Update on the Lying liar and the skank he cheated on me with

[Raena]

So here I sit, days away from my ex moving out. He is still here... lying straight to my face about what is happening with the skank he cheated on me with.

 

She is continuing to post everything about what is going on with the two of them on twitter. I feel like its the only place where I see the truth about what is happening.

 

He sits here screaming at me that he isn't talking to her and that he doesn't care what she is posting, that he isn't doing anything with her and that I just don't get it... she's a psycho and she will continue to post crazy stuff until she gets bored with it.

 

I went to my parents for dinner tonight. Just as I arrived home... she posted on twitter "(his name) baby you better fn call me back right now. Why did you hang up on me". and then posted a picture of him that he had obviously just taken and sent to her this evening as he is wearing the same clothes. I asked him about it and he denied it, said she is a nutcase and that no he hasn't been talking to her, that he isn't doing anything with her, that the picture is from a long time ago not today and then left the house to go get ice cream. 2 minutes after he walked back in the door... she posts "mmm that was a good phone call" So I ask him about it again and he starts screaming at me that he's done with this conversation... that he did nothing wrong and he isn't going to keep talking about it.

 

This is the kind of manipulation and bullcrap that I have had to listen to from him for the past 3 weeks since D-Day. She is posting on twitter that she is moving back up here to live with him and can't wait, but he is denying this altogether saying that she is doing this stuff just to screw with me.

 

He had me half believing him. Seriously. I almost believed him. Why? Because he knows that in a few days I'm going to know the truth either way so why lie? I don't get it. Why lie to me about it if that is what he is doing? What's the point? I'm going to find out, so why not just tell me like it is? I don't get it. Why not just get all the cards on the table?

 

At this point, I feel like they deserve each other. Both of them are messed up individuals and I will be much better off without him.

 

I just wish I didn't have to deal with him ever again. I wish that once he leaves that I never have to speak to or see him ever again. Alas, that is not to be the case. I have no choice in the matter. I have to talk to him because of our son.

 

I don't know what to do with myself at this point. I don't even know what the point is of this post. I guess it's mostly just to vent and hope that other people can give me some advice on how to save my sanity in the face of such stupidity. I know I shouldn't be looking at her twitter feed... I know it. But if I don't look then I won't know the truth about what is going on. Crazy and annoying as she is, I now know that they are in fact still talking to each other. At least she hasn't posted anything negative about me in a few days. But I'm sure that will come up again soon too.

[dreamingoftigers]

God.

I feel for you. I really do.

It's hard because you want to throw it in his face and just have him at least ADMIT IT.

 

But he's a drama-stirring brat and so is she and they won't admit to anything because its far easier to deny abd get under your skin.

 

See, no one has to face anything if they just deny it.

Hey, he can even make it "all your fault" and you "drove him to her."

 

My suggestion: get out if that "drivers seat."

 

Just ignore him or if you can't, act like you've bought the story and then when he pulls the other way, he has no one to blame but himself.

 

Or better yet, don't ask him anything, if he blah blahs to you, just say "oh."

 

Let him freak out. But don't stay in the room for it. Just let him throw his child-tantrums all by himself.

[whatatangledweb]

If you want to know what is going on I would put a VAR in his car. It is the lies that they tell you that make you feel like you are going crazy. I personally would use the VAR for the sole reason of proving whether or not he is lying. I don't get why he doesn't just admit it. She knows way too many things for it to be random.

[dreamingoftigers]

I'm confused.

 

He's the ex, right?

 

Or is he trying to be your husband or are you trying to reconcile and he's lying to you?

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

Stop looking at her twitter.

 

Only talk to him about your son and the divorce settlement.

 

Once he is moved out, stop seeing him in person completely. Arrange for an intermediary, a family member or friend, to do all drop-offs and pickups of your son. If he is visiting your son in your house, then you leave and have a family member stay and supervise the visit.

 

Once he is moved out, communicate only via email and text, not in person, not by voice, and keep all communication as short as possible, only about your son or the divorce settlement, nothing more.

 

You need no contact to start getting over this.

 

Did I mention yet, STOP LOOKING AT HER TWITTER.

 

As to why he is acting this way: HE IS MESSED UP. Stop being so angry with him. Smile at him and pat him on the top of his head as you tell him you are sorry it worked out this way, good luck, goodbye.

 

Also, stop looking at her twitter.

[harrybrown]

Sorry that you are going thru this mess.

 

He promised to love you and you have a child.

 

Has he been decent to your child in the way he treats them other than the lying and the cheating and selfishness?

 

How would he feel if you had the affair? Go dark on them both. Do the 180, and realize that everything he says is a lie.

 

That way you will not want to hear anything he says, because he is lying when his lips are moving.

 

Move on as fast as you can, because he is not helping you heal, he ripped your heart out and then threw it in the fire.

 

They deserve each other and you will be better off with both of them out of your life.

[Raena]

You are all right. I know I need to stop this insanity right now.

 

I didn't see any of this before I had my one last say to him last night.

 

He started ranting at me about the twitter stuff and all I said was:

 

"You know what? I hope someone does to you what you did to me. Only then will you see what you have done. And when it happens? I will laugh in your face. Go be with your skank. She is all you deserve. You don't deserve to be with me, you never did."

 

And then I went to bed and didn't speak to him again. That is my plan for now. To just not speak to him at all.

 

He must have told her that I was upset because this is what she posted again last night:

 

"I'm sorry you can't compare to this. I know it must be really hard for you :("

 

OK... I'm going to try to do my best to ignore him and her and act as if I don't care from this point forward. I have to do that to save my sanity.

 

He tells me that he isn't going to be able to let our son spend the night for a few weeks because he has no furniture. I think it is because she is going to be there and he doesn't want her and I to see each other. So I have to learn to deal with that too.

 

As for my back story... go read my other threads. This all started 7 months ago for me and the craziness feels like it will never end. We aren't married so I don't have to deal with divorce, but I do have to deal with him for our child's sake.

 

He wants to keep doing Sunday night dinners at my house like we've been doing for years. I don't know if I can handle that but at this point, it would be better for me to allow him to come here to see my son rather than let him go to his fathers new house with the skank.

[Raena]

Sorry that you are going thru this mess.

 

He promised to love you and you have a child.

 

Has he been decent to your child in the way he treats them other than the lying and the cheating and selfishness?

 

How would he feel if you had the affair? Go dark on them both. Do the 180, and realize that everything he says is a lie.

 

That way you will not want to hear anything he says, because he is lying when his lips are moving.

 

Move on as fast as you can, because he is not helping you heal, he ripped your heart out and then threw it in the fire.

 

They deserve each other and you will be better off with both of them out of your life.

 

No, he really isn't all that great with our son. He yells at him a lot and doesn't listen to him at all.

[dreamingoftigers]

Sunday night dinners?

 

Here's a counter-offer you can make to him:

 

How about: go fu*k yourself?

 

You've got to be kidding. He's going to live with this new girlfriend who already sounds like the type to spend all night on twitter and Facebook

Describing what her beloved's bowl movements were like, and he has the gall to even SUGGEST Sunday dinners?

 

That's not healthy at all. Not at all.

 

How confusing is that for your kid?

He's "kinda" around but he really just wants to live somewhere else. And Mom just shuts up and gets Dad some pie after this?

 

NO WAY.

 

Raena. I've never met you. I've barely posted on your thread. But this has to be the stupidest idea that you've ever considered.

 

Abd I hope that you stop considering it.

Because its really stupid. Probably because he came up with it. And he's stupid.

 

If he wants Sunday night dinner, Skankette can make it for him.

 

And yes, your son will be going over there eventually.

 

But your son won't forget about being cut out of Dads new place right when he was in the middle of this life-changing transition. Al because Daddy wanted to protect his new gf. Ridiculous.

 

NO ONE SHOULD BE CATERING (especially literally!) to this POS.

[Raena]

I don't do the cooking for these dinners... he does. But you are right. It would be better for me if I didn't allow it to happen. Especially not right now. It's going to be rough on my son. His father is about to disappear out of his life and there isn't a thing I can do about it. I can't protect him from this but I really want to. I want to do whatever I can to make this as easy a transition for him as possible. If that means I suck it up and let his father come be here with him one day a week then that's what I'll have to do.

[Raena]

I have the name of a lawyer that I'm going to contact as soon as I can. I don't think he will be open on Monday as it is a holiday. I need to know what my rights are in this situation.

 

From what I understand, I don't really have any rights as to who he has around my child until we go to court. That could take months.

 

What to do in the meantime? I don't want to tell him he can't come here to see him and I don't want to allow him to go spend the night there either. It's all so much to take right now. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

 

Can I tell him he can come see him here and/or take him out places but that he can't spend the night with him until we go to court?

[dreamingoftigers]

STOP conpromising yourself and your boundaries because this piece of human waste isn't man enough to step up to the plate and do RIGHT by his kid.

 

Yes, it SUCKS watching your kid suffer because their deadbeat dad is placing more importance on a piece of ass than his own flesh and blood, but that's NOT your problem to fix - it's HIS.

 

You CAN'T fix this by compromising yourself. You CAN'T.

 

If he's going to disappear, he will disappear ANYWAYS.

 

I had the sane thing happen with my husband when he went to Crazy La La Land. I made it is easy as I possibly could for him to see her and he chose not to.

 

Then all of a sudden he couldn't visit her and he got his ass in gear to get her back and stop being such a tool.

 

If being a father mean something to him, he will grip onto it with both hands.

If it means dick all then yiu font want him around your kid anyways.

 

My father didn't particularly care for me growing up but my mother always tried to damn well referee or negotiate. I really resent her for this abd she should have stayed out of it (except to protect me).

 

It did not but underline how much she had to do to encourage my Dad to even give a sh*t. Your son will know this and it will feel much worse than realizing his Dad is a tool who ran off. Because then he's out of sight, out of mind. It trying to push together a lukewarm Dad on a kid is much more cruel to him.

[dreamingoftigers]

I have the name of a lawyer that I'm going to contact as soon as I can. I don't think he will be open on Monday as it is a holiday. I need to know what my rights are in this situation.

 

From what I understand, I don't really have any rights as to who he has around my child until we go to court. That could take months.

 

What to do in the meantime? I don't want to tell him he can't come here to see him and I don't want to allow him to go spend the night there either. It's all so much to take right now. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

 

Can I tell him he can come see him here and/or take him out places but that he can't spend the night with him until we go to court?

 

He said he can't have his kid over there for awhile anyhow.

[liloldlady]

 

I went to my parents for dinner tonight. Just as I arrived home... she posted on twitter "(his name) baby you better fn call me back right now. Why did you hang up on me".

 

Why are you checking her twitter feed as soon as you get home? You gotta get your priorities in order.

 

and then posted a picture of him that he had obviously just taken and sent to her this evening as he is wearing the same clothes. I asked him about it and he denied it, said she is a nutcase and that no he hasn't been talking to her, that he isn't doing anything with her, that the picture is from a long time ago not today and then left the house to go get ice cream. 2 minutes after he walked back in the door... she posts "mmm that was a good phone call" So I ask him about it again and he starts screaming at me that he's done with this conversation... that he did nothing wrong and he isn't going to keep talking about it.

 

Wow, so he called her to tell her to stop tweeting and she did it anyway. She's playing games with the both of you. I think you made a mistake by sinking to their level in the first place.

 

 

At this point, I feel like they deserve each other. Both of them are messed up individuals and I will be much better off without him.

 

Agreed.

 

If I were you, I never would have let anyone get my goat. You need to immediately disengage, get him out of the house, stop reading her tweets, make sure yours are protected, and try to bow out gracefully!

[liloldlady]

 

Also, stop looking at her twitter.

 

Second thought: I would keep looking, but it's nobody's business. If someone has my name in their mouth, I'm paying attention.

[Raena]

Why are you checking her twitter feed as soon as you get home? You gotta get your priorities in order.Oh i didn't check it right away... there is a time stamp on each tweet. I knew what time I got home and could see by her post that she wrote it when I came home

 

 

 

Wow, so he called her to tell her to stop tweeting and she did it anyway. She's playing games with the both of you. I think you made a mistake by sinking to their level in the first place.

 

I surely shouldn't have told him I saw what she wrote. You are right. I think I was thinking... he is standing here telling me he isn't talking to her so I felt like I had to prove to him that she was proving to me that he is lying. Does that makes sense? Probably not because I'm not making much sense to myself these days.

 

Agreed.

 

If I were you, I never would have let anyone get my goat. You need to immediately disengage, get him out of the house, stop reading her tweets, make sure yours are protected, and try to bow out gracefully!

 

See above comments.

[liloldlady]

As for my back story... go read my other threads. This all started 7 months ago for me and the craziness feels like it will never end. We aren't married so I don't have to deal with divorce

 

Oh, so how long were you guys shacking up?

 

He wants to keep doing Sunday night dinners at my house like we've been doing for years. I don't know if I can handle that but at this point, it would be better for me to allow him to come here to see my son rather than let him go to his fathers new house with the skank.

 

Um, no, no Sunday dinners.

[Raena]

Second thought: I would keep looking, but it's nobody's business. If someone has my name in their mouth, I'm paying attention.

 

See... that's where I'm at with it. I feel like keeping looking and taking screen shots of the crap she writes may help me in the future. It could certainly go a long way towards proving what piece of crap she is and justifying why my child shouldn't be around her. At the very least, it could help me justify adding a clause to the custody agreement about him not having her around our son when he does go to spend the night.

[liloldlady]

It's going to be rough on my son. His father is about to disappear out of his life and there isn't a thing I can do about it.

 

But by your account, they don't have a good relationship anyway. Kid might start jumping for joy at this transition!

 

I can't protect him from this but I really want to. I want to do whatever I can to make this as easy a transition for him as possible. If that means I suck it up and let his father come be here with him one day a week then that's what I'll have to do.

 

I really don't believe that's your true motivation. That fact that you are hounding your ex about who he does and doesn't talk to tells me you're still hung up on him.

[liloldlady]

I don't want to tell him he can't come here to see him and I don't want to allow him to go spend the night there either.

 

Have a family member babysit, you go have a good time, schedule it so he's gone by the time you return. Tell the person who is watching your kid, no he can't leave any notes for you, he must bring all of his belongings with him when he leaves, he must leave no physical trace of his presence. Tell the babysitter to even spray some air freshener when he leaves and air the place out, LOL.

 

I feel like I'm losing my mind.

 

To be honest, you sound like you are, too. You're getting played like a fiddle, my dear.

 

Can I tell him he can come see him here and/or take him out places but that he can't spend the night with him until we go to court?

 

I really think this is a lot to do with anger at the woman. You even gave her a nickname which others on this thread have amused me by coming up with variations of it

 

But she is nothing to you. Yes, you have to be down for your kid, but sounds like he's asking for time away from the kid (you said he doesn't really get along with anyway).

 

Don't use tactics to hold on to a man just to prove you didn't let the other lady get him. Men make their own decisions, and they always will.

[liloldlady]

I surely shouldn't have told him I saw what she wrote. You are right. I think I was thinking... he is standing here telling me he isn't talking to her so I felt like I had to prove to him that she was proving to me that he is lying.

 

You need to stop thinking about that woman. She is nothing to you.

 

If he's standing there lying in my face I'd smirk and realize on the inside I did the right thing to get rid of him. Then again, if it was me, he wouldn't still be in the house. Call Tyrone, your mama, wherever you gotta go but go.

 

Does that makes sense? Probably not because I'm not making much sense to myself these days..

 

Just remind yourself: he's really not a catch at all.

[Raena]

Oh, so how long were you guys shacking up?

 

 

 

Um, no, no Sunday dinners.

 

We have been together for 11 years. We lived together off and on and had a very rocky relationship the first 5 years. Then he cheated on me when I was pregnant with our son and got the other woman pregnant.

 

I moved away to another state to be closer to my family when our son was 4 months old. He came up here to see his son on his 1st birthday and begged me to let him stay and try to be a father to his son.

 

He quit drinking and to be honest... most of the past 6 years were pretty darn good. He attributed most of the bad things that happened to us on his drinking and he wasn't wrong, that did play a huge role in what happened back then.

 

Things were very good until 7 months ago when this girl he is now planning to be with contacted me on twitter. You'd have to go look at my first thread to see what I was going through with all of that.

 

He has been lying to me for the past year and half or so. Everything that I thought was true about him... all the changes we made in our relationship to make things work... all of it was a lie. I believed in him. I thought he really wanted to make things work and it really seemed like he was doing that. I was happy. Our son was happy. He seemed happy, but then he started drifting away, took a job working nights and was never here.

 

I knew when I took him back that I was risking him doing it all over again. So yes, I blame myself for that now. I shouldn't have done it, but he seemed so sincere and he really was bending over backwards to convince me that he wanted to make it work. We dealt with the situation with the other woman back then in a way that worked for all of us. She is now happily married to another man and it all worked out for all of us. He didn't spend time with that child though and I think he blames me for that. He knew that I couldn't deal with that. With him working nights, that would mean that I would have to take care of that child for him while he worked and I wasn't comfortable with that. I set my boundaries and told him that he couldn't cross that line... never told him he couldn't see this child, just not to expect me to help him raise him.

 

Either way, this man has manipulated and lied to me repeatedly the entire time I've known him. I was a fool to believe anything he ever said to me. I'd be a fool to believe anything he has to say to me now.

 

I take ownership in all of this. I blame myself for letting this man continually be a part of my life. That was my fault. I knew what a jerk he was and what he was capable of doing but I really wanted to believe that he could change.

 

I know now without a doubt that he will never change. He is who he is. I have to stop beating myself up over his behavior. The only thing I can do is recognize that the choices I made allowed this to happen. It's a really tough pill to swallow. To know that because I allowed him back that I allowed him the opportunity to hurt me again. It makes me not want to ever trust anyone again.

 

You all have no idea how good he is at convincing other people that his mistakes are your fault. You see it here in how I am blaming myself. The thing is, I do need to blame myself. I allowed it to happen and therefore I'm to blame.

 

I got complacent. I really started to trust in him and believe in him. Just when I thought things were going well enough for us to make the next step and get married I find out that nothing has really changed. I'm right back where I was 7 years ago, pregnant and he was cheating on me.

 

I'm thankful for the advice you all give me on here. I really am. This helps so much to have a place to talk about it and get things off my chest. I'm a mess right now in so many ways and talking about it, explaining what he did, how things have gone down...it helps.

[jnel921]

 

Okay, you have confirmed that he is moving out and you are done. I think you are acting crazy and psycho by following her on twitter. She obviously knows this and knows how to upset you by posting stuff you are going to read and react to. Why are you giving her this power?

 

The best thing you can do for yourself is say nothing to your exB, unfollow her on twitter and leave it alone. Live your own life and let them wonder what the hell your next move is, that is if they even care.

 

If all they did was lie, cheat and torment you on twitter, what makes you think they will be honest and forthcoming now? They don't care about you and this OW thinks this is a game and is playing you the way she knows she can.

 

The one person you need to love the most is yourself. Do yourself a favor and release yourself from this nonsense. They both deserve each other. You have to believe that one day you will find someone better.

[liloldlady]

See... that's where I'm at with it. I feel like keeping looking and taking screen shots of the crap she writes may help me in the future.

 

I don't think documenting is a bad idea at all. It's online bullying/harassment.

 

And why is she so obsessed with you anyway if it's him she's supposed to be interested in? Makes no sense. Sounds weird, warped, & dangerous.

 

So document everything and focus on your future and your son.

[liloldlady]

You will heal, you will triumph, you will get to a place where you do not check her twitter feed-Hang tough!

 

Yeah. I say do it until you don't feel like it anymore. It will become boring. You'll look up and realize one day what a no priority it became. Maybe you'll look again years later and laugh, or shake your head with pity...