does divorce always mean "failure?"

[oldshirt]

This was a question posed on another thread awhile back and it got me thinking. Does a marriage always have to last until death to be considered a success? Is it a success if it lasts until death (assuming natural death) even if one or more of the parties was miserable throughout most of it? Can a couple have a successful marriage, then grow apart and have a successful divorce? If that happens, can it still be considered a successful marriage while it lasted?

 

What are your thoughts? Discuss.......

[carhill]

Mixed bag, IMO. Although overall I found marriage to be a success, it did bring to light significant failures in myself which I sought to rectify and learn from and hopefully mitigate through the divorce process. I came to better understand my exW's perspective on why she felt down about dealing with a third divorce. It can be hard to remain positive when culminating 25+ years of married life with multiple divorces. However, she appears to be doing fine and I've moved on emotionally and am now recovering financially so overall I feel the divorce was good for both of us. Bumpy along the way, both in M and D, but not so intractable as to term a 'failure'. Mixed bag.

[M30USA]

Moreso for men. At least that is the general stereotype in America. Women generally get a free pass from blame in a divorce unless its really extreme like murder or smoking crack next to the children.

[oldshirt]

Moreso for men. At least that is the general stereotype in America. Women generally get a free pass from blame in a divorce unless its really extreme like murder or smoking crack next to the children.

 

 

without regard to my own feelings on the general topic, I do kind of agree with this to a degree. Whether we like it or not men are often thought of as the "head of the household" so like a captain being ultimately held accountable if his ship sinks, a husband will likely always bare a disproportionate percentage of the blame for the dissolution of the marriage.

 

I think people will always see a couple getting a divorce and will wonder, "what did he do/not do?" more than they will wonder, "what did she do/not do?"

[M30USA]

without regard to my own feelings on the general topic, I do kind of agree with this to a degree. Whether we like it or not men are often thought of as the "head of the household" so like a captain being ultimately held accountable if his ship sinks, a husband will likely always bare a disproportionate percentage of the blame for the dissolution of the marriage.

 

I think people will always see a couple getting a divorce and will wonder, "what did he do/not do?" more than they will wonder, "what did she do/not do?"

 

Yep, and it WOULD be fair that men have all the responsibility IF they also had power and authority in the marriage. But men in America don't.

 

Remember this formula:

 

Responsibility - Authority = Slavery

 

In the past, men actually had authority over the family because the women and children submitted to the man. Modern men have all the responsibility but without the authority they used to. This equates to slavery.

 

See the truth. Forget being PC. Cheers.

[trippi1432]

This was a question posed on another thread awhile back and it got me thinking. Does a marriage always have to last until death to be considered a success? Is it a success if it lasts until death (assuming natural death) even if one or more of the parties was miserable throughout most of it? Can a couple have a successful marriage, then grow apart and have a successful divorce? If that happens, can it still be considered a successful marriage while it lasted?

 

What are your thoughts? Discuss.......

 

Without reading any other posts to this question...it really depends on the definition of death....both partners hold that in their hands and it typically trades places many times. Either partner can cheat and the marriage won't be death until one gives up...either the one cheated on, or the one who cheated.

 

In either case, the one who was cheated on might want to resurrect the dead. This typically happens when a person thinks that their relationship is different and their spouse is different and he/she really means what they say....then, like the Walking Dead, they get their heart eaten out of their body and go on in life with dead, lifeless eyes until someone finally puts them out of their suffering with a bullet to the brain. Then they "wake up" ...they don't actually die, they go on to live a good, full life.....(God I love Disney)

 

Then there is the cheating spouse..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................Oh...sorry....there is death. That is typically finite.