Not sure if women around here like my 'brand'.

[Biscous]

I recently moved to Texas a bit over two years ago. I was in a LDR for a bit when I moved here, but this past year I've been on my own. Single and refocused.

 

I'm glad that I have an amazing career where I live, but I've noticed that although I get signals and people saying I'm very attractive, the women I want are just not into my 'brand'.

 

By brand I mean what my package is. My look, style, etc. I'm not sure if a preppy black guy such as myself fits here amongst the cowboy types funny enough. Either that or the tatted up bad boy. Just not my style.

 

I'm very successful, am fortunate that I kept my body in great shape throughout my 20s. I just turned 30. I'm very clean cut (I can provide pics if anyone asks about my looks, etc). 6'1'' approaching 200 and stay physically active.

 

I'm not sure if I may come off intimidating to some women or they are just not into 'me'. This is frustrating due to the fact that I feel like I may be in a situation where I may be changing something that isn't there. I'm not sure.

 

Just last week I had an older woman tell me that I "made her day" seeing me because she thought I was very good looking and she gave me a free coffee. That was cool A younger lady told me that I have a very nice bone structure, but much of this at times doesn't transpire into getting the women I want or being successful with women here as I should.

 

Just FYI I've gone on some online dates with women, many when I saw them I was not attracted to and furthermore not compatible with, so I've had some dates here, just not the success I want.

[NJtoDC]

What are your expectations in a woman you would be willing to date?

[Biscous]

What are your expectations in a woman you would be willing to date?

 

Expectations in terms of looks or personality?

[NJtoDC]

Expectations in terms of looks or personality?

...much of this at times doesn't transpire into getting the women I want or being successful with women here as I should.

 

Just FYI I've gone on some online dates with women, many when I saw them I was not attracted to and furthermore not compatible with, so I've had some dates here, just not the success I want.

 

 

Both. Whatever is it you require in a mate. You aren't getting the women you want. Who are those women? What success do you deem you should have and why?

 

Why weren't you attracted to the women from OLD? Why weren't you compatible? What is success to you?

[Biscous]

...much of this at times doesn't transpire into getting the women I want or being successful with women here as I should.

 

Just FYI I've gone on some online dates with women, many when I saw them I was not attracted to and furthermore not compatible with, so I've had some dates here, just not the success I want.

 

 

Both. Whatever is it you require in a mate. You aren't getting the women you want. Who are those women? What success do you deem you should have and why?

 

Why weren't you attracted to the women from OLD? Why weren't you compatible? What is success to you?

 

Thanks for the response.

 

First and foremost is personality and lifestyle. For example, I met this one girl online and it annoyed me to no end that she was using 'lol' in each statement she made. I ignored it and continued to call her to arrange something.

 

I asked her "How does Thai sound?" She hesitated as though she was puzzled..."..sure". I opted somewhere else she may be more familiar with. She was OK to talk to, but yes nothing in common. I also was not strongly physically attracted to her.

 

One thing that I definitely notice with women is if they understand my dry humor, then more than likely we are going to get along.

 

My 'type' of girl I would seriously date would probably be one that is a bit preppy, athletic or at least works out since I find personal health crucial in life, dresses nicely, but we are talking casual here, there has to be some sort of commonality with personality. I've dated women with tattoos and different backgrounds but we had things to talk about.

 

I tend to go after women outside my race a lot, especially white, but I've dated black women too and dating intra/interracially doesn't necessarily imply compatibility.

 

I met a girl last week that was a biologist (not an OLD, a girl I met over the weekend). I thought she was interesting and we had good conversation. I don't know if she was closed off or something. She concluded that she didn't really feel the click to continue, and I agreed. I couldn't get enough physicality with her when I took her hiking on a trail. She wasn't really dressed to impressed. She said that I was over dressed.

 

I don't know if I'm being descriptive enough for you but those came to mind.

[Woggle]

Texas might not be for you. You have to wear a cowboy hat and Thai might as well be some alien cuisine to them. Italian food is probably too ethnic for them.

[USMCHokie]

You might want to reevaluate how you market yourself...if the women you are attracted to aren't into your brand, then you simply have to change your marketing strategy...or be willing to date women who are into your brand...

[Biscous]

Texas might not be for you. You have to wear a cowboy hat and Thai might as well be some alien cuisine to them. Italian food is probably too ethnic for them.

 

I was going to mention that it is different than living in places like Northern Virginia or Atlanta and living in San Antonio.

 

I've been considering a move to Austin but my career is keeping me here a bit longer.

[Woggle]

I was going to mention that it is different than living in places like Northern Virginia or Atlanta and living in San Antonio.

 

I've been considering a move to Austin but my career is keeping me here a bit longer.

 

You will probably be better off in a liberal place. I am making a big move next year and I ruled out any red states.

[USMCHokie]

You will probably be better off in a liberal place.

 

Why would you say this...?

[FitChick]

I would think Dallas would be a more sophisticated place by virtue of having more wealthy people.

 

Which black celeb do you most resemble? Just curious.

[Biscous]

I would think Dallas would be a more sophisticated place by virtue of having more wealthy people.

 

Which black celeb do you most resemble? Just curious.

 

I'll just PM you.

[Jon Tenzo]

Unfortunately the South is not a place for an intelligent successful and worldly man to reside period. There are a lot of dumb women up here in NYC too but here it's considered socially unacceptable to be outwardly and deliberately ignorant.

 

In Texas you get called a "smart aleck" by displaying too much knowledge of any subject in particular.

 

If you plan on spending some more time there due to work, I would highly advise dumbing down your speech, adapting to the local accent and keeping a low profile. Just not so much to the point of where it makes you sick, but enough to be able to co-exist with the local wildlife.

 

That being said not all Texans are dumb, the intelligent ones are just REALLY difficult to find.

[NJtoDC]

Thanks for the response.

 

First and foremost is personality and lifestyle. For example, I met this one girl online and it annoyed me to no end that she was using 'lol' in each statement she made. I ignored it and continued to call her to arrange something.

 

I asked her "How does Thai sound?" She hesitated as though she was puzzled..."..sure". I opted somewhere else she may be more familiar with. She was OK to talk to, but yes nothing in common. I also was not strongly physically attracted to her.

 

One thing that I definitely notice with women is if they understand my dry humor, then more than likely we are going to get along.

 

My 'type' of girl I would seriously date would probably be one that is a bit preppy, athletic or at least works out since I find personal health crucial in life, dresses nicely, but we are talking casual here, there has to be some sort of commonality with personality. I've dated women with tattoos and different backgrounds but we had things to talk about.

 

I tend to go after women outside my race a lot, especially white, but I've dated black women too and dating intra/interracially doesn't necessarily imply compatibility.

 

I met a girl last week that was a biologist (not an OLD, a girl I met over the weekend). I thought she was interesting and we had good conversation. I don't know if she was closed off or something. She concluded that she didn't really feel the click to continue, and I agreed. I couldn't get enough physicality with her when I took her hiking on a trail. She wasn't really dressed to impressed. She said that I was over dressed.

 

I don't know if I'm being descriptive enough for you but those came to mind.

 

Ok, so it sounds like your requirements are: educated, preppy, good dresser, sophisticated, athletic/fit, preferably white, common personality traits.

 

Both women you mention you went on a date with an were not very attracted to them physically. Why do you think that is?

 

How would you have wanted her to dress for a hike? How did you dress?

[jba10582]

Texas might not be for you. You have to wear a cowboy hat and Thai might as well be some alien cuisine to them. Italian food is probably too ethnic for them.

 

 

haha, texas gets bad a rap. its not all about cowboy hats, especially depending on what part of texas you are in. i hope nothing but the best for you bud. things will fall right if you keep doing the things that work and try new things amd don't take things to seriously when they don't fall right.

[Jon Tenzo]

haha, texas gets bad a rap. its not all about cowboy hats, especially depending on what part of texas you are in.

 

If you are a local I am dying to know what parts are NOT about the cowboy hats!

 

I don't have a problem wearing one, it's just that I don't wear hats in general.

[Biscous]

Ok, so it sounds like your requirements are: educated, preppy, good dresser, sophisticated, athletic/fit, preferably white, common personality traits.

 

Both women you mention you went on a date with an were not very attracted to them physically. Why do you think that is?

 

How would you have wanted her to dress for a hike? How did you dress?

 

Eh it's no big deal now and I'm not trying to down the girl. We are just different and we didn't click. That's fine. But OK maybe a little 'girly'..we weren't going in the mountains. Maybe a bit more physical contact. I was initiating a lot of it.

 

I think it was personality and that's fine.

 

The girl I met online, well this has happened a few times, did not look like how their pictures looked like when I saw them. Even so, I'm not entirely stuck on looks. I've met women that I wasn't as physically attracted to but their personalities are great.

 

But I do have a flaw in the fact that I like what i like and if I have a choice I want that.

 

I think I did the dates because those women showed me a bit of attention and I am trying to get back into dating. Again, these women didn't do anything 'wrong' and we were giving each other the opportunity to know one another and we didn't match. That's fine.

 

Unfortunately the South is not a place for an intelligent successful and worldly man to reside period. There are a lot of dumb women up here in NYC too but here it's considered socially unacceptable to be outwardly and deliberately ignorant.

 

In Texas you get called a "smart aleck" by displaying too much knowledge of any subject in particular.

 

If you plan on spending some more time there due to work, I would highly advise dumbing down your speech, adapting to the local accent and keeping a low profile. Just not so much to the point of where it makes you sick, but enough to be able to co-exist with the local wildlife.

 

That being said not all Texans are dumb, the intelligent ones are just REALLY difficult to find.

 

Not all parts of Texas are like that, though I do encounter some people that haven't been more than 50 miles outside of where they live and have a limited world view, sure. I've lived in the Southeast and encountered this.

 

Texans love being from Texas too

 

I notice here that a lot of women are tatted up and like the bad boy tatted up guy look, which I'm not about that.

 

So yes even though you joke around about it haha moving has been on my mind.

 

haha, texas gets bad a rap. its not all about cowboy hats, especially depending on what part of texas you are in. i hope nothing but the best for you bud. things will fall right if you keep doing the things that work and try new things amd don't take things to seriously when they don't fall right.

 

 

Thanks a lot. I think I've been doing great in the other aspects of my life.

 

If you are a local I am dying to know what parts are NOT about the cowboy hats!

 

I don't have a problem wearing one, it's just that I don't wear hats in general.

 

I live in San Antonio but frequent Austin. Been to Dallas and Houston but haven't hung out there. I think the cowboy thing is more west Texas, but yes like I mentioned about the 'branding'. Seems a lot of women here are into the guy who hunts deers, wears cowboy boots and a bit of a roughneck.

 

I might be too metro for that even though I do like shooting guns every once in a while and love my MMA training, still that's not what's been getting women I want

 

Austin is a bit hippier though, different vibe.

Edited November 10, 2013 by Biscous

[FitChick]

In case anyone is curious, Biscous sent me his photos. Thanks! I don't really keep up with black celebs but to me you look like you could be Louis Gossett Jr.'s son except you wear glasses. Gossett won an Oscar for An Officer and a Gentleman and starred in the TV series The Powers of Matthew Star.

[Biscous]

In case anyone is curious, Biscous sent me his photos. Thanks! I don't really keep up with black celebs but to me you look like you could be Louis Gossett Jr.'s son except you wear glasses. Gossett won an Oscar for An Officer and a Gentleman and starred in the TV series The Powers of Matthew Star.

 

Not sure if they know who that is and not sure how to take that

[jba10582]

If you are a local I am dying to know what parts are NOT about the cowboy hats!

 

I don't have a problem wearing one, it's just that I don't wear hats in general.

 

I happen to live in small town now and have lived in Houston, San Antonio, College Station and spend considerable time in Dallas and Fort Worth. cowboy hats are around but largely a sterotype. Be who you are no matter who you are.

[NJtoDC]

Eh it's no big deal now and I'm not trying to down the girl. We are just different and we didn't click. That's fine. But OK maybe a little 'girly'..we weren't going in the mountains. Maybe a bit more physical contact. I was initiating a lot of it.I think it was personality and that's fine.

 

It's ok, I don't think it's not downing her. It's more of an assessment of what you like and don't like in the process of trying to find the right woman for you.

 

Ya, it could be personality differences. If this was your first date I wonder how she feels about physical contact the first date. I'm not sure what you were looking for that she didn't initiate.

 

Also, was this in a public place? Some women, if they don't know you already, may be a little uncomfortable alone in an isolated place with a guy they're just getting to know. Again, don't know if this was the case from what you have shared.

 

Was she wearing yoga pants, tee shirt, and sneakers? If so, and you wanted her more dressed up, that's your prerogative. It seems a bit much to me too. You dressed up, by her assessment. It seems picky to me to care how dressed up she was for a hike. Now if she wore sweats to a restaurant? I can see feeling some kind of way.

 

 

The girl I met online, well this has happened a few times, did not look like how their pictures looked like when I saw them. Even so, I'm not entirely stuck on looks. I've met women that I wasn't as physically attracted to but their personalities are great.

 

So do you think if you clicked personality wise you would not expect as much looks-wise?

 

But I do have a flaw in the fact that I like what i like and if I have a choice I want that.

 

I don't think that's a flaw necessarily. Either you get what you want on those terms, you don't get it by those terms, or you adapt. As long as you treat your woman right, however high you end up setting that bar, it's all good.

 

I think I did the dates because those women showed me a bit of attention and I am trying to get back into dating. Again, these women didn't do anything 'wrong' and we were giving each other the opportunity to know one another and we didn't match. That's fine.

 

I understand. As long as you are clear in your intention or go for women who express similar intent it's all good. When I was single I was looking for a serious relationship so I wouldn't have wanted a man to ask me out who knew it was just testing the waters for him- unless I understood that up front and was willing to just enjoy a day at the park or dinner.

[Biscous]

NJtoDC,

 

Well I met this girl last month when I was out with some friends. Dancing. I made eye contact and she found me later. She actually was pretty aggressive later. We started making out a lot.

 

I actually DON'T like making out with girls I meet initially because I feel as though they flake if I do this and come on strong.

 

Anyways she had a late meal with myself and my friend, gave me her # tells me "I'm not looking for a relationship, a lot of guys are clingy, etc etc". Just a back story for her.

 

 

SO, about the physical contact thing, we already broke that barrier. When she saw me the day I picked her up to go hiking she kissed me.

 

She was wearing a denim shirt and some cargo pants. Not flattering. It would have been nice if she wore something more flattering or something.

 

I was wearing jeans, a v neck, and some boots.

 

The hiking area was semi public, we actually kissed a few times and she was OK with it.

 

Regarding your second question, I think I NEED someone I have some attraction to though, so with those girls I met through OLD I couldn't continue.

 

I just want to date and see where it goes.

[NJtoDC]

Have you tried going places ladies who interest you might go? Take a salsa or other dance classes. See what groups are on meetup.com that might have women with similar interests. Join a hiking group. Whatever interests you have, find a social group to participate in.

 

I saw your pic. You are an attractive fella, that's a start. Personality is the other big piece, which I can't speak to. Now you need to find a woman who checks off your boxes. It seems to me that you probably have high standards. You care about the details. That will limit your options in any city, particularly one with less college educated, professional women, who are into fitness. I have no idea if that describes your town.

 

Go for what you want.

 

Btw, how did the conversation come up about her saying you were over dressed? Did you comment on her attire first?

[NJtoDC]

NJtoDC,

 

Well I met this girl last month when I was out with some friends. Dancing. I made eye contact and she found me later. She actually was pretty aggressive later. We started making out a lot.

 

I actually DON'T like making out with girls I meet initially because I feel as though they flake if I do this and come on strong.

 

Anyways she had a late meal with myself and my friend, gave me her # tells me "I'm not looking for a relationship, a lot of guys are clingy, etc etc". Just a back story for her.

 

 

SO, about the physical contact thing, we already broke that barrier. When she saw me the day I picked her up to go hiking she kissed me.

 

She was wearing a denim shirt and some cargo pants. Not flattering. It would have been nice if she wore something more flattering or something.

 

I was wearing jeans, a v neck, and some boots.

 

The hiking area was semi public, we actually kissed a few times and she was OK with it.

 

Regarding your second question, I think I NEED someone I have some attraction to though, so with those girls I met through OLD I couldn't continue.

 

I just want to date and see where it goes.

 

I see. I was picturing you in a button down collared shirt and khakis, and her in sweats.

 

Certainly you need SOME attraction. How easily we find that attraction in another is an individual thing.

 

So she kissed you when you picked her up, you initiated kissing on the trail. Why were you disappointed she didn't initiate more, especially on a first date?

 

Good luck on your search.

[Biscous]

Have you tried going places ladies who interest you might go? Take a salsa or other dance classes. See what groups are on meetup.com that might have women with similar interests. Join a hiking group. Whatever interests you have, find a social group to participate in.

 

I saw your pic. You are an attractive fella, that's a start. Personality is the other big piece, which I can't speak to. Now you need to find a woman who checks off your boxes. It seems to me that you probably have high standards. You care about the details. That will limit your options in any city, particularly one with less college educated, professional women, who are into fitness. I have no idea if that describes your town.

 

Go for what you want.

 

Btw, how did the conversation come up about her saying you were over dressed? Did you comment on her attire first?

 

Uh oh which pics did you see?

 

I actually have two very attractive married friends that love to go salsa. One of my female friends of the two, she's eastern european. In terms of personality and qualities I admire her a lot. We've talked about a lot of subjects and it's very refreshing. I respect her marriage and we are great friends but I wish I found more women like her around.

 

I've been to salsa with them a few times because both of them enjoy it. I can do it from time to time sure.

 

I think sometimes I don't put myself out there and that is my fault a bit. I moved to a place where I don't know anyone and I don't have much of a social circle outside of work, my friends are in other states, and I'm here. I fall in my routine of work, training, etc and that can stifle my social life. I'm starting to get out there more though.

 

Yes I care about details. I may be picky but I think I do things in my personal life to attract someone similar. I could be wrong or I could be full of it though.

 

As far as the conversation about being over dressed she actually mentioned it first and I laughed about it saying I probably am (seriously I wore my $300 boots to hike?! I just got off of work) , but I didn't comment on her attire.

 

I see. I was picturing you in a button down collared shirt and khakis, and her in sweats.

 

Certainly you need SOME attraction. How easily we find that attraction in another is an individual thing.

 

So she kissed you when you picked her up, you initiated kissing on the trail. Why were you disappointed she didn't initiate more, especially on a first date?

 

Good luck on your search.

 

Again, the expensive boots didn't help my case!

 

You're right. I just thought that she would deliver more conversation and be more receptive. That's all.