JokerManDan Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Well for starters to put it quite simply, I have problems... The most current thing that has been bothering me lately is a woman that I work with. I work in a hospital as a transport orderly. It isn't a high paying job but it isn't minimum wage either. The woman I work with is a nurse and she is a year younger than me. She started working in my department about a year and a half ago and she does seem like she is a genuinely nice person. But anyway I developed a huge attraction for her because she is very pretty and very smart. I unfortunately have low self esteem and at the time she started working there I was losing weight I had quit drinking months before that and I had also stopped smoking months before that. Anyway things seemed pretty good between us as coworkers and we seemed to get along just fine. But as the months went on I suspected she knew I was attracted to her and the longer it went on more it seemed she was getting creeped out by me. I would practically bend over backwards just to make sure she had everything she needed to do her job, and I would rush back to make sure I was there to transport her patient and get pretty mad if any one else did it. Finally I built up enough courage to tell her how I felt, at least for the sake of not keeping it bottled up. Well she told me no. She said "it never works out between coworkers". I am not saying she is wrong but I started getting very resentful of her after that, while at the same time still feeling depressed that she wasn't giving me at least a chance to go out for coffee like any other guy. I also suspected that if I was a doctor it would be a different story. I don't hate her but I'm still disappointed. Even more so, I am disappointed with myself. I get fixated with women who want nothing to do with me. WHY GODDAMIT WHY?! I really hate myself for that too. I hate myself for not having high self esteem. I hate myself for not being able to just move on. I hate myself for constantly feeling withdrawn from this. I hate that I can't seem to get myself out there. Even more so, I hate that I have to work with her still. And I can't just quit cause I am in school right now and am having enough financial difficulty as it is. Plus there isn't any jobs available right now that I qualify for in other departments. I have had bouts of suicidal thoughts but they quickly go away. I just can't take it anymore. Women want a guy who has confidence in himself and I feel like I just don't have it. Therefore I feel like I'm just going to be alone for the rest of my life
ChessPieceFace Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 (edited) I just can't take it anymore. Women want a guy who has confidence in himself and I feel like I just don't have it. Therefore I feel like I'm just going to be alone for the rest of my life Yeah, I feel that way too. But then, most of the time I'm pretty happy alone. Today (Saturday) I did whatever I wanted. Went out and got some food, brought it back home to enjoy shows / sports I like. I can game as much as I want. I do household chores when I want. It would take an exceptional woman to compete with the porn + fantasy which I enjoy whenever I want (in fact many guys trying to stop porn have to accept the fact that the real thing is never as good in certain ways.) Do I get lonely? Yep, sometimes. And occasionally I get infatuated with girls who invariably are the ones that don't like me, and it's probably due to similar reasons as you. I'm introverted and I refuse to be someone I'm not or someone I don't like. Alpha males disgust me. I find certain levels of confidence (the kind that attracts women) to be disgusting, fake, and logically and ethically indefensible. What you need to do is to dispel the fantasy that girlfriend = happiness and that this girl liking you = happiness. It has rewards but tons of problems, hassles and work associated with it. You took a chance, that's good. It didn't work. Move on. Learn from it. Don't resent someone for not liking you. She's just a woman, she can't help how she is. Here's an idea - strike up conversations with girls you don't care about (perhaps ones waiting on you in retail.) You'll find that easy to do compared to talking to a girl you like, and you'll get experience. Edited November 10, 2013 by ChessPieceFace
headinthecloud Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 It sounds like you have low self esteem. Rejection is apart of life - we all go through it. And each time you can choose to either learn from the experience or be scarred by it. Resiliency is key to happiness so "reject rejection". Meaning, don't take it as rejection, look at it as a proud achievement - you made yourself vulnerable to another person and they didn't reciprocate...oh well...next! Trying too hard to please others turns people off in general, especially when someone is being pursued by someone they're not attracted to. My suggestion would be to stop thinking about her. Believe it or not, you have control over your thoughts, you just have to work at it. And respect her space, if you happen to cross paths at work just be polite and go about your day - stop going out of your way to see her. You're being obsessive and that's scary for anyone.
SameMistakes Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 JokerManDan, clearly Larange is just here to cast judgment and not offer support. I wonder why someone like that would be here at all. But I do think ChessPiece actually gave some pretty good advice. As a 27 year old woman, I have been mostly single throughout my 20s and have learned to appreciate my aloneness. While I don't agree that porn can 100 percent take the place of sex (maybe it's a guy thing), there is a certain freedom to being alone. Having seen many of the people I love struggle in their relationships, I think ChessPiece is def right that a relationship is not automatic happiness. Also, in my opinion, truly creepy guys aren't aware when a girl is creeped out. You took a chance and told her how you felt, which is more than most people would have the guts to do. So it didn't work out, give her some space and cut yourself some slack.
Author JokerManDan Posted November 10, 2013 Author Posted November 10, 2013 Also, in my opinion, truly creepy guys aren't aware when a girl is creeped out. You took a chance and told her how you felt, which is more than most people would have the guts to do. So it didn't work out, give her some space and cut yourself some slack. I think you're right on that one because after a while I was getting the idea that she really didn't like being around me. So it's a relief to know that I am not a truly creepy guy. I have tried to give her space, in fact most times I even just avoided her altogether. On days that she isn't there I'm perfectly fine but I actually am at the point where I dread her being there because I'M now uncomfortable around her. Obviously for a different reason. ChessPiece has some pretty good points though cause there are benefits to being single. I just started going to school and have a determination to improve my life altogether. I've been on this path of self improvement for the past 2 years
Author JokerManDan Posted November 10, 2013 Author Posted November 10, 2013 (edited) Here's an idea - strike up conversations with girls you don't care about (perhaps ones waiting on you in retail.) You'll find that easy to do compared to talking to a girl you like, and you'll get experience. I have done that and funnily enough you are right it is much easier to do. I mean not that I DON'T care about them, I mean as human beings in general I do care but it is easier when I'm not trying so hard I have to say now that I got all that out I am starting to feel a little better. I'm not 100 % but I'm not as mopey. I have my good moments and my bad ones. Edited November 10, 2013 by JokerManDan 2
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