OpheliaSong Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Hi everyone. I need some different views than my own. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. Over the last three months or so, we have been drifting apart. The reason is because he is too possessive and jealous. I have always been faithful and really tried to do everything I could to minimize his jealousy. He is rather macho and I thought maybe he it was just a phase. However, it seems to be getting worse. One of his friend's girlfriends cheated on him so now my boyfriend is checking my phone, looking at my computer, going through my purses, and following me back to my place after social situations. Honestly, it is just annoying. Is this because his friend's gf cheated or has it always been like this and I didn't notice because we were in our romantic phase? Not fun to feel like I am not trusted.
beyond Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Hi everyone. I need some different views than my own. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. Over the last three months or so, we have been drifting apart. The reason is because he is too possessive and jealous. I have always been faithful and really tried to do everything I could to minimize his jealousy. He is rather macho and I thought maybe he it was just a phase. However, it seems to be getting worse. One of his friend's girlfriends cheated on him so now my boyfriend is checking my phone, looking at my computer, going through my purses, and following me back to my place after social situations. Honestly, it is just annoying. Is this because his friend's gf cheated or has it always been like this and I didn't notice because we were in our romantic phase? Not fun to feel like I am not trusted. Annoying? I'd say It's a lot more than annoying, its creepy, disgusting and downright wrong! Whether it's to do with his friends gf cheating or not (why are you held accountable for her wrongs??????) it's not normal behaviour. 3
happywithlife Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Does not sound like a good situation. If you have never given your boyfriend reason to doubt your fidelity, then he needs to trust you. If you set boundaries - no going through my phone, purse, computer and no following me home - and he disrespects them, its time to move on. Everyone deserves a loving, trusting relationship. And be careful, if you choose to stay with him, his current actions point to the possibility of future mental, verbal, and physical abuse. (Not saying for sure it would happen but extreme jealousy and distrust are signs that abuse may happen). 1
Author OpheliaSong Posted November 10, 2013 Author Posted November 10, 2013 These were my thoughts too. I promise I have never cheated, or lied to him. I am supposed to see him tonight. I think the crazy train has just ran off the track. I can't be with someone who is so distrustful and who lets other people's issues bleed into our relationship. I am under an amazing amount of stress right now because I am in college working on my Masters. It seems like he went from being a nice boyfriend to being an overbearing tyrant lately.
NJtoDC Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Over the last three months or so, we have been drifting apart. The reason is because he is too possessive and jealous. I have always been faithful and really tried to do everything I could to minimize his jealousy. He is rather macho and I thought maybe he it was just a phase. However, it seems to be getting worse. What has set him off with his jealousy and what have you done to minimize it? 1
d0nnivain Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 You aren't trusted. I'd sit your BF down & get him to confirm that he has found nothing because you are not cheating. Remind your BF that you are not his buddy's cheating EX. If your BF isn't willing to trust you, where is the basis for your relationship? 1
anna121 Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 I couldn't stay in a relationship under these conditions. Do you feel intimidated by him? What would you think about refusing him access to your electronic property, and demanding that he stop following you? Again, though, my first thought is RUN. 1
Author OpheliaSong Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 (edited) I tried to talk to him about this and he said that all women are wh*res and shouldn't be trusted. I think his anger for his friend is making him a loser. I don't deserve this. I did nothing wrong. I told him that I find his behavior unacceptable, gave him his key to his apartment (I had it so I could help him with his dog sometimes) and went to gather my coat and keys. He was following me around saying stuff like, Yeah, all b*tches leave in the end. You probably going to some other guys house." I stopped and looked him in the eyes and said I didn't do anything and he was punishing me for what happened to his friend. I am not going to accept this bitter crap he is spewing that he and his friends were saying due to his friend's gf cheating. I am a good girl. So angry. I thought he cared for me. So sad. So over. He used to be so crazy about me and said I was the woman of his dreams. Now it is a nightmare. Edited November 11, 2013 by OpheliaSong
Uwaae Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Youre the one that was attracted to that. very sorry... But hey, we all make mistakes. Now you know some better traits in guys
Kate9292 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Doesn't it feel suffocating for you? You have a right to your privacy and he doesn't respect that. He doesn't even respect you as a person. Is that how you want to live?
Author OpheliaSong Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Youre the one that was attracted to that. very sorry... But hey, we all make mistakes. Now you know some better traits in guys He has never been like that before so no I wasn't attracted tot hat. He was a clean cut attorney so please don't sit here and act like this is my fault. He never ever treated me with anything except respect until he started getting possessive and checking my stuff behind my back. Don't blame me for something he did. I was just trying to make sure that I wasn't overreacting with this post. I wasn't. 1
Author OpheliaSong Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Doesn't it feel suffocating for you? You have a right to your privacy and he doesn't respect that. He doesn't even respect you as a person. Is that how you want to live? No, I broke up with him. It is over. Geez. Do you guys not read the entire thread? I said we were over.
anna121 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Do you live alone? If so, see if you can change your locks. Not to worry you unnecessarily, but his anger is over the top and it doesn't hurt to be careful. If I were you, I would go no contact. Do you have lots of friends in common? Do yourself a favour and block him from FB and either block his number or refuse to into a back and forth. Be good to yourself right now. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Ophelia I'm sorry it had to end so dramatically with him seemingly getting worse. From your post I can tell that your brain knows you did the right thing. Sorry he turned into such a nightmare. As awful as he was, know this: you did what was best for you. You left with your integrity & morals intact. 1
Author OpheliaSong Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 there are much more topics then this one to read. its not our job to read every little thing you post. You know, you are right. I just wanted some support because I had a really bad break-up but I guess chicks on here are just catty and can't be nice to other girls...meow! 1
Author OpheliaSong Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Do you live alone? If so, see if you can change your locks. Not to worry you unnecessarily, but his anger is over the top and it doesn't hurt to be careful. If I were you, I would go no contact. Do you have lots of friends in common? Do yourself a favour and block him from FB and either block his number or refuse to into a back and forth. Be good to yourself right now. Thank you anna. It is nice to see someone is very kind here. No, we don't have mutual friends. I have already called my dad to come change the locks, but he didn't have a key anyway. Thank you again for being so nice. I really appreciate it.
Author OpheliaSong Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Ophelia I'm sorry it had to end so dramatically with him seemingly getting worse. From your post I can tell that your brain knows you did the right thing. Sorry he turned into such a nightmare. As awful as he was, know this: you did what was best for you. You left with your integrity & morals intact. Wow, another nice post. Thanks Donnivain for your kind and helpful words. I just don't understand how someone can go from being a sweet thoughtful boyfriend to that. He keeps calling me and leaving texts, but I just don't want to talk to him. I have been a really good girlfriend. When his dad died, I was there for his entire family and took care of everything fro him. I know this has to do with his best friend's girlfriend cheating, but I wish he wouldn't blame me for her cheating. I won't give him another chance because we had talked about him invading my privacy and about him being short with me since he found out she cheated on his friend. I had talked to him twice. This is enough fro anyone to get the message that he is not a good guy. Thanks for being so nice. I needed some support right now. 2
Author OpheliaSong Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Thank you anna. It is nice to see someone is very kind here. No, we don't have mutual friends. I have already called my dad to come change the locks, but he didn't have a key anyway. Thank you again for being so nice. I really appreciate it. He didn't have a key but my dad said I needed to change my locks anyway since he may have had one made when he went through my purse. Dads a cop so I guess I will listen to him...thanks again.
Author OpheliaSong Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 What has set him off with his jealousy and what have you done to minimize it? His best friend's girlfriend cheated so now according to him, all women are cheaters. I would be very transparent about where I was going and ask him to go with me when I went out to dinner and to visit friends. I honestly thought it was just anger about his friend's girlfriend because he has never acted macho before and jealous.
Targetlock Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 what a shame, probably a good thing you are getting out of that. if not now, something could have happened later on to cause that kind of unfair behavior. 1
Author OpheliaSong Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 what a shame, probably a good thing you are getting out of that. if not now, something could have happened later on to cause that kind of unfair behavior. Thank you. I hadn't thought of that, but you are right. It is better that it happened now than a year from now when we were talking about getting engaged. Maybe this is a good thing because I never want to see that man again who talked to me so awful.
Author OpheliaSong Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Doesn't it feel suffocating for you? You have a right to your privacy and he doesn't respect that. He doesn't even respect you as a person. Is that how you want to live? I apologize for being rude to you. I am just really upset right now and I wrote my post to you in rather a hateful way which I am not usually like. I didn't mean to be snippy.
Author OpheliaSong Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Youre the one that was attracted to that. very sorry... But hey, we all make mistakes. Now you know some better traits in guys I also am sorry I snipped at you too. Of course you didn't know that this is recent behavior and I am sorry for being mean to you. What I think I have learned is that it takes a long time to really know someone...really know someone.
Author OpheliaSong Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 Well, I finally took his call and he begged to see me, but I just told him that he is not the man I thought he was. He said that he let his friends talk cloud his judgment because he know that I am not like that. I just told him that I don't want a man who is so easily influenced by his friends when it comes to be being mean to me. He was crying when we got off the phone, but I didn't feel anything really. My dad is my role model and he basically sat me down earlier in the day and told me that real men are never reactive or combative towards the women they are supposed to love. My mama and daddy have been married for forty years so I listen to him. Thanks for all the support. I am sorry to those who I was snippy with. I was upset but that was no reason for it. Now, I just have to move on. I just feel kind of numb right now. My friends are coming over and we are going to watch episodes of The Big bang Theory I have taped and have some food. I really feel as though I wasted so much time, and it scares me how little I knew him in the end. 1
anna121 Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 He didn't have a key but my dad said I needed to change my locks anyway since he may have had one made when he went through my purse. Dads a cop so I guess I will listen to him...thanks again. Glad to see you proactive! Your Dad is smart. Now, think about other ways to shut yourself off from him (phone calls, messages etc). I promise that it will help you heal faster. 1
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