NJtoDC Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 I was looking around to see if there are some good books you might helpful, if you are into reading. I found this book on Amazon that is free on kindle (I think you can read kindle books on your computer) for 2.99 or free with an amazon prime trial membership. Amazon.com: Maybe He's Just an a**h***: Sharpen Your Bulls*** Detector, Rock Your Expectations, and Become Your Strongest Self! eBook: Halle Kaye, Stacy Baker: Books It's supposed to be a short, funny, helpful read. I've not read it myself. Good luck! If you want a successful, healthy, happy relationship in the future there are some things you could benefit from learning about, both in yourself, men, and relationships.
Woggle Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 This guy is outright telling you he doesn't want commitment so believe him. 1
Mascara Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 I can't exactly message him and take my word back... WHY?? OP please understand that I'm saying this with the intention of tough love, NOT meanness - get some self respect. You deserve a man who is crazy about you, who doesn't even want to look at another woman. Not one who reluctantly tells you what you're pushing him to say, half-heartedly commits because you gave him an ultimatum. If a guy is nuts about a girl, does he risk losing her for 2 weeks?? YOU have choices in this. YOU can take back the control and make the decision for him. You don't get someone to do what you want by telling them what they have to do. You tell them what YOU are looking for, and then let them show you they have it. 2
NJtoDC Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 What should I do then? i already told him I will wait 2 weeks... I can't exactly message him and take my word back...? Or should I wait until he asks to see me again, and then I tell him that I won't see him until he makes a decision....? I won't be doing anything in the meantime, i'll just live life and see what happens... see his actions... If you have had a change of heart (and we ALL hope you did!) you tell him you changed your mind. Why would you owe him two weeks if he doesn't owe you exclusivity? You are free to change your mind. Come on, this is nuts! You don't 'fix' non-relationships, that are a week old, with someone who wants different things than you. He don't wait to see new, more promising actions. We are on our best behavior in the beginning of dating. This is him at his best. Find someone who is on the same page.
NJtoDC Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 You deserve a man who is crazy about you, who doesn't even want to look at another woman. Not one who reluctantly tells you what you're pushing him to say, half-heartedly commits because you gave him an ultimatum. If a guy is nuts about a girl, does he risk losing her for 2 weeks?? Exactly. Sadly, I don't think OP has experienced this yet. OP- My BF and I started talking on a Tuesday or Wednesday. Had our first date that Saturday. He was smitten. He gave me a kiss. I liked it. He was so nervous but glad I seemed to like him too. He asked me to be his girlfriend, meaning we would just date each other. I agreed. He was a happy camper! He knew what he wanted and didn't want to share. And why wouldn't he? He had the exclusive attention of a good woman who was serious about finding a good man to settle down with. He wanted to same. So as long as we were getting to know each other, we weren't entertaining others. He hates the phone, isn't a talker (I am!) but he texts me every day, calls me most every day- he knows it matters to me. He comes to see me whenever he can. He takes me seriously, and knows my limits. He knows if he crosses certain lines I am gone. I know the same goes for me:p I tell you this because I want you to have an idea of how a guy who takes you seriously will behave. You won't have to beg him for his exclusivity, he will want to come get it from you. He won't want to share you or lose you. He won't tell you about how he is bedding other women after he sleeps with you. He will respect you when you demand basic respect from himself, or good riddens to him! You set your value. 2
Author missmiss123 Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Exactly. Sadly, I don't think OP has experienced this yet. OP- My BF and I started talking on a Tuesday or Wednesday. Had our first date that Saturday. He was smitten. He gave me a kiss. I liked it. He was so nervous but glad I seemed to like him too. He asked me to be his girlfriend, meaning we would just date each other. I agreed. He was a happy camper! He knew what he wanted and didn't want to share. And why wouldn't he? He had the exclusive attention of a good woman who was serious about finding a good man to settle down with. He wanted to same. So as long as we were getting to know each other, we weren't entertaining others. He hates the phone, isn't a talker (I am!) but he texts me every day, calls me most every day- he knows it matters to me. He comes to see me whenever he can. He takes me seriously, and knows my limits. He knows if he crosses certain lines I am gone. I know the same goes for me:p I tell you this because I want you to have an idea of how a guy who takes you seriously will behave. You won't have to beg him for his exclusivity, he will want to come get it from you. He won't want to share you or lose you. He won't tell you about how he is bedding other women after he sleeps with you. He will respect you when you demand basic respect from himself, or good riddens to him! You set your value. I sent him this: I changed my mind, at most, I can give you till tonight to think about it but I know what i'm looking for and need to maintain my standards. I need to be with someone who is serious, crazy about me, and not think about me as just an option. I appreciate your honesty... if I don't hear from you i wish you the best and hope you find what your looking for. If he is crazy about me, he wouldn't want to lose me. If he isn't, he will continue exploring his options. You guys are right, 2 weeks might have made a difference, but that truly is lowering my standards and value. If a guy wants to be with me, they have a choice, but it needs to be according to my conditions. I'll let you all know how he replies!!! Thanks, truly appreciate hearing all this, even if it's not what I wanted to hear 7
NJtoDC Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I sent him this: I changed my mind, at most, I can give you till tonight to think about it but I know what i'm looking for and need to maintain my standards. I need to be with someone who is serious, crazy about me, and not think about me as just an option. I appreciate your honesty... if I don't hear from you i wish you the best and hope you find what your looking for. If he is crazy about me, he wouldn't want to lose me. If he isn't, he will continue exploring his options. You guys are right, 2 weeks might have made a difference, but that truly is lowering my standards and value. If a guy wants to be with me, they have a choice, but it needs to be according to my conditions. I'll let you all know how he replies!!! Thanks, truly appreciate hearing all this, even if it's not what I wanted to hear You had four dates with an *********. You have lost nothing. If he does get back to you and says what you want to hear please know, it may very well be just what you want to hear. This is a whole *****load of drama for a one week non-relationship. I'm glad you moved up your line but I hope you get the guts to shut it down entirely. None of us think two weeks would have 'made a difference'. That was your idea, and it made no sense. He can say the right things today or two weeks from now. He's already shown you his colors and no one but you (for some reason) is impressed in the least. What a douche! Before you get into something again please seek counseling. You're thinking, emotions, and actions are just not healthy. You need to make a change or you will continue to be used, mistreated, and not achieve what you are looking for- a happy, healthy relationship. You need some tools and insight. We teach people how to treat us. Until we know our value and what is healthy and acceptable behavior and boundaries, how can we tell others how to treat us? Best of luck. Let us know how it goes! 1
Leigh 87 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 The last guys who was into me told me that he deleted his dating profile the day we met. He said matter of factly: he is not comfortable seeing me if I do not feel the same way about him and will happily wish me well if I was not on the same page as him, and he said he could see things going somewhere. He said : he cannot focus on other girls once he is really into someone. What he said is true of nearly ALL men, unless they are into open relationships. We didn't work out lol, as I have personal issues that drive guys way even if they start off really into me. My story holds true for ALL men pretty much... Once a guy finds a girl he is truly into, he will automatically NOT be abe to focus on more than one girl. 3
Kate9292 Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I sent him this: I changed my mind, at most, I can give you till tonight to think about it but I know what i'm looking for and need to maintain my standards. I need to be with someone who is serious, crazy about me, and not think about me as just an option. I appreciate your honesty... if I don't hear from you i wish you the best and hope you find what your looking for. If he is crazy about me, he wouldn't want to lose me. If he isn't, he will continue exploring his options. You guys are right, 2 weeks might have made a difference, but that truly is lowering my standards and value. If a guy wants to be with me, they have a choice, but it needs to be according to my conditions. I'll let you all know how he replies!!! Thanks, truly appreciate hearing all this, even if it's not what I wanted to hear You go girl! Stay strong and never cave to guys that don't treat you like you are a priority for them.
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