JasonTodd Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Ill premise the question with the situation. 5 months now I have been "dating" this girl. I say that because she does not want to be in a relationship. She was engaged and her boyfriend treated her terribly for almost 5 years. Fast forward and she's been anti relationships ever since. She would call me daily. Text daily We'd hang out often, cuddle, sleep together, be seen as a "duo" to her friends n family. All the bells n whistles of being in a relationship. All while saying she doesn't want a "relationship" About a week ago she finally got the vibe we were a "couple" it freaked her out so she got distant fast and we ended up talking and she wanted to we cut out all touching, being physically close. Etc....Essentially back to just friends. As devastated as I was since I assumed if I didn't pressure her she might warm up to the idea of getting serious on her own. We decided to give each other space. No communication to kind of let things settle over this modified break up. Since it "seemed" to have bothered me much more than her. It's been 48 hours and she has already tried to get a hold of me feeling bad and telling me how weird it is that she didn't see me this weekend. She has been posting very depressing tweets (hooray social media) of "I'm sorry" type things. I like the girl a lot. I can assure you there isn't another man or anything like that. This girl just has serious commitment issues that I truthfully don't understand how to handle or comprehend. Any advice? I rather not give up and walk away just because the road to her heart is difficult and long due to her past. Or do I count my losses and accept she'll never be a relationship type girl. If it matters...she's 23.
FitChick Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 She only likes you as a friend. You are her 'girlfriend' with a penis. You want to be her boyfriend and use your penis! Cut all contact and let her decide if she misses you as a possible boyfriend. Let her chase you and show you she is serious.
Uwaae Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Feel like we need more info. How are you to her. For some reason I get the vibe that you were somewhat controlling
Author JasonTodd Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Feel like we need more info. How are you to her. For some reason I get the vibe that you were somewhat controlling Far from it, I actually went the opposite route since the relationship she was in was very controlling. So I avoided that, or being over needy, clingy, etc. I never questioned her. I tried to give her the feelings she wasn't used to in a relationship. She didn't have to answer to me at all, or feel uncomfortable if guys were around and I wasn't there since I'm not the jealous type. Being like this is why we got so close. But when she finally got the sensation of a relationship or being in one. All her animosity and feelings towards that made her uncomfortable and scared. I wasn't kidding when I said the first relationship broke her. I just have no clue how to handle it moving forward. Sounds like a headache, but if I didn't care I wouldn't be trying to figure out how to fix or adapt to this.
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 If she only left because she's scared & had commitment issues, if you are patient & kind, she might come back but you will have little reassurance that she won't bolt again. She's like a shy animal. You can lure her back but it will take an awful lot of work to overcome her trust issues.
Shepp Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Hey mate, This was a thread I couldn't ignore because I've been right where you are! She would call me daily. Text daily We'd hang out often, cuddle, sleep together, be seen as a "duo" to her friends n family. All the bells n whistles of being in a relationship. All while saying she doesn't want a "relationship" This gives me deja-vu cause you could just be talking about me and my gf. Her mum died when she was 13 and her dad became depressed and drank too much and she basically had to look after herself from then on. She didn't want a relationship, reckoned that "she'd hurt me" cause "She breaks everything she touches" But the thing was we practically were in a relationship, it was like being the boyfriend but without the label - Saw each other all the time, she was always dead touchy-feely, chat all night, she'd help me with xmas shopping for my family , I had a mountain biking accident and she didn't leave my hospital room. If anyones proof that you can get there eventually it would be me and her, we've just moved in together, got brand new baby twin boys, we're all good now I rather not give up and walk away just because the road to her heart is difficult and long due to her past. Or do I count my losses and accept she'll never be a relationship type girl. I think this is the decision you've got to make. You like her right? but how much? Enough to be in this for the long haul? or is it too much (I wouldn't blame you, I know how hard it is). Its tough but I feel the only way to deal with it is to make your call and then stand by it. If you go for it then I think the real winner is time. It took me and my girlfriend ages, just ages, im talking years. I think it was a case of really physically proving to her that I wasn't going anywhere, by just - not going anywhere. I think its just a case of slow and steady, cause you don't want to put to much pressure on her. I've got a few threads on here where people gave me some really good advice regarding me and her, feel free to check it out if you think its relevant. One bit of advice I was given was to give her this list (it was a bit soppy really but it did work) of like reasons why I was crazy about her - this was at the point where id already put a lot of years into me an her just taking at her pace, and I think it kinda did the trick of making her think 'okay lets give this a go' http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/408315-i-dont-know-what-else-say-her-anymore-i-want-more-than-friends#post5055017 It wasn't easy but I guess everyday I knew I was closer to a relationship with her than I ever thought i'd get! To me - id do it all again for her, I love her, makes it all worth it. Best of luck to you brother, whatever you decide.
Phantom888 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 This girl is toxic in your life. If you kiss, cuddle, sleep together, and she still doesn't think you are a couple, than she has major issues. Stay away from her. She will mess both of you up with that twisted way of thinking. 2
Author JasonTodd Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 I appreciate the range of advice. Thanks
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