I made a mistake, is there any hope? Should I maintain No Contact?

[JerryBK]

I was with this girl for 4 months, going on dates talking everyday, and having a good time. Things couldn't have been going any better. We had a talk about being exclusive but we both decided that we should take it slow and not put any labels on our relationship. She told me that she wants to be with me, and that she really liked me during this conversation. I have known this girl for over a year now and we kept in touch most of that time, and eventually we began going on dates and spending alot of time together.

 

However recently, (Last weekend) we went out for a few drinks, and were with some of her friends. I got caught up in the moment and ended up getting way to drunk, (I dont hardly remember what happend) not a good thing. The little that she told me, I embarrassed her and scared her quite a bit. and she ended up kicking me out of her apt after we left the bar.

 

The next day I didn't have my car or my phone, and didn't exactly know where I was. Once I found my phone and gained some sense, the only way I could contact her was via a text. I told her "I was sorry, and that she deserves an apology more than a text, if I could stop by or give her a call let me know, If that doesn't work I understand...just know that I care and that I feel terrible for what might have happened last night."

 

She didn't respond until the next night, she said " I honestly have no words for what happend on Friday night, quite frankly I was embarrassed and scared when you wouldn't leave. I dont know where we stand in eachothers lives after all of that, and I think from here on out we should give eachother space and see where that leads us.

 

So that brings me here, a week later with No Contact, and me wishing I could have the chance to apologize properly to her. I have noticed on her Twitter she has been saying things like "Sometimes we have to take a break from the things and the people we love in order to truly understand how much we love them."

 

I dont constantly troll on her twitter account but these things pop up, and since we dont have mutual friends this is the only insight in which I have to understand where she is at with the situation......

 

Do you think I should contact her? or should I just cut my losses and move on? I know I love this girl, I just dont understand why I made the decision I did that night.....I feel terrible for making her suffer through whatever it was that happened and I find myself going back to wanting to make things better....any advice?

[me85]

I say, give her her space. Let her come to you. You did the right thing now respect her wishes. Not knowing what you did that night to scare her has you feeling terrible but her more so. I can say my ex scared me several times over but I never stood my ground and really made him realize I wasn't going to put up with it and now he's just done with me after all I have endured and forgiven. I put myself thru hell for that boy (because he's not a man) and it has all been for nothing. I never got my happy ending like I prayed for. (me being a Christian) I guess I really just have to give it God. REALITY BITES. So just respect that she knows her worth and does not want to be fearful of you and in time she will forgive you. You will speak with her again. She loves you so have faith.

[JerryBK]

Thanks, Im just not so sure that she will come back without me saying anything. I know she wont put up with any nonsense, and she has to many options. I feel like giving her space is a good thing, but will she think Im not making enough of an effort? To many mixed feelings about this...(que the dramatic ending to a love story where boy apologizes to girl via driving up to her house on a lawn tractor playing a sappy love song until she comes out to meet him....and they kiss make up and ride off into the sunset......)

[d0nnivain]

I'd send flowers with a short apology note. I'm sorry. I don't usually act like that. Please give us another chance.

[ks0985]

Wow dude to get that kind of reaction what the heck did you do? No contact is your best bet do not break it give this poor girl space you clearly scarred her pretty bad.

[aybc123]

I was with this girl for 4 months, going on dates talking everyday, and having a good time. Things couldn't have been going any better. We had a talk about being exclusive but we both decided that we should take it slow and not put any labels on our relationship. She told me that she wants to be with me, and that she really liked me during this conversation. I have known this girl for over a year now and we kept in touch most of that time, and eventually we began going on dates and spending alot of time together.

 

However recently, (Last weekend) we went out for a few drinks, and were with some of her friends. I got caught up in the moment and ended up getting way to drunk, (I dont hardly remember what happend) not a good thing. The little that she told me, I embarrassed her and scared her quite a bit. and she ended up kicking me out of her apt after we left the bar.

 

The next day I didn't have my car or my phone, and didn't exactly know where I was. Once I found my phone and gained some sense, the only way I could contact her was via a text. I told her "I was sorry, and that she deserves an apology more than a text, if I could stop by or give her a call let me know, If that doesn't work I understand...just know that I care and that I feel terrible for what might have happened last night."

 

She didn't respond until the next night, she said " I honestly have no words for what happend on Friday night, quite frankly I was embarrassed and scared when you wouldn't leave. I dont know where we stand in eachothers lives after all of that, and I think from here on out we should give eachother space and see where that leads us.

 

So that brings me here, a week later with No Contact, and me wishing I could have the chance to apologize properly to her. I have noticed on her Twitter she has been saying things like "Sometimes we have to take a break from the things and the people we love in order to truly understand how much we love them."

 

I dont constantly troll on her twitter account but these things pop up, and since we dont have mutual friends this is the only insight in which I have to understand where she is at with the situation......

 

Do you think I should contact her? or should I just cut my losses and move on? I know I love this girl, I just dont understand why I made the decision I did that night.....I feel terrible for making her suffer through whatever it was that happened and I find myself going back to wanting to make things better....any advice?

 

Tough one, i mean, she asked for space but from the twitter stuff also clearly misses you. There's going to be a window, if you leave it for too long she might think you don't care, too short and you'll push her away.

 

If it were me i would probably have some flowers sent to her apt with a note saying that she should 'take all the time she needs to think things through but you just wanted to let her know that you'd been thinking about her'.

 

Will let her know you care and are truly sorry and also let her know that in terms of making the first move of reconciliation/ contact it's on her and when she's ready

[JerryBK]

I have thought about the flowers, however I am not sure the exact address of her apt...? I thought about writing a small note saying I was thinking about her, and realize I made a mistake, and that I hope that we can work things out. etc....However the note on the car thing seems like it might be to much of an invasion of her privacy...I just dont have any other way other than the always available text message....which I know is not substantial enough to make an impression at this point.

 

I agree I feel that my time is running out, and that she may have even moved on by this time........my options are few, either figure out someway of getting flowers sent with a small note, leaving a note at her place or the dreaded text message.......

[d0nnivain]

The text message won't work.

 

 

Try looking up her exact address on the internet. Drive over there & figure it out if you have to.

[JerryBK]

hmm...do you think this will appear as though I am attempting to "buy her trust back"? the last thing I would want to do is to seem as though I am trying to bribe her into being with me....a few other people have mentioned that flowers would be a bad idea because of that.

 

torn.

[todreaminblue]

Thanks, Im just not so sure that she will come back without me saying anything. I know she wont put up with any nonsense, and she has to many options. I feel like giving her space is a good thing, but will she think Im not making enough of an effort? To many mixed feelings about this...(que the dramatic ending to a love story where boy apologizes to girl via driving up to her house on a lawn tractor playing a sappy love song until she comes out to meet him....and they kiss make up and ride off into the sunset......)

 

 

lol.....thanks for the smile and being my much needed clown for this morning, had an image of this.....kewt...smilin hope it works out..i think it will because i am grinning at the computer........deb

[d0nnivain]

Flowers are NEVER a bad idea.

 

 

They do not signal you are trying to buy her. You are spending money to suck up to her & curry favor, which you lost by doing whatever pi$$ed her off. Jewelry . . . now that would signal you are trying to buy her.

 

 

Men have been using flowers to apologize since time began. The florist industry would be in trouble if men stopped.

 

At the very least if she really hates you that much she can derive immense satisfaction from throwing them at you. j/k

[JerryBK]

My next question for you is, what if sending flowers is to overwhelming for her/she thinks that it is way to much for what we have?

(also another twitter update of hers reads..."I hate how the smallest things remind you of a memory you are trying to forget" followed by lyrics to a song that connects us to the first night that her and I hung out.....)

 

Im just worried about her response to me sending flowers going something like "thank you for the flowers Nick, Im really sorry though I just dont think things will work out."

[d0nnivain]

While that is a possiblity, at present things aren't working out so what do you have to lose besides the $30 you spend on the flowers?

[anna121]

X10.

 

If her response to the flowers is to confirm that you're done, at least you know.

 

Plus, it's a nice thing to do to someone you've wronged.

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

Stop over thinking, send the flowers. Own your crap and if she can't forgive you, let it go. Make this more about her and nothing about you.

[JerryBK]

Thanks for the input everyone...I needed that, flowers it is. I just have to figure out how to get them to her at her apt.

[aybc123]

Im just worried about her response to me sending flowers going something like "thank you for the flowers Nick, Im really sorry though I just dont think things will work out."

 

That's a distinct possibility, but it's not going to be the flowers that cause that, it'll have been whatever happened. You can't be afraid to try though.

 

People sometimes try to go NC and move on too soon without even trying. In this situation i think you have an obligation to yourself to try and, yes, risk getting hurt (but hurt is not a bad thing). If she thanks you for the flowers and the time but says that's it THATS when you go NC and move on.

 

Too little and too much are pretty much the same thing.

[JerryBK]

...Haven't heard anything from her personally, but a friend of mine heard from her. what she had to say....

"Quit pretending to be friends with someone you no longer care about, your not doing anyone a favor."