It's just alittle personal space....not like I am asking you to kill someone!

[punkypower_21]

[font=courier new][/font][color=darkblue][/color]I been in a a relationship with my gf for over a year now our 2nd xmas. She cannot comprehend the meaning of space, if I want space it means I am not wanting to be in our relationship and I am selfish. It makes no sense..how can somone not want space? She is insecure and untrusting of me and has no reason. Space = you are going to become a party animal an be let off your leash.... She says I have to prove to her that I am not going to be this person she has created when I am "let off my leash". She gets mad that I want freinds, but it's ok for her to and I am not allowed to make friends online or girls that are pretty!!!!! I am trying working 2 jobs and just want time to relax when i get home. yes I liek to cuddle but I don't have to do everything with her and I don't have to do everything at teh same time, she wants to go to bed welll mayeb I wanna watch some tv. Besides I don't have t get up at the same time.!! I am not and individual anymore, she has no hobbies and is not outgoing. Me I am going the music scene and am not afraid of unfamiliar situations. Her it has to be gay affiliated events for her to feel comfortable....meaning nothing happens around here!! oh yeah...we live together, i mved here for her and stopped smoking,drinking and partying cuz she disaproves.

 

*vent vent* ok let me here your thoughts...

KIT

[neptoon]

Wow, punky, even as a female, I say that really sucks.

 

I don't know how to fix this -- I'm just sympathizing with your situation. She really needs to get some hobbies.

 

My man and I have together hobbies (we play darts together on friday nights and are on separate teams where we get to socialize with other people). I try to make it a note not to socialize so much with him and socialize more with other people b/c that's the whole point of it, I suppose.

 

I'm not very outgoing either...I like to do a lot of by-myself stuff (photography, computers, etc.). He likes team sports a lot. I make it a point to myself sometimes to do these things on my own -- I don't want to abandon my own hobbies simply because they aren't things he's not interested in. I really hate it when his family criticizes me for not liking team sports -- I dunno, it's just not my thing and I prefer to go to places with interesting landscape and lighting and just take pictures.

 

You really need space to be yourself. I don't ask for a lot of space -- I just go ahead and do it -- I tell him I'm going to such and such a place and going to shoot some pics and I'll be back by such and such a time (and that he can call me on my cell if he needs me) or that I just want to stay home (if he asks me to go to some social function) and play with my machines. It took a while to cultivate this, though. I have had times where I was attached to some guy at the hips and it made me really unhappy. I think it was compulsive behavior in those situations -- it wasn't something that made me happy but I did it anyway.

 

Don't ask for space. Just say you're going to do whatever it is you're going to do. Don't lie about it, either...the worse thing you can do is lie about it and get caught and it'll justify the reasons why she's not giving you space. Maybe make yourself available through cell phone and reassure her the first few times that you aren't cheating on her. Create an environment where she feels comfortable. Don't discuss it, just do it. By discussing it, you're bringing focus to it and therefore communicating there is a problem (thereby making her feel more insecure). Invite her to come along and she might the first few times but then she'll just think it's boring and find her own thing to do.

 

She really should find some hobbies for personal development. Personal hobbies + projects are good for the soul.