highred Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 (edited) ...because I want to go full NC? For the sake of either clearing my head, or getting her to miss me for a possible reconciliation. I care for her very much. We speak almost everyday. I am close to her Son, family and friends. She says that she is not a good "mate" and is "very selfish". She spends a lot of time alone and in her yard. She also has a mutual friend that introduced us that she goes out with. Since there are only two bars in the small mountain town where we live it's impossible not to run into her. And I know for a fact she isn't seeing anyone. (Town of 800). She thinks having a relationship is a major commitment. (She was previously married for 10 years and then dated a guy for 7). (I'm 49 and she is 43). She calls me at night to tell me about her day and I just listen (I rarely call her.) Once in awhile I tell her something about my day, but she doesn't ask. She doesn't really ask much at all about me anymore. She just talks. Meanwhile, I am constantly thinking about where I am with her, will she ever want to be together again, what happens when I see her the next time, it's all driving me nuts! I would take her back in a minute, but I am just lost with what to do with myself. And then there's her 15 year old Son who adores me. And the friends we all mutually associate with. And the one Grocery store in town. She's put me in the Friend Zone and I feel like I am in JAIL. I don't know what to do short of move. Edited November 11, 2013 by highred
Author highred Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 There's no such thing as the Friend Zone. You're either attracted to someone, or you're not. ..... So what is the response to "are you ignoring me?", or, "why won't you talk to me?" I'm thinking "I was you, before I met you. Stingy with my time. Selfish. not a good mate." Because she is the first person I have dated in 5 years. It was 2 years for her. But she lit me up with her pride. Pride in her home, yard, Son, work, etc. That's what attracted me to her. A rare commodity.
Author highred Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Nothing. No response. Just leave it. Silence says more than words. Just ignore... Ignore. Tough to do here. When I walk into our hangout and she is sitting there, ignoring her will only prompt her to come over to me and say "why are you ignoring me?" Same question she will ask about texts and calls.
Author highred Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Then avoid the hangout for a while. Find a new one. Not possible where we live. Whether it's a bar or someone's house. Small town. We all know each other. If I withdraw, it will become the talk of the town. No traffic lights here for 25 miles. Everyone gets together socially every weekend. I will see her. Only 1 grocery store and 1 gas station. We will meet.
Author highred Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Then avoid the hangout for a while. Find a new one. Remember, I know all of her friends and family.
Author highred Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 (edited) Moving is certainly an option. That will take months. I need to know what to say tomorrow at the cafe when I see her, or the grocery, bar, gas station. I will see her. Imagine damn near being in the same house. The other bedroom. Like passing in the hall everyday. Edited November 11, 2013 by highred
organizedchaos Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Moving is certainly an option. That will take months. I need to know what to say tomorrow at the cafe when I see her, or the grocery, bar, gas station. I will see her. Imagine damn near being in the same house. The other bedroom. Like passing in the hall everyday. Can't you just tell her to leave you alone for awhile so you can move on?
Author highred Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Can't you just tell her to leave you alone for awhile so you can move on? I thought the same thing. Maybe just say I need some distance. But then that would suggest I am not interested in her when I still want her back. I am basing all of this on the book called Get Back Plan by David Allen. It's supposed to teach you how to re-attract your ex. This is part of what it says: ...Let’s define exactly what is meant by “distance.” It means, in plain English, absolutely no contact of any kind with your ex partner. You are not allowed to communicate to him or her in person, on the phone, or on the internet. You must avoid all contact with his or her friends, as well.... ...also... Giving each other distance accomplishes these three main things – 1. Respect for you 2. You can think with your head instead of your emotions 3. Your ex will begin to miss you!
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