Conners Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 I've been with my boyfriend since Jan this year, we kinda just started out casually and then about 2 months in he asked if I could be his girlfriend officially because he had "fallen" for me. I trusted him 100% when it came to him being faithful, he never texted other girls, he never likes or comments on photos of other girls on fb or talks to them. He doesn't really use his phone alot in general. He also is at home alot, because his friends come to him nearly everyday and chill and has lost his license at the moment. It suprised me that he was like this since he's pretty good looking and he's 20, so at that age you're supposed to be in your "prime" or whatever. We both have had a past obviously, we told each other about it, he has had sex with about 20 girls. and he was the 11th guy i was with. We were both not the clingy type, so in the first few months we were dating we only saw each other like twice a week. Then in July, I went overseas for a month, at the same time I went his younger sisters friend moved into his house because she ran away from home. My boyfriend has had sex with her before "once" a few years ago.. so i felt a bit funny about it.. especially since i wouldnt see him for a month but I let it go because I trusted him. Anyways fast forward to yesterday, he wanted to show me a conversation from earlier in the year (involving some girl who was practically stalking him) on facebook, just for a laugh. He logged into fb on my phone and i read it for a while. Then I scrolled up through his messages and of course there was hardly anything there and if there were msgs from girls he hadn't replied to them. Then I noticed a convo from his younger sisters friend who lives with him. It was back in April before she moved in and it goes along the lines of this: Him: "oi hey r u staying the night again hehe Her: Yep cant get rid of me hehe Her: Wud Tomorrow Her: U should tote come sonts ;) Him: Mum is coming to pick you guys up now i think (meaning her and his sister) Her: Him I took a screen shot of it and said to him, i'm giving you a chance to tell me if you ever cheated on me before we got really serious. He was like what the hell are you talking about blah blah. and then i showed him the screen shot and hes like ok yeah that looks bad but you have to believe that nothing happened, why would i throw what we have away for someone like her, shes a free loading slut. I sometimes get a kick out of girls showing me attention. And then he's like "you can't be mad at me, look at how many guy friends you have, and you deleted a whole conversation with a guy you work with and i trusted you when you saId nothing happened with him" Then he was upset because I clearly didn't believe him. I know he loves me, alot. He has given up smoking cigarettes and smoking weed for me. That one message is playing on the back of my mind though, I do believe that nothing happened but for him to send that message in the first place just makes me think he didn't really care about me. and now everytime i see her, i want to punch her in the face because she knows we are together. :@:@ This sounds very petty but I'm alot better looking than her and i'm 21 and have my **** together. She's only 17, dropped out of school, smokes weed, doesnt work and pretty much freeloads off my boyfriends mum. I don't know why he'd even msg her :S What's worse is that she likes pretty much everything that my boyfriend puts on fb. and he told me that her and her friend were talking about threesomes in front of him. So it's quite obvious she wants him.
Author Conners Posted November 10, 2013 Author Posted November 10, 2013 Well thanks.. realistically 90% of us use facebook, just like phones.. of course they are going to contribute to any relationship problems. Cheers for that condescending insight. 2
heartshaped Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Actually, I don't think the messages between the two of them sound that bad. Definitely some light flirting, but I doubt [just from the messages] that he slept with her or anything like that. 1
Author Conners Posted November 10, 2013 Author Posted November 10, 2013 Yeah i doubt he did anything either.. just the fact he messaged her being flirty bugs me! I really don't like the girl, and she lives with him and she is clearly in love with him. Just annoyed and don't want to talk to him at the moment.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 It seems like every other thread is about Fakebook. For many who use it, they have A LOT problems / drama. It should have it's own section on LS and would it be the busiest one by far. If you ask me, 90% of people who use Fakebook do not have the mental / emotional maturity for it. This has nothing to do with Facebook and maturity to use Facebook Flirting with others and cheating was there long before computers were invented. With all this new technology it just makes it harder to hide. That's not a bad thing. OP - I don't think that their messages are that bad. 1
todreaminblue Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 (edited) Well thanks.. realistically 90% of us use facebook, just like phones.. of course they are going to contribute to any relationship problems. Cheers for that condescending insight. hey connors, i dont think ti was condescending it was merely a factual observation directed nowhere in general i think the comment was about the maturity level of some people who use face book...and i have to question it too...the things posted and messages sent are often really unnecessary and juvenile which i dont believe face book was created for ... contacting people you love and care about yes.....i think face book caters to this immature crowd more than for the purpose that is was created for...my teen girls have this thing they post root or boot makes me retch judging themselves on whether guys would have sex with them or kick them up the butt..i have asked them not to do post these sort of things .everybody does is the answer i get ...i dotn care what5 everyone does is my answer......and i combat it the only way i know how by telling them i love them and posting comments along those lines.......guys thinking they are ugly and having the audacity to say so maybe i am immature ....because i am not hardened to that and i want to kick their butts....it upsets me ...so therefore i dont get on often .....only when i stalk them,see what they are up to so i can help them if i need to... how positive and mature is facebook really ...peopel talk about how they are going to the the toilet ....honestly...who wants to know...i post poems on my girls pages and my friends pages send them positive messages.......loving poems......how much i care.....those posts get likes from my closest friends and family.....the root or boot on my girls pages much more likes than my simple appreciation of the people i love .....what does that say?....far more likes for degradation and ridicule and bullying behaviors than love and for the true reason facebook should have been created...i try to find positive pages..... face book relationships..yeah well....no comment...i dont think you should use face book as a guide for anything nor what is written on it unless it makes you feel good...to me that is maturity.....i wish you well...forget facebook concentrate on your relationship in the here and now and all the tomorrows...dotn go aroudn with hate in yoru heart wantign to punch peopel in the face it does you no good ...honestly...it doesnt.......good luck ...deb Edited November 10, 2013 by todreaminblue
Grumpybutfun Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Anyways fast forward to yesterday, he wanted to show me a conversation from earlier in the year (involving some girl who was practically stalking him) on facebook, just for a laugh. He logged into fb on my phone and i read it for a while. Then I scrolled up through his messages and of course there was hardly anything there and if there were msgs from girls he hadn't replied to them. Then I noticed a convo from his younger sisters friend who lives with him. It was back in April before she moved in and it goes along the lines of this: Him: "oi hey r u staying the night again hehe Her: Yep cant get rid of me hehe Her: Wud Tomorrow Her: U should tote come sonts ;) Him: Mum is coming to pick you guys up now i think (meaning her and his sister) Her: Him I can't even understand this....what is "Wud tomorrow"? Also, what is "tote come sonts?":confused: 12
Author Conners Posted November 10, 2013 Author Posted November 10, 2013 I can't even understand this....what is "Wud tomorrow"? Also, what is "tote come sonts?":confused: I agree with you.. the "wud tomorrow" i have no idea what she is talking about. "come sonts" meant come to my friend sonts house.. which is where she would of been. Ironically he has also had sex with that friend too.
Author Conners Posted November 10, 2013 Author Posted November 10, 2013 Let me get this straight, along with Fakebook being a tool to connect with Friends, Family, etc... You see it as a tool to cheat and get caught. I think that mindset is unhealthy and I would consider it a bad thing. Are you you one of those GFs who has to have his password, stalks everything he or his 3,000+ "friends" say or do on there. Interrogate / question him over needless posts, likes, messages, chat sessions and who he is "friends" with, etc. Calm down mate, I came on here for advice, not to get a lecture about facebook and how it's ruining relationships - which i agree, it does. To answer your question no, I have never been through his phone or facebook. He logged into his facebook on my phone so i could read a certain message he wanted to show me and I scrolled up and that's how i came across the msg - curiosity got the better of me. I never question him about anything because i trusted him & he doesn't use facebook like alot of people do (people with 3000+ friends) I admit i do read everything he puts on facebook because i'm a girl, we all do it. I just don't say anything or question anything
Art_Critic Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 7 months.. no reason to mistrust since.. you have to let it go... too much time has passed since and the reason for the email will have been distorted, good or bad... Move on from this...unless there is more recent reasons for mistrust 1
beyond Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 I've been with my boyfriend since Jan this year, we kinda just started out casually and then about 2 months in he asked if I could be his girlfriend officially because he had "fallen" for me. I trusted him 100% when it came to him being faithful, he never texted other girls, he never likes or comments on photos of other girls on fb or talks to them. He doesn't really use his phone alot in general. He also is at home alot, because his friends come to him nearly everyday and chill and has lost his license at the moment. It suprised me that he was like this since he's pretty good looking and he's 20, so at that age you're supposed to be in your "prime" or whatever. We both have had a past obviously, we told each other about it, he has had sex with about 20 girls. and he was the 11th guy i was with. We were both not the clingy type, so in the first few months we were dating we only saw each other like twice a week. Then in July, I went overseas for a month, at the same time I went his younger sisters friend moved into his house because she ran away from home. My boyfriend has had sex with her before "once" a few years ago.. so i felt a bit funny about it.. especially since i wouldnt see him for a month but I let it go because I trusted him. Anyways fast forward to yesterday, he wanted to show me a conversation from earlier in the year (involving some girl who was practically stalking him) on facebook, just for a laugh. He logged into fb on my phone and i read it for a while. Then I scrolled up through his messages and of course there was hardly anything there and if there were msgs from girls he hadn't replied to them. Then I noticed a convo from his younger sisters friend who lives with him. It was back in April before she moved in and it goes along the lines of this: Him: "oi hey r u staying the night again hehe Her: Yep cant get rid of me hehe Her: Wud Tomorrow Her: U should tote come sonts ;) Him: Mum is coming to pick you guys up now i think (meaning her and his sister) Her: Him I took a screen shot of it and said to him, i'm giving you a chance to tell me if you ever cheated on me before we got really serious. He was like what the hell are you talking about blah blah. and then i showed him the screen shot and hes like ok yeah that looks bad but you have to believe that nothing happened, why would i throw what we have away for someone like her, shes a free loading slut. I sometimes get a kick out of girls showing me attention. And then he's like "you can't be mad at me, look at how many guy friends you have, and you deleted a whole conversation with a guy you work with and i trusted you when you saId nothing happened with him" Then he was upset because I clearly didn't believe him. I know he loves me, alot. He has given up smoking cigarettes and smoking weed for me. That one message is playing on the back of my mind though, I do believe that nothing happened but for him to send that message in the first place just makes me think he didn't really care about me. and now everytime i see her, i want to punch her in the face because she knows we are together. :@:@ This sounds very petty but I'm alot better looking than her and i'm 21 and have my **** together. She's only 17, dropped out of school, smokes weed, doesnt work and pretty much freeloads off my boyfriends mum. I don't know why he'd even msg her :S What's worse is that she likes pretty much everything that my boyfriend puts on fb. and he told me that her and her friend were talking about threesomes in front of him. So it's quite obvious she wants him. Ah facebook schmacebook - don't understand why people do it and don't understand why people have to tell each other all about their past sexual partners, but putting that aside.... You say you love him and trust him and believe him that nothing happened. so, if that's true, then just drop it and get on with being happy together. Stop all this talk about punching the girl in the face! It doesn't matter how SHE acts, whether or not she strips off and gives your bf a lapdance....it matters how HE acts!
veggirl Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Your bf needs to quit keeping ex sexual partners around as friends. It sounds like he's slept with every girl he is "friends" with. 1
Author Conners Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Your bf needs to quit keeping ex sexual partners around as friends. It sounds like he's slept with every girl he is "friends" with. It's his younger sisters friends, not his. Therefore they are always around which annoys me.. because they try and pursue him and show off infront of him. Drives me nuts. Like legit all of them want him
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 It's his younger sisters friends, not his. Therefore they are always around which annoys me.. because they try and pursue him and show off infront of him. Drives me nuts. Like legit all of them want him I don't think it's entirely their fault. Your bf must encourage them in some way. I have dated very good looking men who had ton of female attention but they acted in such a way that I was never jealous. Then there were other men, that I just couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I felt that there is something shady and things like this made me have doubts. It's not even about if he is cheating on you or cheated on you. I believe that he didn't. He must get ego boost from extra female attention which can lead to cheating later on. 1
crederer Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I dunno doesn't sound that bad all things considered. I couldnt understand some of it but it sounded generally slightly flirtatious but not like....cheating flirtatious. Also, this was real early in the relationship, no? Not like last week? Even if it was last week......still not that bad.
Author Conners Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 I don't think it's entirely their fault. Your bf must encourage them in some way. I have dated very good looking men who had ton of female attention but they acted in such a way that I was never jealous. Then there were other men, that I just couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I felt that there is something shady and things like this made me have doubts. It's not even about if he is cheating on you or cheated on you. I believe that he didn't. He must get ego boost from extra female attention which can lead to cheating later on. I get your point, he actually doesn't show them ANY attention . That's why I was so suprised and confused when i saw that message to one of them. & it is partly his fault, he took two of their virginitys at their request (they are sluts) so they have basically clung onto that and think he's into them. (mindset of a 16/17 year old girl) Once when we had a massive fight, he posted on facebook (please no facebook bashing) "single once again :(" and literally in 5 minutes, all those girls had liked his status. Small stuff like that bugs me.
Author Conners Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 I dunno doesn't sound that bad all things considered. I couldnt understand some of it but it sounded generally slightly flirtatious but not like....cheating flirtatious. Also, this was real early in the relationship, no? Not like last week? Even if it was last week......still not that bad. Yeah was 7 months ago, probably like 1-2 months after we were "official" and we were defintley not as in love as we are now.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I get your point, he actually doesn't show them ANY attention . That's why I was so suprised and confused when i saw that message to one of them. & it is partly his fault, he took two of their virginitys at their request (they are sluts) so they have basically clung onto that and think he's into them. (mindset of a 16/17 year old girl) Once when we had a massive fight, he posted on facebook (please no facebook bashing) "single once again :(" and literally in 5 minutes, all those girls had liked his status. Small stuff like that bugs me. Yeah small stuff like that would bug me too. It's like this unnecessary stress that stops you from fully enjoying the relationship. Plus the fact that he has slept with them at one point. BTW it's awful how aggressive some girls are and seem to have no respect for the fact that the guy has a gf.
Author Conners Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Yeah small stuff like that would bug me too. It's like this unnecessary stress that stops you from fully enjoying the relationship. Plus the fact that he has slept with them at one point. BTW it's awful how aggressive some girls are and seem to have no respect for the fact that the guy has a gf. They are defintley aggressive in the way they approach him, I heard a few stories while i was overseas about them trying to get in there why they could. Not happy haha, the only thing I do is make sure that we are all over each other while they are around so they can get the point. 1
MidwestUSA Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Once when we had a massive fight, he posted on facebook (please no facebook bashing) "single once again :(" and literally in 5 minutes, all those girls had liked his status. Small stuff like that bugs me. This is just plain immaturity. That and keeping all the chicks he's ever slept with around as orbiters. You'd might as well get used to it, because he sees nothing disrespectful about it and isn't going to change. Not at the age of twenty.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I believe that no girl is that delusional/stalkerish/whatever if a guy is not in some way leading her on. Even the most agressive ones will give up pretty quickly if all they get back is a blank wall. 1
Quiet Storm Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 He enjoys the attention. These girls continue because he's not shutting them down. Both sides, the girls and your bf are getting validation out of these interactions. The need for external validation doesn't just go away because your gfs feelings are hurt. It's deeper than that. These little clues give you insight into the kind of person he is. What other clues do you have about his character? Why did he lose his license? He may not be capable of giving you the kind of relationship you want. Whether its related to immaturity, ego or opportunity doesn't really matter. You can love someone, and still conclude that they aren't a suitable partner for you. If you feel disrespected or marginalized by this flirting, then he should be considerate of that. If these girls really mean nothing to him, he should have no problem saying "look, out of respect for my relationship, we can't have these kinds of conversations". If he values the feelings of these girls more than your feelings, then that's a problem.
Author Conners Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 He enjoys the attention. These girls continue because he's not shutting them down. Both sides, the girls and your bf are getting validation out of these interactions. The need for external validation doesn't just go away because your gfs feelings are hurt. It's deeper than that. These little clues give you insight into the kind of person he is. What other clues do you have about his character? Why did he lose his license? He may not be capable of giving you the kind of relationship you want. Whether its related to immaturity, ego or opportunity doesn't really matter. You can love someone, and still conclude that they aren't a suitable partner for you. If you feel disrespected or marginalized by this flirting, then he should be considerate of that. If these girls really mean nothing to him, he should have no problem saying "look, out of respect for my relationship, we can't have these kinds of conversations". If he values the feelings of these girls more than your feelings, then that's a problem. They are just plain desperate, he doesn't show them any attention. It was the one conversation I pulled him up from. Well he lost his license speeding.. then he got caught driving without a license so he had his license suspended further. Should be getting it back in a few months hopefully.
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