Tom Crick Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Hi Folks, Cheers for chancing upon my thread. The basic premise is that I'm seeing a guy and we've been doing said seeing for about a year. It is a long distance relationship which probably doesn't aid matters, but have public transport, will travel. He's self-employed and living & working in one of the world's biggest and most expensive cities. He's got tax issues, employee issues, people issues. Knocking on the door of being 50 years old, too. Low self-esteem. AND, he has depression. I've done my fair share of Googling and he basically ticks every symptom, from indecision to irritation to a lost libido. Now, having suffered from it myself, I know how it can feel, but my little overtures haven't been well received. Drugs? He's tried them and they don't work. Therapy? He can't face it. He's normalising things for himself to a degree where surely everyone has their empire of misery in which they co-exist alone in their flat with iPlayer, don't they? The more I nudge, the bigger the defences get. I don't really know a / what to do and b / whether or not I can actually do anything I know that he himself has to want to get help, so I'm already on nodding terms with my own impotence when it comes to this situation. I also know that we may need to break up because in my book, a relationship exists to enhance the lives of those people in it. Yes, challenges come along but I can't drag him to the doc and put the happy pill in his mouth for him. But I'd like to think that there is a way to handle a partner with depression which doesn't necessarily include chucking in the towel. Does anyone here have any wise words to share? If so, they'd be much appreciated Cheers TC
happywithlife Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Hi Folks, I know that he himself has to want to get help, so I'm already on nodding terms with my own impotence when it comes to this situation. I also know that we may need to break up because in my book, a relationship exists to enhance the lives of those people in it. Yes, challenges come along but I can't drag him to the doc and put the happy pill in his mouth for him. But I'd like to think that there is a way to handle a partner with depression which doesn't necessarily include chucking in the towel. TC I applaud your effort to help someone in need. Unfortunately, you have hit the nail on the head. You cannot help someone who does not want to help himself. If you have offered help and he refuses, there isn't much you can do. The only other advice I have is has he tried ECT? I know its controversial, and can't decide whether or not I agree with it, but many swear that it helps depressed people who have had no luck with the meds. 1
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