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lol wow... i can't believe this guy was so forward

foxinabox

By foxinabox
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foxinabox Member

foxinabox

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backstory short i've known him for a few years and always respected him a lot cuz he seemed like a really decent + smart guy. i've always been curious about him and somewhat interested but nothing ever happened. we recently reconnected and got coffee. i messaged him around the time me and former bf broke up, because well i guess he was a rebound but i was also legit happy about the chance to get to know him. i think his relationship ended just before mine (although it was a longer relationship).

 

so during our coffee he made his interest preeeetty clear. however, he told me that the reason he and his ex broke up was because she demanded too much commitment from him and wanted him to promise they'd be together after he finished his program (phd). he doesn't know where in the world he'll find a tenured job so he couldn't promise her anything. then she tried to make him jealous blah blah and it ended. so he said in effect, "i'm not looking for a *serious* relationship... i can't do that right now and make promises... my schooling is too important to **** up cuz it's my livelihood...don't know where i'll be in 3 years after i finish." is he saying he only wants a ****buddy, or that he's just not looking for a SERIOUS relationship but could be open to an exclusive relationship that's not too high-pressure? i get where he's coming from regarding the commitment, but i don't like being used as an easy **** buddy :p

TylerDurdenn Established Member

TylerDurdenn

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He said he's not looking for a serious relationship, what's the problem?

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foxinabox Member

foxinabox

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the problem is i don't want to be an easy "fbuddy" like i said in my post... so i'm asking if there's a chance he could just be saying he doesn't want a SERIOUS relationship -- although an exclusive relationship nonetheless

Divasu Established Member

Divasu

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He's being upfront/honest with you.

 

i get where he's coming from regarding the commitment, but i don't like being used as an easy **** buddy

 

You haven't dated/been intimate, so how are you being "used"? You know he isn't interested in anything beyond sex, so, what happens next is up to you.

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foxinabox Member

foxinabox

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becuase if we keep hanging out he's obviously going to try something so i'm thinking preemptively. i don't necessarily know that he's not interested in anything beyond sex... all i know is that he doesn't want a SERIOUS relationship.

Uwaae Established Member

Uwaae

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Just because you posted this here, I KNOW that youre into him.

So if you want to be his ****buddy, you should.

you dont have to look for support here

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foxinabox Member

foxinabox

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i am into him to an extent. but i'm also NOT looking for a fwb relationship. if that's all he wants, i'd rather us not do anything intimate and just stay friends

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Divasu Established Member

Divasu

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becuase if we keep hanging out he's obviously going to try something so i'm thinking preemptively.

 

Well if that happens, you already know the deal and if you don't want to get burned, don't play with the fire. :)

 

i don't necessarily know that he's not interested in anything beyond sex... all i know is that he doesn't want a SERIOUS relationship.

 

Great.

So now you know what you're getting into.

:bunny:;)

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Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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At least he's honest about it.

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FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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the problem is i don't want to be an easy "fbuddy" like i said in my post... so i'm asking if there's a chance he could just be saying he doesn't want a SERIOUS relationship -- although an exclusive relationship nonetheless

 

My guess would be he wants someone always available for sex when he wants it and who wouldn't have any expectations. His work is more important than any woman now and in the foreseeable future.

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spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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If he's sitting in front of you saying his work is more important to him at the moment and he isn't looking for a serious relationship, then he means it. If you were sitting in front of the guy of your dreams, who you knew might be the one for you, would you say that your work was more important to you at this point? I doubt it.

 

He's laying down the ground rules. It's up to you whether you accept them or not.

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fujidabruin Established Member

fujidabruin

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Hey foxinabox,

 

Sounds like the guy is being pretty upfront with you. Now the ball is in your court. Guess you simply have to decide if you are currently looking for a guy who is willing to "go the distance" or not.

 

Might help you to write down exactly what you are looking for in the relationship department just to get it clear in your own mind. Have a discussion with him about it. Maybe you will be staying just friends, maybe not.

 

Either way it is good to start off being honest with each other and with yourself. Good Luck

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SJC2008 Established Member

SJC2008

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This is one area where I feel like I don't fit into society. How can someone being honest with thier intentions and not blowing smoke up your ass and selling you "hopes and dreams" be what you consider forward. I can assure you if he was that honest about what he is/isn't looking for he won't have a problem if you ask him if he's open to something exclusive or just wants a fwb. TBS you're both robounds so it doesn't really matter in my book...

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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As startling as his candor may have been you'd be twice as pi$$ed if he romanced you just to have sex with you then announced he didn't want a relationship.

 

You two are in different places right now. If you don't want a F*buddy & he doesn't want a GF you are left with somebody you had coffee with & messaged a few times. No harm. No foul but no future either. Next.

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veggirl Established Member

veggirl

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Are you capable of exclusively dating someone for months or even a year or more WITHOUT taking it seriously??

 

Why would you even consider signing up for that?

 

You are hoping he will change his mind. You assume if he becomes exclusive, it will turn serious. You know it will for you, that's normal.

 

I'm pretty sure when he says he doesn't want serious he MEANS exclusive as well.

hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

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I say, be happy he was honest and din't try to string you along!

 

Id rather a guy be upfront about his intentions. I can give him a flat out 'yes' or 'no.'

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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i promote honesty when i am datign a guy its what i want so if a guy tells me i want sex or fwb i can say hey thats not what i want......so yeah this is a waste of my time and yours.....have done this recently...straight up before i even know them and luckily i seem to fidn guys who tell me the truth..and i wish them well just nto with me...if i feel a guy is beign dishonest ...il sabotage the date by beign clingy, grabbing their arm which isnt me, metnioning theri exes dissecting their past relationship..be prudish and clingy gets results everytime...so yeah ....it works..they dont call back.....deb

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