I've been with my gf for 4 years and she tells me she doesn't think im the one

[greenfairie]

Hi guys, first post here!

 

I've been with my gf for 4 years and I'm currently 21 and she's 19. I always thought things were going pretty well but she suddenly told me she wanted more space in the relationship. She also told me not to be too serious about the relationship and should take things as they come cause I do too much for the relationship. She says i "might be the one" and "might not be the one" as she never knows what will happen in the future.

 

Is she preparing to break up with me whatnot?

 

She told me she loves me but is not sure if she loves me ALOT so I'm not sure what she really means. This is our first serious relationship (shes dated a few guys for short term before) and I was wondering if shes saying this just cause she has nothing to compare this with?

 

Personally I feel like shes the one because our relationship has been so vibrant..part of me wants to talk the logic back in to her to save this but I have no idea what I should do

 

 

 

Wow. Your relationship was just like mine. Four years together, my ex was 22 and I was 20 when we ended the relationship. I was the one who ended it… I'm really sorry about what you're going through. It's a real pain, and NOT a waste. She made you who you are and you helped her come to be the person she is through experiencing life together during those four years. Honestly, if someone asked me what was the hardest thing for me to do in life would be breaking up with my ex. That was so hard. We were just so tight, spending all this time together that one day I realized I lost myself and my mojo. I had to get my mojo back so I decided to end the relationship. And no, I didn't want to date any one else. I didn't go out on a date for even maybe 2-3 months and I only went out on a couple of dates. I couldn't even bear the thought of dating anyone else for SO long, the thought of my ex still came through my mind every single day. I really missed him at times, really badly. It's been over a year and I still do get really sad moments because he was my soulmate. I'm sure you guys feel the same too, I may be wrong though. I think your ex's just super confused right now and she is probably having mixed thoughts of breaking up with you. The thought of breaking up with my ex started months before I finally got the balls to break up. I believe she truly loves you. She's really young too, so I think she really does need space to grow and appreciate you a bit more. I think it's human nature. She just feels like she's missing something right now or lacking in something right now. When I decided to end the relationship, I was really anxious about missing out on life if I stayed with the one person together forever too. I kept having thoughts of everything I did or everywhere I went, asking myself, Oh what would Paul think? I would be by his side 24/7 like I was his trophy wife almost and I wouldn't go up to anyone else without him coming along. I felt SO dependent on him, it's sad looking back but I was so much younger.

[windybunny]

Wow. Your relationship was just like mine. Four years together, my ex was 22 and I was 20 when we ended the relationship. I was the one who ended it… I'm really sorry about what you're going through. It's a real pain, and NOT a waste. She made you who you are and you helped her come to be the person she is through experiencing life together during those four years. Honestly, if someone asked me what was the hardest thing for me to do in life would be breaking up with my ex. That was so hard. We were just so tight, spending all this time together that one day I realized I lost myself and my mojo. I had to get my mojo back so I decided to end the relationship. And no, I didn't want to date any one else. I didn't go out on a date for even maybe 2-3 months and I only went out on a couple of dates. I couldn't even bear the thought of dating anyone else for SO long, the thought of my ex still came through my mind every single day. I really missed him at times, really badly. It's been over a year and I still do get really sad moments because he was my soulmate. I'm sure you guys feel the same too, I may be wrong though. I think your ex's just super confused right now and she is probably having mixed thoughts of breaking up with you. The thought of breaking up with my ex started months before I finally got the balls to break up. I believe she truly loves you. She's really young too, so I think she really does need space to grow and appreciate you a bit more. I think it's human nature. She just feels like she's missing something right now or lacking in something right now. When I decided to end the relationship, I was really anxious about missing out on life if I stayed with the one person together forever too. I kept having thoughts of everything I did or everywhere I went, asking myself, Oh what would Paul think? I would be by his side 24/7 like I was his trophy wife almost and I wouldn't go up to anyone else without him coming along. I felt SO dependent on him, it's sad looking back but I was so much younger.

 

Wow that sounds really difficult..how are you carrying along now? Thanks for this response, it makes it easier for me to get through this,reminding me that life goes on no matter what

[Guitarisgood]

Mate, you're a man. GROW a spine. You're undesirable? Then make yourself desirable - take up the guitar, dress nice, get fit, learn to flirt and hold a conversation. What I hate about doom and gloom people in this modern world is they're willing to wallow in their own self pity but not willing to do something about it.

 

Hate to say it again mate, but the world will pass you by and before you know it you WILL be 40 and single. You're in your early 20s right now. Make a name for yourself so that when you look back on your death bed you can tell yourself you lived life to the fullest!

[windybunny]

Mate, you're a man. GROW a spine. You're undesirable? Then make yourself desirable - take up the guitar, dress nice, get fit, learn to flirt and hold a conversation. What I hate about doom and gloom people in this modern world is they're willing to wallow in their own self pity but not willing to do something about it.

 

Hate to say it again mate, but the world will pass you by and before you know it you WILL be 40 and single. You're in your early 20s right now. Make a name for yourself so that when you look back on your death bed you can tell yourself you lived life to the fullest!

 

Well people not being able to stay together for a long time explains why some people don't even bother getting married now.

 

Man, guitarisgood you NEVER fail to pick me back up! And yea, life will pass if I keep on moping around here being "undesirable" and because of what you said, I now have motivation. Something I guess I didn't have for a long time.

 

And thanks for those who have posted here twice to come back and check on this thread. You know what, having the LoveShack community around me supporting me makes this whole situation 100x times easier to pull through.

[greenfairie]

Then why do people get married and stay with each other until they die...?

 

 

 

I don't know what world you've been living in but I have to disagree, my grandparents are an example of getting married and staying with each other… They met in their early twenties and they've been together for about 70 years now.

[greenfairie]

Wow that sounds really difficult..how are you carrying along now? Thanks for this response, it makes it easier for me to get through this,reminding me that life goes on no matter what

 

6 months NC with him. Got a text from him on my birthday first thing in the morning. Set me back in my healing process because I knew I still loved him but couldn't be with him. I'm a lot more healed now thanks to NC keeping busy friends and family. I don't think I'll ever get over 100 percent what happened because there was a double betrayal involved…. but I know I will be healed 100 percent.

I still do miss him and wish we'd have a friendship, but I know it's not possible for us to just be friends. We have A LOT of mutual friends, and I STILL have people giving me updates even if I tell them not to tell me anything about my ex. I just take my distance then if they don't respect that.

Hopefully you're doing okay too. Yeah, the forum really helps me thru these trying times

[Guitarisgood]

Well people not being able to stay together for a long time explains why some people don't even bother getting married now.

 

Man, guitarisgood you NEVER fail to pick me back up! And yea, life will pass if I keep on moping around here being "undesirable" and because of what you said, I now have motivation. Something I guess I didn't have for a long time.

 

And thanks for those who have posted here twice to come back and check on this thread. You know what, having the LoveShack community around me supporting me makes this whole situation 100x times easier to pull through.

 

Mate, I honestly don't check through here much, but if you ever need help with anything let me know. I use to be much like you and I guess thats why I'm back here to help others.