HHB Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Yesterday I met this guy I knew in high school. We never use to really talk and we hung out in different circle of friends. I was doing a promotional university event on campus and saw him walking through the hallway and greeted him.He made his way over to my table, we made small talk and and I told him about the student club and program I was promoting. He acted interested and he signed up for the newsletter with his phone number. I didn't have my phone on me and didn't want to give him my number directly because certain people around.Otherwise we would have gotten each other's number I'm sure because we were certainly flirting with each other:eye contact, tension, excuses to talk about things,and a lot of unspoken vibes. Based on how I got his number through a sign-up sheet, I don't want seem creepy or like I usually pick up guys from our list serve.How do I text/contact him with seeming awkward? Should I talk about business, or ask him to hang out directly?How do I about that smoothly?
LovelyLamb Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 I think that there's little you could do to lessen the level of awkwardness that is pretty much guaranteed to be there, so accept that and go on with calling him. Just tell him the truth, that you were going to ask for his number or give him yours, but since the opportunity didn't present itself, you retrieved it from the signup sheet. Tell him that you'd like to grab coffee sometime or something along those lines and go from there. OR If you had the same group of friends, Facebook one of them and ask if they have his number or any other way to get in touch with him since you saw him and want to get together with him. This way, you're going through someone else rather than a signup sheet. But it will be awkward regardless. Just decide if it's worth it for a few minutes of uneasiness.
NJtoDC Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Have you tried looking him up on facebook? That would solve the dilemma if you messaged him there. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 I like the FB approach . . . it's a bit less direct & therefore less off putting. Although what I'm about to say is sexist, I still think it's valid. Just call him. A man won't think as hard about the stalker / creep factor of you noting his phone # off a list. Also because you knew him in high school it's a lot less weird.
d0nnivain Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 skid mark For people who came of age before social media, a phone call backed up by the effort to find a number would be complimentary. Sometimes it was as simple as looking in the phone book. lol In this age, what you put out through social media -- your FB profile for example -- is for the whole world. It's an invitation of sorts. Your phone # on the other hand is sacred & private because -- gasp! -- it could lead to interpersonal interactions & we can't have that without the protective filter of the internet between up & another actual live person.
beyond Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Couple of examples where what you described happened to me (a guy): 1. Years ago my leasing agent at my apartment got my number from my application and called me up. 2. I applied / interviewed for a job and one of the people I meet / interviewed with contacted me using my phone number from my resume. This has happened twice actually. 3. Back in the day (before the internet), I had met women who later tracked my phone number down through my parents, friends, phone book, etc. and contacted me. This happened dozen of times. In all of these examples, I was flattered in every case, went on dates with most of them (a few I wasn't single at the time) and had several LTRs with a few. I say go for it! Don't let the cowardly Facebook / Texting Crowd convince you otherwise. Be old school (and sadly original these days) and call him on the phone and even tell him how you got his number. That is what the women always did with me. My friends and I who had this happen... NEVER CARED! Ah,now this is one of those things where I can completely see, logically, why it's a great idea BUT I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It would be so great to just ring a guy up and ask him out, but there is something in me that would want the guy to make the first approach - I wish I didn't feel like that, but I do. Op, if you feel you can do this, then great - take comfort in the knowledge that most men, I'm sure would be extremely flattered (and if they weren't, then would you want to go out with them anyway!?) If you can't, then Im a great believer that if a man wants to ask you out, he will find a way. For a start he knows your name and where you work/ your uni, so i'm sure it wouldn't be hard for him to track you down.
beyond Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 You do read these forums don't you?!?!?! A majority of the guys on here are TERRIFIED to ask a woman out in real life or via O.L.D. They pick the lessor of two evils and resort to O.L.D. and even when they are on DATING WEBSITE (whose sole purpose and why girls are on there is to be asked out on a date). These idiots will talk to a girl or even get a message from one and think they are "Pen Pals" and will write them for months trying to convince the girl (who wants to be asked out on a date) why they should go on a date them. Even worse, many of these guys convince themselves their "pen pal" is just writing for the fun of it and NEVER ask her out. I have no experience of O.L.D so can't comment but I have hope that there are enough men around with the bottle to actually ask a women out in real life. It's been my experience that if a man is really interested he will find a way. I once had flowers sent to my place of work with the card saying " to the girl with big brown eyes and beautiful smile who mentioned she worked here while we both waited by for a taxi last wednesday at such and such road - you ran off before I got your number- here's mine..." Then he came in later that day:) Maybe I sound a hypocrite or cowardly because I want a man to do this when I wouldn't, but it just seems right.
NJtoDC Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 I have no experience of O.L.D so can't comment but I have hope that there are enough men around with the bottle to actually ask a women out in real life. It's been my experience that if a man is really interested he will find a way. I once had flowers sent to my place of work with the card saying " to the girl with big brown eyes and beautiful smile who mentioned she worked here while we both waited by for a taxi last wednesday at such and such road - you ran off before I got your number- here's mine..." Then he came in later that day:) Maybe I sound a hypocrite or cowardly because I want a man to do this when I wouldn't, but it just seems right. Wow, super romantic. What happened with that fella?
beyond Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Wow, super romantic. What happened with that fella? It was! We were together for nearly 2 years. So men, don't be terrified of us. We love being asked out, its very flattering! I think most women would respond positively. Even if we can't/ don't want to go out, we will still think a lot of you for having the strength to ask us. And If a women hasn't got the grace and class to turn you down nicely, then why would you want to be with a women like that anyway. Op - what have you decided to do?
Lansing Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Wait, he signed the list because he wanted more info about the group/club/etc so why not call him and tell him about your next meeting/event/etc and then that gives him the opportunity to ask you out or come out the the next thing and then he can make his move if you don't want to chase him?? I just gave my e-mail to a girl on Monday at an event I was at because I didn't have a chance to get her number one on one. Normally I would directly ask for a phone number but figured giving her my email was better than nothing. She e-mailed me a few days later. Not sure if it will go anywhere but at least no regrets!
beyond Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 (edited) I think the whole pussification of men thing that has been going on the last 10 years or so, social media and O.L.D. has pretty much made stories like what happened to you very, very rare. I am willing to bet (I know actually ) that you are not a spring chicken and neither was the gentlemen who did all that. Those types of romantic gestures and how men thoughtfully and romantically pursued women was very common with my friends and I when we were in our teens / 20s back in the 80s / 90s. We still do today and when we date younger women... they are FLOORED / SHOCKED which is sad and tells you how much men / dating sucks for women. Listen to many of the stories of how your parents / grandparents met and the story behind it and all the work / creativity / romance / etc. that was behind it. Today, it's like herding cattle, taking a number, throwing crap against the wall and see what sticks, etc. (a.k.a. All the idiots who Online Date). Which is more romantic? Your story above. Or... Getting a mass message that you and 100 other women got while he was taking a crap on the toilet. Lol, no, not a spring chicken:p nor a super model! But quite a few lovely things like that have happened to me from just chance encounters, which is why I won't write off the male race just yet! There is a some truth in what you say though (the more I read the dating forums, the more it backs up your arguement about men not knowing how to be men anymore - lack of male role models in young boys lifes now has a lot to do with that too) I do think some women are quite aggressive and want to try and be like men in certain aspects, instead of appreciating the differences and the different strengths we have. I do think men appreciate femininity and like to 'take charge' on occasions. Major threadjack! Sorry HHB, come back and update us. Edited November 10, 2013 by beyond
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