Confusedguy81 Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 So...I work with nothing but women. When I converse with them, I can make them laugh and have a smooth conversation with them because I don't plan on dating them or anything. I'm also good at not taking their crap and can verbally spar with the best of them. I was also a public speaker before this job to help conquer my social anxiety and try to improve myself. I discovered that I could affect people in a fairly positive way (atleast, I was told this). This is where the pat on my own back ends.... I am so bad at picking up women, it is not even funny. I've had some relationships and it is usually with the wrong kind of woman. When I try to actually talk to a woman I would like to go out with, I sound like a retarded version of Dr. Seuss-nothing flows or comes out smoothly. So I guess I'm asking for advice or some techniques. Thanks for reading this post.
Dark_history Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 dont pick up woman, become their friends and then from your girl friends find someone to date. find the girl u can communicate with the best and who understands you and you understand her. I have to disagree with this, if you become friends, you are very likely to get "friend zoned", meaning they will only see you as a friend and never as a possible romantic partner. What might help is trying to ask out women that don't make you very nervous (aka that you like a lot), make it fun. It doesn't have be a goal of long term commitment, but it will give you practice in the area and you can slowly build yourself up.
nescafe1982 Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 I have to disagree with this, if you become friends, you are very likely to get "friend zoned", meaning they will only see you as a friend and never as a possible romantic partner. I disagree with this. No woman "friendzones" a man she had any speck of romantic interest in just because he's become a friend. That only happens if she had no interest in him to begin with. OP, you sound like you're at your smoothest when you're not putting pressure on yourself to "pick up" a gal. Maybe approaching women from the standpoint of getting to know them (instead of trying to pick them up or date them right away) might be a way in for you. Really, most of my past relationships started at friendships, not cold-call pickups. Don't have more specific tips than that. But reducing the expectations you place on yourself from each encounter with an attractive lady might help you keep your nerves calm. 2
Kate9292 Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Also becoming friends with a woman is good because she has friends too you know And it's good to see that guy can actually be friends with women without needing to get in their pants. As in he actually treats women like people and not sex objects for his own pleasure. Do I need to say it's a good thing? 1
Author Confusedguy81 Posted November 10, 2013 Author Posted November 10, 2013 (edited) Ummm.. my looks are ok I guess. I don't know. I don't date alot and used to be so introverted I couldn't really talk to anyone, especially after my wife died 9 years ago. I've gotten better at that but pursuing the dating stuff is difficult for me. Younger women would usually hit on me (im 32) but women my age (or older which I prefer) do not. Oh, I'm also an ex fatty so I lost a bunch of weight (about 130 pounds). I do have some body dysmorphia issues. Are you wanting me to rate my own looks? lol. It would most likely be biased. I'm about 6 feet and 210 pounds with a relatively solid build. In other words, Im a decent size guy I guess. Edited November 10, 2013 by Confusedguy81
USMCHokie Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Ummm.. my looks are ok I guess. I don't know. I don't date alot and used to be so introverted I couldn't really talk to anyone, especially after my wife died 9 years ago. I've gotten better at that but pursuing the dating stuff is difficult for me. Younger women would usually hit on me (im 32) but women my age (or older which I prefer) do not. Oh, I'm also an ex fatty so I lost a bunch of weight (about 130 pounds). I do have some body dysmorphia issues. Are you wanting me to rate my own looks? lol. It would most likely be biased. I'm about 6 feet and 210 pounds with a relatively solid build. In other words, Im a decent size guy I guess. The only reason I ask is that if you are indeed a good conversationalist and are charismatic around the women who you aren't trying to date, then you will get signs of interest from them. If you are not, then I'd look to your physical appearance first to identify the issue. And why aren't you responding to interest from the younger women...?
Author Confusedguy81 Posted November 10, 2013 Author Posted November 10, 2013 The only reason I ask is that if you are indeed a good conversationalist and are charismatic around the women who you aren't trying to date, then you will get signs of interest from them. If you are not, then I'd look to your physical appearance first to identify the issue. And why aren't you responding to interest from the younger women...? Sorry if I sounded like a dick about the looks thing. I see your point now. I don't respond to interest from younger women because they are like 22-25 which feels too young. I'm also a teacher in a small town and worry a little bit about perception.
OpheliaSong Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 When I find myself having problems doing something easily, I just ask myself, What is the worst thing that could happen if I screw up? That usually puts it into perspective for me and I don't feel so pressured to be perfect. 1
Niezz Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 So...I work with nothing but women. When I converse with them, I can make them laugh and have a smooth conversation with them because I don't plan on dating them or anything. I'm also good at not taking their crap and can verbally spar with the best of them. I was also a public speaker before this job to help conquer my social anxiety and try to improve myself. I discovered that I could affect people in a fairly positive way (atleast, I was told this). This is where the pat on my own back ends.... I am so bad at picking up women, it is not even funny. I've had some relationships and it is usually with the wrong kind of woman. When I try to actually talk to a woman I would like to go out with, I sound like a retarded version of Dr. Seuss-nothing flows or comes out smoothly. So I guess I'm asking for advice or some techniques. Thanks for reading this post. it's look like you have "the fear of rejection" according to your story,you become nervous when you're going to ask for a date and you cant talk smoothly this is because the fear of rejection was holding you back from doing the right thing,you need to overcome this fear There's nothing to fear but fear itself.Ever heard the term 'self-fulfilling prophecy'? A self-fulfilling prophecy is a false idea about a situation that makes the person with the belief act in such a way that the false idea comes true. You wrongly believe your partner is rejecting you; you become defensive, anxious, perhaps angry. Eventually, these behaviours may bring about the feared rejection which wasn't there to begin with.
Guitarisgood Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Everything just takes practice mate. Keep talking to woman, but start to flirt and tease them more. This is particularly important to those you think are 'hotter'. Don't discount the lesser attractive nor chubbier ones - they always have such great personalities. Soon you will realise that all woman are the same beauty or not. Once you get comfortable, start practicing how you'd attain certain things. I.e. when I want to get a girls number, I practice casually grabbing my phone to check something before 'slotting' it into her hand no words. She usually gets the gist and puts her number in etc etc. When I first did this you should of seen me, my hand was shaking, heart was going 100 miles an hour, everything. Nowadays I feel nothing and it is almost second nature that every girl I talk to I do this. As with dating, it is just a numbers game. Practice makes perfect!
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