hugznkisses21 Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 As u know me and my bf have been together 1.5 years, we see eachother 1-2 times a week if we are lucky...we live one hour away and just with work, school, family its hard to have time....ok enough said not the issue.... Ok issue is i just spend 9 hours at the hospital with my dad...he is ok...but im still shaken, tired, emotional and worried..... I call my bf to let him know what happening....them ;later this afternoon i give him an update and let him know everything is ok....st this point im exhausted, all teary cause it was a scary time and such and i start asking him about next week and what his plans are...cause he needs to write an exam before christmas...anyways the exam is on the 23rd in the morning and he proceeds to say and the men (only 5 guys work for the small company) are doing their annual xmas wing and beer...fine cool...EXCEPT....i thought that was going to be our night for doing OUR xmas...BECAUSE.....his family is very strict euorpean (Croatian) and they dont have bf's and gf's at their family traditions until they are engaged.....now i have gotten around a few of these...i.e thanks giving and such but they do things in such a way that is is very tight family orientrf...his mom has explained this...it is tough coming from a very laid back family but i respect that and its been 1.5 years so im slowly getting in there but it isnt a comfortable thing for his dad whom is off the boat and does things how they do in croatia...ok i respect that cause i love them, i love him and they are wonderful people......now....i tell him that thursday was our night to do this liek last year and he says well maybe wednesday...i say i already have plans....and hes like well i want to but i want to go to my xmas party....At this point with all said above im in tears thinking how could he make me feel unimortant and whatever.....so i tell him this and he thinks im getting a bit upset when no plans are final he has to see whats goining ...so im upset for no reason.......He is in a huge hurry to get his truck lic'd and regisdterd in one hour and is running around to do so and is stressed abouyt that cause he has no car and needs it all done before they close cause he has to work tomorrow and i think he was a bit edgey and flustered cause of this...he stresses easily.....ok so i phoned him back said i am a bit tired and emotional cause of last night i shouldnt have freaked on him and that i apologise for getting so upset when he is right nothing was filnal and that he was going to figure something out..... Do i have a right to feel left out or was a over reacting a bit and now what do i do...i dont want to be pushy....he is very laid back when it comes to making plans...he doesnt really make many cause he is always in six places at once . What do i say now.....after i called to apologise he was like....i really gotta go im at the lic' place it going to close i gotta go bye. Maybe im over analyzing this but can i get come inputt...i hate when he argue or bicker cause i feel like he will always remember what a pain i was and never look at me like when i first met him and everything was flowers and daisys..... Let me tell u we love eachother but im just feeling a bit upset..maybe i need to relax more
Barby Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Girl you seriously need to relax, you're going to end up pushing him away with constantly needing re-assurance, and not respecting his plans, and choices. I don't mean to sound cruel but as you well know your insecurity has been an issue and this is just another extent of it. If he has to go to his work's christmas party then what do you expect him to do? Blow it off? Can you go with him?
Author hugznkisses21 Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 no its like 5 grown men sitting around drinking beer...now wives or gfs...so what do u suggest i do now when he calls back? act like nothing happened?
Barby Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Explain that you too are going through some hard emotional times, you were looking forward to seeing him, you're sorry that he won't be coming to be with you since he can't bring you to his family's gathering, and let him know you didn't mean to "freak" on him. My suggestion to you is to honestly try not to take things so personally. I don't know why he finds drinking beer with his co-workers more important but maybe he feels he needs to show them he's a "team player"??!! When he calls you don't get deffensive, remember what he does, he doesn't do to hurt you, he's just living his life..yes he should include you or make your relationship top priority but it sounds like at times that just isn't possible for him.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 ya i guess its hard cause im opposite i make him a prioty in my life right up there with my family...i guess we will figure something out...i did say that i was going through things and im sorry he said i understand and im sorry to hear that...u didint get me mad. U see with him its like he doesnt put anyone first he always wants to make everyone happy and not let anyone down but in fatc in order to do that someone is going to get let down. He loves doing his guy things which he is a very hard worker and doesnt get too often i guess the only way i see it is he doesnt see me often either...so i guess i get a bit selfish
Barby Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 It's natural to want to see him obviously and it's normal that you make him a priority but since you know he can't do the same I would suggest focusing your attenion else where, with friends and family then see him when you can but don't put so much energy into worrying about it. (i know easier said than done).
Author hugznkisses21 Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 no kidding... and at the time my feelings are hurt and im not one to hold back so i teel what he said that hurt me and why i would feel this way and then provbably 5 mins after i get afraid he will break up for me gving him a hard time
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