Will he come back?

[me85]

I'm so mad! My session timed out on me or something now I have to re-write. Ugh! So, much shorter version. lol

My ex and I broke up nearly 4 months ago after 2 years of dating. (I lived with him pretty much right off) He has been paying on engagement ring for well over a year. It was a mutual breakup. Sucked so much but I moved out & he was really rather afraid we were making a mistake. He's been helping me get moved and keeping very much in touch basically still being together & dating but not. I finally initiated wanting to talk because he has been so back and forth, wishy washy...he did not want to. I said it was time to let go because my hearts hurts being in limbo. He BROKE DOWN completely. Said he wanted a clean slate & to be my boyfriend again. Great! I was thrilled! Next day, back to square one & him saying he still wasn't sure. So I grow a pair and say goodbye cut ties. Tell him it's over. No calling talking or texting. He tears up says he scared of losing me forever. He basically told me he wants to make sure I'm the one before marrying me. OUCH. 2 days later already FBing me all sad and pitiful missing me telling me "to tell you the truth I think we will end up being together forever." and he thinks we are meant to be. Maybe he was drunk I don't know. This was 2 weeks ago. That first whole week of me remaining NC he sent sad messages and liking things I put on FB. I could not bring myself to delete him. He stopped contacting me for 7 days then this past Thurs he sent a really long message on FB (not the way to do it) saying "I see you have taken all of our pictures together off of your FB and have erased me from your life completely and have moved on now I shall too & am setting us free by deleting you. I'm not angry. I will always love you. I'm sorry we were not meant to be for whatever reason. I'm sorry I was not stronger or better. You are a beautiful strong woman. I hope your life continues to excel & you find what God intends for you. Goodbye my Jenn Jenn. -Your old friend." I left out other things but those were the highlights. He then deleted me & proceeded to liking other girls' profile pictures on FB. He has never done that before. & this chic isn't even his type. I think she is just boosting his ego so he may just be boosting hers. Who knows? I don't care. It just sucks because my NC rule has backfired on me. I've sent long emails begging him to reconsider he just responded by saying it was very sweet. He thinks it's time to step away from each other & see where life takes us even it it means dating other people. "Who knows what the future will hold." I'm ashamed because I have been texting him everyday. Not all day but a lot since, a lot more today. & he has clearly dead set. He says he loves me very much & cares for me deeply so who knows what will happen. He's been my life. The hardest thing is I'm losing my best friend & don't want to let go but don't want to force things either. Now we've both blocked each other from our FBs (I hate f%^&$#@ FB!) It has stupidly become the be all end all of relationships. He hasn't blocked me from his phone yet even tho he threatened to yesterday because I went off on him for liking another girl's profile pictures on Facebook. Again, this girl is not even his type. I think it's attention seeking. Not to sound full of myself but I am WAY better looking. lol I know that doesn't matter. I never really ever fully denied him now he's denying me. He's done and said these same things before only difference is now he is saying we both need to move on & has deleted me from FB. Was he just pissed that I took pictures down & he still had ours up on his? Is he just wanting to test the waters and try to come back if all else fails with someone else? Should I be ok with that. I will let him go and leave him alone but I'm scared he will think I don't care because 2 weeks ago he couldn't understand how it was "so easy for you to go cold turkey. I am usually not so hung up and grief-stricken. I do give my all and hurt deeply at a loss but this is BRUTAL. & I'm usually so confident. I'd do anything to keep this man by my side. & I know it's so not self respecting to settle for more than I deserve (he should fight for ME-he used to, what happened and what has changed in 2 weeks?) but I just want to text him occasionally and keep reminding him that I am still hopeful and willing to try. Who out there can relate? Please advise.

[HorseLuck]

Hey Me85. You weren't kidding when you said we had similar situations huh?

 

That is exactly what I wanted to avoid and why I went NC fast.

 

You need to cut him off completely. You've said your piece already. I'm sure he can figure out the purpose of no contact and is just grief stricken with emotions right now.

 

This was a mutual decision at first. Make a list of the issues and consider if it would even be wise to get back together if these things haven't improved. You had a purpose for doing it, the both of you. Now you're the one unsure.

 

If you keep in contact it will reassure him that you're on the sidelines and he still has you as a back-up plan after he's tested the waters, if he doesn't find a better catch. Why would you ever want to be a last option?

 

You don't need to remind him of anything..now is the time to put yourself first. Staying in contact would hurt you and keep setting you back. You're already having a rough time. If he wants you back, regardless of what you're doing- he will initiate contact. By the sounds of it, he's wishy washy. Even if he did reach out now there's no guarantee he wouldn't change his mind again. Time is going to be your best friend from now on.

[me85]

Tonight I found out that my recent ex (of 3 weeks) has been in a relationship with someone else (& FB official) out of state for the past few weeks after crying to me and begging me to come see him last weekend and sleeping with me filling my head with so much…

 

He kept this from me…stringing me along in case it doesn't work out with this other girl (which it won't-FACT)

 

2 nights ago he told me "you're still my best friend"

 

I was with this person for 3 years.

 

I've contemplated telling him I know everything...but I won't.

I'm just moving on and hope to never cross paths with him again.

 

No one has ever done anything like this to me.

[Keenly]

You have to stop talking to this guy. Sounds like he smooth talks you into getting what he wants.

[me85]

This it's relationships. You have a dozen crappy ones before the good one.

 

Why are you still finding out things? Are you practicing NC?

 

I am.

 

This is my first crappy one.

 

I found out through a mutual friend who came to me & thought I should know because I was completely in the dark allowing my ex to toy with me, leading on and lying to me and our mutual friend knew it was wrong and wanted me to know and thank God I know now because I finally have closure and can move on.

 

Thanks for the replies.

 

It's so strange because I have not cried about it.

Edited November 23, 2013 by me85

[me85]

Bury him me85 and feel no guilt. I would find out who this girl is (think you already know) and send this.

 

Hi my name is me85. I was with (boyfriends name) for three years. Last weekend I was under the pretence that maybe things weren't over. He said a lot of things that made me believe this. We ended up sleeping together.

 

Can you imagine my horror when I found out he had a new girlfriend. I genuinely did not know this at the time. I am just sending you this mail to let you know that your boyfriend is a cheater and a douchebag.

 

The end..

 

Then you block him from everything and go on permanent ignore. *******s like this need to know there are consequences for this behaviour. Bury him and feel no guilt. Then move on for good

 

I already blocked him on my phone way earlier in the day before knowing what my friend told me because … oh what a jerk, never mind all the **** he tried to feed me to keep me in his back pocket.

 

Screw this woman because, oh never mind again, I don't know her. She'll find out on her own. It's NOT my battle. It's not worth it.

 

I deserve so much better and I'm going to get it one of these days without having to stoop to their level.

 

But thank you for caring to respond! I really appreciate everyone's thoughts.

[me85]

You have to stop talking to this guy. Sounds like he smooth talks you into getting what he wants.

 

Believe me, I am NOT talking to him anymore. He isn't worth pissing on if he was on fire to me at this point.

 

WOW. Someone I loved so much, in an instant, I feel nothing for him-except pure regret and resentment.

 

I pray I do not carry around anger from this. I just want to be happy by moving forward and forgetting.

[Simplysimon]

I already blocked him on my phone way earlier in the day before knowing what my friend told me because … oh what a jerk, never mind all the **** he tried to feed me to keep me in his back pocket.

 

Screw this woman because, oh never mind again, I don't know her. She'll find out on her own. It's NOT my battle. It's not worth it.

 

I deserve so much better and I'm going to get it one of these days without having to stoop to their level.

 

But thank you for caring to respond! I really appreciate everyone's thoughts.

 

Men think differently. If you were with him 3 years he still has deep feelings and the girl means nothing to him. She's a rebound. If your relationship is over he is free to do as he wishes.

[d0nnivain]

He didn't do it to you although you are the one who was hurt by it. He did it to make himself feel better.

 

Learning this about him should make it much easier for you to let go & move forward. He's not worth it.

[theonlyjuan]

This is why you should go NC, block their FB and phone number.

 

You wouldn't have to put up with his crap then

[organizedchaos]

Bury him me85 and feel no guilt. I would find out who this girl is (think you already know) and send this.

 

Hi my name is me85. I was with (boyfriends name) for three years. Last weekend I was under the pretence that maybe things weren't over. He said a lot of things that made me believe this. We ended up sleeping together.

 

Can you imagine my horror when I found out he had a new girlfriend. I genuinely did not know this at the time. I am just sending you this mail to let you know that your boyfriend is a cheater and a douchebag.

 

The end..

 

Then you block him from everything and go on permanent ignore. *******s like this need to know there are consequences for this behaviour. Bury him and feel no guilt. Then move on for good

 

Do NOT do this.

[me85]

Men think differently. If you were with him 3 years he still has deep feelings and the girl means nothing to him. She's a rebound. If your relationship is over he is free to do as he wishes.

 

Yes he is free to do as he wishes but he has been lying to me about seeing someone else the whole entire time.

 

So that makes him a liar first and a cheater second (they're one in the same though actually) because hey, even if we were not technically "together" he was still leading me on and sleeping with me while he is in some bogus relationship with some other older woman with a kid (he always said he couldn't date someone with a kid) so if they are technically together he cheated on her.

 

My point is, he's a cheater either way.

 

Scum.

[me85]

Do NOT do this.

 

I'm not but I'm scared to death he may have given me an STD. No signs of anything but it's only been a week & I'm going to have myself checked out ASAP.

 

Should I tell him I know everything & threaten if he gave me anything or not?

[Confusedguy81]

He wants you for sex when he doesnt have anyone else. He's a manipulative POS. Ignore him and do better.

[me85]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my thread & share your opinion.

 

You are very wise with your words & I know everything you say is true.

 

So much has happened since I put this thread up & I have finally seen the light & gotten closure. It has been devastating but I feel so much better knowing that I am free from a horrible selfish person that had me under his thumb for so long.

 

I have blocked him from my phone & fully intend to walk tall & never look back.

 

He's made me resent him & I've never resented an ex, he is the first. I did not want it to come to that. No one has ever hurt me in so many ways & I've never been put in this position before, but there is a first time for everything & we live & we learn.

[me85]

He wants you for sex when he doesnt have anyone else. He's a manipulative POS. Ignore him and do better.

 

He most certainly is. Thank you.

 

I fully intend on it. He will never see or hear from me again & I hope & pray he leaves me alone for good & never comes to my work or tries to find me. I blocked him from my phone & he blocked me weeks ago from FB so we're good there. If he unblocks me & tries to reach out that way, I will ignore but honestly I don't think I ever have to worry about him getting in touch with me ever again & thank God!

 

I'm just terrified he may have given me an STD as we never wore protection.

[strive]

Get checked as soon as you can so you can have that one thing off your worry list.

[me85]

Get checked as soon as you can so you can have that one thing off your worry list.

 

Absolutely. I feel so unclean.

 

I've never been cheated on until now. To my knowledge anyway.

 

NOT A GOOD FEELING.

[me85]

The thing with these guys is that they have no remorse. If he gets caught it may force him to rethink a few things. I'd have no problem in burying the guy.

 

I have no problem burying him and moving on & erasing him from my memory because he is such a DOG.

 

I'm certain word will get back to him that I know somehow.

 

I won't have to participate for him to be exposed for who he really is.

 

The truth always reaches the surface.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

The thing with these guys is that they have no remorse. If he gets caught it may force him to rethink a few things. I'd have no problem in burying the guy.

 

......Im not hating, but PLEASE DONT DO ANY OF THIS!!!!!

 

Look, "revenge" is used in high school. What good is it going to do to tell his new fling about you guys??? It wont do a d*** thing other than make you look weak and caddy. That is ridiculous. It wont force him to do anything and wont make him "rethink" anything. What happened to you is REALLY awful and trust me I understand more than you know. You seem to have a nice head on your shoulders so thats awesome.

 

Stuff like this just takes some time and some self motivation. Do NOT contact him, do not go to his social networks (block EVERYTHING) and just keep moving forward. Really, the only thing you can do.

[me85]

......Im not hating, but PLEASE DONT DO ANY OF THIS!!!!!

 

Look, "revenge" is used in high school. What good is it going to do to tell his new fling about you guys??? It wont do a d*** thing other than make you look weak and caddy. That is ridiculous. It wont force him to do anything and wont make him "rethink" anything. What happened to you is REALLY awful and trust me I understand more than you know. You seem to have a nice head on your shoulders so thats awesome.

 

Stuff like this just takes some time and some self motivation. Do NOT contact him, do not go to his social networks (block EVERYTHING) and just keep moving forward. Really, the only thing you can do.

 

Thank you so much.

 

I have NO intentions of contacting that girl what-so-ever. No worries there.

Because I am an ADULT & have had enough drama & heartache & it just flat out isn't worth it. Like you said, what would it solve or change? Not a damn thing.

 

I only wondered whether or not I should let him know that I know. Only so he doesn't think he got away with anything. But…I doubt I will.

 

Thoughts guys?

[headinthecloud]

Yes he is free to do as he wishes but he has been lying to me about seeing someone else the whole entire time.

 

So that makes him a liar first and a cheater second (they're one in the same though actually) because hey, even if we were not technically "together" he was still leading me on and sleeping with me while he is in some bogus relationship with some other older woman with a kid (he always said he couldn't date someone with a kid) so if they are technically together he cheated on her.

 

My point is, he's a cheater either way.

 

Scum.

 

Then be glad you're done with him. He did you a favor. At least it wasn't 10yrs wasted. Time for full NC and healing yourself so you can find someone who is honest with you.

[headinthecloud]

Thank you so much.

 

I have NO intentions of contacting that girl what-so-ever. No worries there.

Because I am an ADULT & have had enough drama & heartache & it just flat out isn't worth it. Like you said, what would it solve or change? Not a damn thing.

 

I only wondered whether or not I should let him know that I know. Only so he doesn't think he got away with anything. But…I doubt I will.

 

Thoughts guys?

 

I would just let everything go. I wanted desperately to reach out to my ex and tell him all the **** I found out about. But I didnt. I stopped myself because I realized I would only be feeding his ego by showing I cared about what he did to me. Instead, I decided to chalk it up to a learning experience. It took me months but now I'm healed and will hopefully heed the red flags next time.

Edited November 24, 2013 by headinthecloud

[me85]

Then be glad you're done with him. He did you a favor. At least it wasn't 10yrs wasted. Time for full NC and healing yourself so you can find someone who is honest with you.

 

He did do me a favor.

 

Ya, I'm going to take a long time for myself. I've got the Great Wall of China built around my heart and I'm still adding bricks. Not even the Kool Aid Man can bust through.

 

All I want in life is a family and I pray I meet a good honest man who wants the same with me.

[BC1980]

He did do me a favor.

 

Ya, I'm going to take a long time for myself. I've got the Great Wall of China built around my heart and I'm still adding bricks. Not even the Kool Aid Man can bust through.

 

All I want in life is a family and I pray I meet a good honest man who wants the same with me.

 

My ex didn't cheat on me (that I know of), but I still feel so distrustful of people because of him. It makes me sick to think that I ever wanted this person back.