Do you ever get nervous at the thought of talking to your ex again?

[purplesoccer34]

My ex and I went out for about 10 months, and I broke up with him 3 months ago cause we were constantly fighting about stupid things. It became too much for me to handle after a certain point. At the time, I thought he was getting mad at me for no reason at all, but now I realize that we both had issues to sort out. I think if we communicated just a little better, things would have worked out.

 

I ran into him at a grocery store last month and almost had a panic attack. I grabbed what I needed as quickly as possible, and ran out of the store as fast as I could. My heart continued to race even as I drove home, and I couldn't focus on anything else. Now, I miss him greatly and want to talk to him---possibly about getting back together, but the thought of messaging him again is filling me with fear and dread.

 

I have no reason to have so much fear cause he was such a nice guy and really did the sweetest things for me. It was me who messed up--more than he did.

 

Do you ever panic at the thought of talking to your ex again? How do you get over this?

[Ordinaryday]

Yes, I dread the thought of getting breadcrumbs from my ex. even though I hope I would be strong enough to ignore them, simply getting a breadcrumb from a dumper would bring back a whole wave of painful emotions that I thought I was over - I speak from past experience.

 

there are some exes I truly hope to NEVER communicate again with, ever! I don't want to be "friends down the line" or "say a friendly hi a few years later" like a lot of people here talk about, I want NOTHING to do with them ever!

 

I then remember that I DON'T HAVE TO communicate with them ever again if I dont want to. even if they send breadcrumbs I DONT HAVE TO RESPOND.

 

A few years ago an ex did something horrible to me and dumped me and I told her flatly "we are through, don't ever contact me again for anything" and she said she wouldn't but I knew she would - once the initial dumping was past I KNEW she would reach out with a breadcrumb to try and ease her guilt - and she does, about once a year. I have ignored every single one of them. I have no desire to respond to her (or ease her conscience).

[xUnknown]

Yes, I dread the thought of getting breadcrumbs from my ex. even though I hope I would be strong enough to ignore them, simply getting a breadcrumb from a dumper would bring back a whole wave of painful emotions that I thought I was over - I speak from past experience.

 

yep...Heard Dat

[Mz_sassy_77]

I am a total pussy when it comes to this. I avoid any place I think I might run into him. I never go anywhere we used to go together. Basically go out of my to avoid him. I am hoping I will never see him again or hear from him again. How pathetic is that...

[Ordinaryday]

I am a total pussy when it comes to this. I avoid any place I think I might run into him. I never go anywhere we used to go together. Basically go out of my to avoid him. I am hoping I will never see him again or hear from him again. How pathetic is that...

 

it's not 'pathetic' at all, you have to do what is best for you. I never bought into the whole 'let's stay friends' thing after a break-up, I think if the break-up was painful and hurtful, staying friends or in any kind of contact whatsoever will just prolong that hurt.

 

I have not heard a WORD from my ex in over a year and since we hung in different circles and had no mutual friends, she could literally be DEAD for all I know, if she died I would never have found out since we have no mutual friends to inform me.

 

I prefer it this way.

[Sugarkane]

it's not 'pathetic' at all, you have to do what is best for you. I never bought into the whole 'let's stay friends' thing after a break-up, I think if the break-up was painful and hurtful, staying friends or in any kind of contact whatsoever will just prolong that hurt.

 

I have not heard a WORD from my ex in over a year and since we hung in different circles and had no mutual friends, she could literally be DEAD for all I know, if she died I would never have found out since we have no mutual friends to inform me.

 

I prefer it this way.

I also don't think its pathetic. My ex left me completely out of the blue and did so cruelly. Never been contacted to this day.

[HorseLuck]

Like you I'm in a similar situation. Also the dumper, also communication issues, and miss him.

 

I haven't gotten over the fear, but it helps to have a code red plan that you rehearse every so often. I thought I ran into a family member today of that person and got very anxious... I couldn't just dart out of the scene either.

 

Don't feel very prepared myself, but it is a situation I think about a lot. I try to remind myself that I can remain cool and collected under pressure if necessary. Keep words to a minimal, keep a neutral mysteriousness when chit chatting..no revealing emotions except for a sense of toned down cheerfulness. In my case he is a very sweet person as well, and it didn't end in a terrible disaster so I wouldn't be cold and probably have nothing to fear. It's the worry that he might say something mean or make me look bad in front of his friends. Or his friends might try to pick on me, in which case I'd have to defend myself- verbally that is. This is a worse case scenario very unlikely to happen. It's the fear of the unknown.

 

Don't just leave the situation..stick around for a bit.

 

 

Then. RUN AS FAST AS THE GINGERBREAD MAN. Evacuate, evacuate!

 

^ That's my plan anyway. I tend to have bad luck and it's a small world so I'm bound for an encounter one day. If the time comes, it may play out better than expected with little to no awkwardness between us.

Edited November 10, 2013 by HorseLuck

[ponchsox]

No, because I'm not talking to her again. She made that choice when she dumped me.

[j.gman]

I don't think running away is a good solution. You should confront the fear and talk to your ex. How long have you been NCing.