I acted out of impulse and anger

November 11, 2013

So basically my ex girlfriend who I dated for a yr and almost 6 months was great untill the last 2 or 3 months we kindve grew apart and werent seeing eye to eye anymore so we had a fuzzy break up because its as if our minds knew things weren't working out but our hearts couldn't let go.

Anyway I found out she slept with 3 guys in the month of october we, broke up I'd say late august early september. We work together and my coworkers always make these little jokes because they thought we were still together or doing it secretly and everytime I say no its over for real they go "awwww why you guys are perfect together blah blah blah" because she is a cool person but I guess she is just a horrible ex.

So I finally cracked and told one of my closest coworkers to please stop mentioning her name if he was a true friend, he was confused and kept asking what happen we were so good together, so I finally told him that she slept with 3 guys in just a month, mind you he was a good friend of her too since we work together.

He was in shocked he went on calling her disgusting and that she can't believe she can do something like that to me and even to herself. He thought she was better then that and never saw her doing something like. He apologized to me and said that he was sorry that she did that to me and that he won't mention her name again.

When she first told me one day when I wanted to catch and clear the dust not to get back together but to settle things because we were great and idk what went wrong I never thought she wouldve moved on like that, I played it cool and said w.e it didn't matter cause we were over and now I can't ever see myself getting back together with her. After I saw his reaction all these bottled up feelings of anger started coming after I saw how mad he was and I felt like maybe I shouldve been honest with her and told her how much of a slut I though she was and I shouldve cursed her out but my pride wouldn't let me give her the satisfactio of seeing me hurt over her.

So I was getting furious my hands were shaking, I couldn't breath properly so I went to the bathroom to compose myself. I ended up txting her a pic of a meme saying "hoes be like, I can count the amount of guys I slept with in one hand" and its a woman holding a calculator. Basically calling her a whore. On top of that I found out her grandfather died that very same day. I feel horrible and I wanted to talk to her but my friend said I'm the last person she wants to hear from. Another part of me still hates her for what she did to me and how the person I thought loved me could do that. What should I do or how should I handle this because I feel like I'm going to make a mistake.

November 11, 2013

I feel your pain. Could have been worse. Mine did that to me after five years. And one of those guys was someone who was a mutual friend of ours for two years who we had in our house A LOT. And, to top it off, I'm still not entirely convinced she didn't cheat on me with him.

And by the way, mine left me around the same time yours did. A little bit before, but basically around the same time frame. At least the girl didn't rub it in your face that she did that. Mine did.

Anyway, I feel you man. It sucks. But there's nothing you can do about it. I'm slowly learning this. I wish almost every day when I get angry over what they did to me that they die in a horrible car wreck sometimes on the interstate, but this does not benefit me in any way. It only gives them more power they don't deserve.

One day she'll be bones in a box. And before that she'll be old and haggard and because she's female, she'll probably age faster than you will and her screwfest party days will be over before she's 35. You'll heal.

November 12, 2013

Does anyone else have an advice? I am most likely going to bump into her this week at work and I don't know if I should apologize, give her the cold shoulder or act as if nothings changed. I'm confused and have no idea what to do.

November 12, 2013

Does anyone else have an advice? I am most likely going to bump into her this week at work and I don't know if I should apologize, give her the cold shoulder or act as if nothings changed. I'm confused and have no idea what to do.

So let me make sure this is right... you guys broke up in Aug/Sep and she slept with the guys in Oct... yet you felt you had the right to berate her and make her feel like dirt? Especially telling coworkers about it when you work at the same place?!

I'm not saying you didn't have the right to be angry, but you said it in your OP.. you guys weren't seeing eye to eye and it was a somewhat mutual break up. Just because she went out (and slept) with 3 other men doesn't mean she never cared for you... and depending on your personal morals, values, beliefs... maybe that wasn't the right thing to do. (I only say that because some on here may argue that who cares the number, others may classify.. as you said... as a "whore")

But the bottom line is this- this was all AFTER you had broken up. Personal example... An ex boyfriend and I had split after being together over 2 years. He constantly told me how he missed me and how I was causing us to be apart... 2 MONTHS after the break up, he gets a random friend of a friend pregnant.

Was I shaking and freaking out like you when i found out? YES. I didn't know how to handle it or what to do with myself. But I also realized that you know what... we are broken up and he can do what he wants with who he wants.

So I say.. if it were me I would at least send her a text or genuinely apologize for what you said. Be prepared for her not to accept it or maybe not to text you back, but what you said to her is VERY hurtful... there's such a double standard these days when it comes to men being able to go out and sleep with women after a break-up vs. what women can do.

Apologize, get it off your conscious, and move on. Just my thoughts.

November 12, 2013

So let me make sure this is right... you guys broke up in Aug/Sep and she slept with the guys in Oct... yet you felt you had the right to berate her and make her feel like dirt? Especially telling coworkers about it when you work at the same place?!

I'm not saying you didn't have the right to be angry, but you said it in your OP.. you guys weren't seeing eye to eye and it was a somewhat mutual break up. Just because she went out (and slept) with 3 other men doesn't mean she never cared for you... and depending on your personal morals, values, beliefs... maybe that wasn't the right thing to do. (I only say that because some on here may argue that who cares the number, others may classify.. as you said... as a "whore")

But the bottom line is this- this was all AFTER you had broken up. Personal example... An ex boyfriend and I had split after being together over 2 years. He constantly told me how he missed me and how I was causing us to be apart... 2 MONTHS after the break up, he gets a random friend of a friend pregnant.

Was I shaking and freaking out like you when i found out? YES. I didn't know how to handle it or what to do with myself. But I also realized that you know what... we are broken up and he can do what he wants with who he wants.

So I say.. if it were me I would at least send her a text or genuinely apologize for what you said. Be prepared for her not to accept it or maybe not to text you back, but what you said to her is VERY hurtful... there's such a double standard these days when it comes to men being able to go out and sleep with women after a break-up vs. what women can do.

Apologize, get it off your conscious, and move on. Just my thoughts.

I forgot to mention that after we "broke up" we still kept in touch frequently almost every day and we were on good terms, and less then 2 weeks before she slept with the first guy I went over to her place to drop off a few of her things she told me to stay for a bit to watch a movie and we ended up having sex (she initiated the move).

So I made one more attempt to work things out and she was still "idk I love you but I'm not in love with you" so I said that's fine you can't force love but I think it would be better if we stopped txting and calling eachother to avoid confusion. A week or so later she slept with someone and then another and so on and I was being nice we broke up probably the first week of september, last time we had sex was late september, by october 20th she slept with 3 guys and had sex twice with one of them . You think that's fine?

I'm not being sarcastic I just want to know because I've heard mix things and most of them are "yea you guys broke up but if she really cared about you and respected you she wouldn't of slept with 3 guys in a month". I'm not perfect but I never cheated on her or gave a reason to think that I did. I felt bad about going to the movies yet she was already sleeping around. But thays why I'm typing here because maybe I see things differently.

November 12, 2013

I forgot to mention that after we "broke up" we still kept in touch frequently almost every day and we were on good terms, and less then 2 weeks before she slept with the first guy I went over to her place to drop off a few of her things she told me to stay for a bit to watch a movie and we ended up having sex (she initiated the move).

So I made one more attempt to work things out and she was still "idk I love you but I'm not in love with you" so I said that's fine you can't force love but I think it would be better if we stopped txting and calling eachother to avoid confusion. A week or so later she slept with someone and then another and so on and I was being nice we broke up probably the first week of september, last time we had sex was late september, by october 20th she slept with 3 guys and had sex twice with one of them . You think that's fine?

I'm not being sarcastic I just want to know because I've heard mix things and most of them are "yea you guys broke up but if she really cared about you and respected you she wouldn't of slept with 3 guys in a month". I'm not perfect but I never cheated on her or gave a reason to think that I did. I felt bad about going to the movies yet she was already sleeping around. But thays why I'm typing here because maybe I see things differently.

Sorry dude, it's none of your business what she does and who she does it with.

What you did was rude and wrong. You are acting like you got cheated on. And these friends who are disgusted are acting like you got cheated on. But you didn't.

November 13, 2013

Sorry dude, it's none of your business what she does and who she does it with.

What you did was rude and wrong. You are acting like you got cheated on. And these friends who are disgusted are acting like you got cheated on. But you didn't.

Well they know she didn't cheat on me technically, they are disgusted by what she did and how. I mean 3 guys in such a short time only a few days after me and her were intimate? Its not the moving on part that bothers me its how slutty she acted. So your saying I should apologize? Nothing makes sense in this world anymore

November 13, 2013

Well they know she didn't cheat on me technically, they are disgusted by what she did and how. I mean 3 guys in such a short time only a few days after me and her were intimate? Its not the moving on part that bothers me its how slutty she acted. So your saying I should apologize? Nothing makes sense in this world anymore

if you hurt soemones feelings do you think it is right to apologize?.....deb

November 13, 2013

Well they know she didn't cheat on me technically, they are disgusted by what she did and how. I mean 3 guys in such a short time only a few days after me and her were intimate? Its not the moving on part that bothers me its how slutty she acted. So your saying I should apologize? Nothing makes sense in this world anymore

So you've said already. None of the things you have typed make it ok to go calling someone a hoe in the adult world. Especially in the workplace.

What she did to you is what it is. What you did to her is separate from that. Stop mixing the two instances. They don't cancel each other out and you can't even the score.

It hurts going through this. It's supposed to. Accept that you are supposed to be feeling the way you are. Try a little forgiveness. It will put hair on your chest.

I don't know whether or not to apologize. If you do, expect her to unleash her resentment towards you. If you get defensive after that... well let's hope you don't get defensive after that.

November 13, 2013

So you've said already. None of the things you have typed make it ok to go calling someone a hoe in the adult world. Especially in the workplace.

What she did to you is what it is. What you did to her is separate from that. Stop mixing the two instances. They don't cancel each other out and you can't even the score.

It hurts going through this. It's supposed to. Accept that you are supposed to be feeling the way you are. Try a little forgiveness. It will put hair on your chest.

I don't know whether or not to apologize. If you do, expect her to unleash her resentment towards you. If you get defensive after that... well let's hope you don't get defensive after that.

if you apologize in the true essence of being sorry ....it doesnt matter about the reaction that you get or even fi it is accepted ...just that you are truly sorry and need them to know you are...true remorse doesnt expect anything in return other than the person knowing what you did was wrong....and hoping that they frogive you...hope is not defined......or clear.....it has a fuzz about it...to soften the blow of disappointment......everything we do say or write has consequence ..there is no circumstance or coincidence to what you choose to do or say..only cause and effect for the science driven.and you can regret what you say instantly..yay tim tam....tangent.......but you can only be remorseful if it involves deeper thought knowing the pain that you caused another .......makes you feel something in your heart...until then....you arent sorry unless you feel it.......deb

November 13, 2013

So basically my ex girlfriend who I dated for a yr and almost 6 months was great untill the last 2 or 3 months we kindve grew apart and werent seeing eye to eye anymore so we had a fuzzy break up because its as if our minds knew things weren't working out but our hearts couldn't let go.

Anyway I found out she slept with 3 guys in the month of october we, broke up I'd say late august early september. We work together and my coworkers always make these little jokes because they thought we were still together or doing it secretly and everytime I say no its over for real they go "awwww why you guys are perfect together blah blah blah" because she is a cool person but I guess she is just a horrible ex.

So I finally cracked and told one of my closest coworkers to please stop mentioning her name if he was a true friend, he was confused and kept asking what happen we were so good together, so I finally told him that she slept with 3 guys in just a month, mind you he was a good friend of her too since we work together.

He was in shocked he went on calling her disgusting and that she can't believe she can do something like that to me and even to herself. He thought she was better then that and never saw her doing something like. He apologized to me and said that he was sorry that she did that to me and that he won't mention her name again.

When she first told me one day when I wanted to catch and clear the dust not to get back together but to settle things because we were great and idk what went wrong I never thought she wouldve moved on like that, I played it cool and said w.e it didn't matter cause we were over and now I can't ever see myself getting back together with her. After I saw his reaction all these bottled up feelings of anger started coming after I saw how mad he was and I felt like maybe I shouldve been honest with her and told her how much of a slut I though she was and I shouldve cursed her out but my pride wouldn't let me give her the satisfactio of seeing me hurt over her.

So I was getting furious my hands were shaking, I couldn't breath properly so I went to the bathroom to compose myself. I ended up txting her a pic of a meme saying "hoes be like, I can count the amount of guys I slept with in one hand" and its a woman holding a calculator. Basically calling her a whore. On top of that I found out her grandfather died that very same day. I feel horrible and I wanted to talk to her but my friend said I'm the last person she wants to hear from. Another part of me still hates her for what she did to me and how the person I thought loved me could do that. What should I do or how should I handle this because I feel like I'm going to make a mistake.

No matter what you gossip about her, or names you call her, it's pretty clear, she does not really love you... or is no longer IN love with you. Most women, when truly in love, will NOT sleep with other men.

The only exception where I can see mistakes like this being made is if it's a young girl who's been hurt and then sleeps around for all the wrong reasons over the hurt of losing the guy she was in love with. That said, if this is a woman and not some young, naive girl, it changing everything.

The way you've behaved, being so ego driven and spiteful wanting to hurt her probably only makes her glad she is no longer with you.

We ALL waste time on the wrong people, so I'm not gonna fault you for that or tell you not to be human. But what I will say is that obviously there is something very wrong here between you two if she's having sex with several other men. Once that line is crossed, there is no going back. It will never be the same. Time to let it all go and don't look back.

November 13, 2013

NO APLOLOGY! This is a good thing. This will make it that much easier to go and stay NC. She is history. Just forget about her. Why dig a bigger hole with an apology. Just cut your losses and never speak to her again. She doesnt exist any more to you so who cares.

Youll laugh about this in 6 months or so. No big deal. Even for her. I told my ex to F*ck off and die and never contact me again unless she was dying and even then to get help elsewhere. One of the best thing i did post BU to totally know there was NO going back.

We are friends now after a long NC period. Cav

November 13, 2013

Sorry dude, it's none of your business what she does and who she does it with.

What you did was rude and wrong. You are acting like you got cheated on. And these friends who are disgusted are acting like you got cheated on. But you didn't.

Exactly. OP, you have no right to play judge and jury on her sexual choices. You aren't with her, she can do whatever she wants and it's really none of your business.

November 13, 2013

Exactly. OP, you have no right to play judge and jury on her sexual choices. You aren't with her, she can do whatever she wants and it's really none of your business.

I agree with this. That being said, the deed is done and he shouldnt appologize. Many of us have done some dumb things post BU. He should just stay NC IMO. Cav

November 13, 2013

I agree with this. That being said, the deed is done and he shouldnt appologize. Many of us have done some dumb things post BU. He should just stay NC IMO. Cav

I agree. She won't believe his apology anyway, because I don't really think he's that sorry.

November 13, 2013

So you've said already. None of the things you have typed make it ok to go calling someone a hoe in the adult world. Especially in the workplace.

What she did to you is what it is. What you did to her is separate from that. Stop mixing the two instances. They don't cancel each other out and you can't even the score.

It hurts going through this. It's supposed to. Accept that you are supposed to be feeling the way you are. Try a little forgiveness. It will put hair on your chest.

I don't know whether or not to apologize. If you do, expect her to unleash her resentment towards you. If you get defensive after that... well let's hope you don't get defensive after that.

I wish I handled it better now I have to face the music. I appreciate your honesty it helped putting things in a different perspective.

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I acted out of impulse and anger

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