BLB93 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Lately I've been running into my ex-boyfriend at a local plaza where he works. It's been a year since our breakup, I was the dumper and we were together for a year and a half. I was still a teenager at the time and he was 23, and I broke it off because we were both emotionally abusive to each other and I couldn't stand to keep hurting him due to my own issues with depression, bipolar, and ADHD. This always happens when I'm out with my best friend who he occasionally still talks to. They'll approach each other and start talking while I awkwardly stand there quietly, not sure if I should even say anything because I haven't fully healed from our breakup and still have feelings for him, and NC is still probably the best idea. He never even acknowledges my presence or makes eye contact with me, as if he's pretending that I don't exist. I know it's probably because he hasn't gotten over an episode that happened about 6 months ago where I ruined his previous relationship (I won't get too into it, I've made previous posts about it) with his coworker that he claims he was madly in love with and wanted to marry. Finally, the other day I gathered the courage to attempt to talk to him, not even thinking about the NC rule. I asked, "Do you hate me?" to which he responded by telling me to "GO AWAY", and then he furiously stormed off. I apologized to him and started crying in front of my friend because of the disappointment I felt from thinking that there was a possibility that we could reconcile and casually start talking again, and also from finally realizing that he's very much over me and no longer loves me. Because of my mental health issues, it's taken me much longer to get over the breakup than it would for an average person. I'm currently on medication, things get a little easier each day and I've made a lot of improvements as a person, but I just can't shake this obsession with my ex. It's unhealthy and it's no way to live. Has anyone else taken this long to fully recover? What do you do to cope? Thanks.
Tarleton82 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 A dumper of your sorts who shows remorse. Well, I at least applaud you for doing that and showing that you are sorry and still care. No one's perfect but mine certainly didn't and probably never will. If I were him, I would have been at least happy that you did that. That would have made me feel somewhat better. Don't feel like you're the worst person in the world, you're not. You didn't run off with someone who was one of his close friends and you actually showed you felt bad. Bitterness on his end though, I can still understand, although I don't know the details of your guys' relationship. But I will say, I can't give much advice as my situation is much different than yours. 2
Tarleton82 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I also wouldn't blame your mental health issues on not being able to get over it, everybody's different. Although, I would say that, at least in my opinion, a year is unusual for a dumper. Hell, a day is unusual for a dumper. They usually could care a fig once the words "I'm leaving" come out of their mouths. 1
strive Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Lately I've been running into my ex-boyfriend at a local plaza where he works. STOP going there. You're making it difficult for him to get over his anger for you. You're making it difficult for yourself to move on. 2
Sugarkane Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Interesting I have cut off dumpers who screwed me over and they never seem to care at all.
Author BLB93 Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 Well I guess I'm not your typical dumper... After all this time, he's still on my mind non-stop. Everything reminds me of him. All I think about are our memories together, the good and the bad, the movies and music we used to like, thinking about how things could have been different and now it's too late, I've pushed him too far away. Just months ago we spoke on the phone and even though he was short and rude, he said that he'd always love me. But then to see him completely ignore me and then yell at me in public just kills me. The night I saw him while he was talking to my friend I noticed that he was wearing clothes and a jacket I bought him as past gifts. And then he brought up his ex that he's still enamored with in front of me. So clearly, he doesn't respect me and he's over it. I'm pathetic. I even had to check myself into a hospital because of how this all has affected me. What will it take to just learn to accept it and move on? They say that time heals, but it's been over a year and nothing's really changed. I'm watching him improve and thrive in life while I'm declining.
Sugarkane Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 But you said you have made improvements in your life? It sounds like your relationship was toxic on both ends and ending it was a good thing.
HorseLuck Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 There are dumpers who have remorse. I'm pretty sure many of them are just not outwardly open about it. You did the right thing in ending it with him. Someone had to take the stand and it was a brave course of action. Those issues would have led to the relationship ending whether you initiated or not. BLB93, are you receiving therapy aside from being on medication? Make a list of the reasons why you ended it with him and flaws he had. Keep it near your bed, a mirror, somewhere you will see it, and read it every day as a reminder when your thoughts start to bully you. You can recite positive affirmations at a certain time of the day. These really help to change your mindset. Writing in a journal. I recently purchased one separate from another one that i have, which I will use to write positive things in. It's good to have something you can look back on and reflect, which highlights the progress you've made. Do you feel ready to start dating again? How is your social life, are you keeping occupied? It took me longer than a year to recover from my first break-up so you're not alone. I'm dealing with another one which will probably take the same length, if not longer.
aybc123 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 I know it's probably because he hasn't gotten over an episode that happened about 6 months ago where I ruined his previous relationship (I won't get too into it, I've made previous posts about it) with his coworker that he claims he was madly in love with and wanted to marry. you're damn right that's why he wont talk to you. not only did you dump him you then proceeded to ruin a future chance at happiness of his. I would never forgive nor speak to someone who screwed up a relationship with someone I loved. I'm sorry i know that must be hard to hear but there are some things that cannot be reconciled. Try him in 5 years when he's married someone he loves and he MAY give you the time of day (don't do this, just move on stop going to the plaza and stop hoping for him to forgive you).
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