MAY be averse to relationships, however, if a girl came along that he wants NUTS about; he WOULD do anything it took to be with her. 3
Phantom888 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 hahahahahahahah what do you want? a proposal after 3 months. Its crazy how some girls operate. Its amazing how badly the OP wants to get her feelings hurt by this guy. Maybe if you just leave him alone witht he questions, the relationship would get much clearer to you Dude, if you sleep with a girl, it's implied that you are more than just friends, unless you specifically said WE ARE DOING THIS AS FRIENDS. The girl has the right to make a decision of whether or not to agree. 3 months is a really long time to keep someone in the dark. It's downright dishonest to lead someone on for 3 months! I would have to agree that when a man says he doesn't want a relationship, he just doesn't want one with you because he doesn't think you are worthwhile. I am sorry to say I have used this line before, and I am ashamed of it. After I turned down the girl, I met someone else and started a long term relationship IMMEDIATELY. Go figure....
SJC2008 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 If you want an R with him it's bad. If he's telling the truth about not wanting a relationship in general then the "sting" may not be as bad but it's time to move on. Dating rules like 'I don't want a relationship means with you' aren't always true. I dated a woman a year ago who said she didn't want one snd she's still single (guilty as charged for FB stalking). It doesn't mean she not dating and having fun, I'm sure she is. I have to respect the fact that she was telling the truth.
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