Author wonderingwhathappene Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 It's ok. I know it is hard not to take it personal when people have negative things to say about our choices and situations. Honestly, you are gonna get a lot of that here- because this situation is no good. Period. Really though, I do care about your situation and would like you to see this sitiation more objectively. We are just strangers (some wise, some nut jobs) on the internet. I strongly advice seeking counseling to help you have a more balanced view of this situation, and anything else that may bother you in life! Him emailing you articles is nice and all. Did he do that for his other students? No! He did not, in fact others used to complain in class that he never replied to them. So I used to find that kind of amusing, considering he would randomly send me articles etc. Thanks for giving me a background about this community Yes, you're right, we are all strangers. And I agree, this has obviously deeply affected me... I tried to block him a few times from having me added to his friends list, but I just cannot bring myself to do it. Maybe you're right, I should see a therapist to ask them what the underlying issue is. But the fact still remains, I know I hurt him that day by flirting with his colleague. Which I never should have done in the thank you email. Enough that he decided to cut me from instantly writing to me via chat. If I had that affect on him, obviously he must have had more than just an interest as you guys put it 'tap that' I think he may have had feelings for me. THat's just what I feel. I guess I'm hopeful that one day he will email me and like to resume some kind of correspondence. Now that I'm far away, at least nothing can happen physically.
Author wonderingwhathappene Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 He's a married man. You are attractive. A former student. Moved clear across the country. Played staring games with one another. And you posted on LS, not I suspect, b/c you want to know if he is platonically interested, rather, if there is any romantic interest. I mean, why would YOU be interested in having a platonic relationship with a married man thousands of miles away? Honestly, do YOU really believe that he is interested in having a friendship? Honestly.... We had a lot to talk about, and shared so many hobbies, sometimes it was almost weird. I told him maybe we were friends in another lifetime, because we had so much in common. You're right, maybe my interest him is purely romantic, but being far away from him, at least it can be limited to a friendship.
NJtoDC Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 But the fact still remains, I know I hurt him that day by flirting with his colleague. Which I never should have done in the thank you email. Enough that he decided to cut me from instantly writing to me via chat. If I had that affect on him, obviously he must have had more than just an interest as you guys put it 'tap that' I think he may have had feelings for me. THat's just what I feel. I guess I'm hopeful that one day he will email me and like to resume some kind of correspondence. Now that I'm far away, at least nothing can happen physically. There is no appropriate reason for a married man to be jealous of who you flirt with. If he is jealous of who you flirt with it is because he has interest in your beyond friendship. That would be either an emotional or physical affair.
Author wonderingwhathappene Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 There is no appropriate reason for a married man to be jealous of who you flirt with. If he is jealous of who you flirt with it is because he has interest in your beyond friendship. That would be either an emotional or physical affair. That makes sense. I think after I wrote him that email at the end of the semester after I saw him, confessing that I had a crush on him and thanked him for being so helpful and courteous during the semester, he probably realized my feelings were in sync with his obvious crush on me. I say obvious, because us women tend to be a lot more smooth at hiding it. Whereas, he would openly stare, and I'd catch him etc. Maybe I wrote that flirty thank you email about the reference letter to his single colleague as a way of sabotaging anything with the married one. I think a part of me KNEW he would show te married one. They've been friends for nearly 7 years. He probably ignores me now, because he doesn't like me anymore.
NJtoDC Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 (edited) That makes sense. I think after I wrote him that email at the end of the semester after I saw him, confessing that I had a crush on him and thanked him for being so helpful and courteous during the semester, he probably realized my feelings were in sync with his obvious crush on me. I say obvious, because us women tend to be a lot more smooth at hiding it. Whereas, he would openly stare, and I'd catch him etc. Maybe I wrote that flirty thank you email about the reference letter to his single colleague as a way of sabotaging anything with the married one. I think a part of me KNEW he would show te married one. They've been friends for nearly 7 years. He probably ignores me now, because he doesn't like me anymore. Perhaps he was basking in the attention of a younger woman, hence why I said you are likely an ego boost. He didn't try to progress the relationship, so perhaps he enjoyed just the attention. This is the best response he could have had. He was inappropriate but backed out, even if for the wrong reasons-jealously. He did the right thing. Now you do the right thing and leave it alone. If everything else said was not evidence enough of where you are emotionally with this situation- the fact that you moved cross country to avoid him is glaring- you were in an emotional affair or at least working toward one. Do you really want to have an affair with this man? You are young, educated, and I am sure have lots of wonderful qualities to offer a man. Do you want a husband, family? Why not focus on yourself and your future? He has made his choice. Edited November 9, 2013 by NJtoDC
NJtoDC Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Maybe I wrote that flirty thank you email about the reference letter to his single colleague as a way of sabotaging anything with the married one. I think a part of me KNEW he would show te married one. They've been friends for nearly 7 years. Are you unclear why you wrote that email? Did you really want to flirt with the colleague or were you intentionally being insincere? If you haven't really thought this though yet could it be an effort to renew married man's jealousy and try to provoke him to give you attention?
NJtoDC Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Here's a question for you: If married man contacted you, said he was coming to town for something and would like to 'catch up', would you go? Would you sleep with him if he initiated it?
Author wonderingwhathappene Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 dgsgdshdshs Okay, I think I see what you're saying. So he's just keeping me there as a reminder that some girl used to like him? I sent him an email the morning after our final presentations and night at the bar. He and the other prof except one prof (the single one did not come for some reason) took all the students to a bar for drinks. That's where he randomly started talking about his wife etc. And was NC with me until I asked him for a business card. He handed everyone a card except me. I asked him why i didn't get one, to which he coldly replied 'why do you need one when you have me on the *social networking name* website' I realized he got wind that I was asking people in class about why his behaviour with me was specifically different. Anyway, I felt bad, so the next morning I wrote him an email saying thanking him for his help during the semester, and told him he was the most helpful and considerate. I told him regardless of the social networking site... that I'd still like his business card down the road, and to keep in touch. He did not reply, so I took it that he did not share the same feelings towards me. Then I added him to linkedin, figuring it's good to have some professional use of him. I'd added the single one to linkedin in ONE WEEK before the married one randomly added me to the social networking website. When some months passed, I decided to ask the single one for a reference lette.r I would have asked the married one, but felt weird since he never replied to that email... But the moment I wrote thank you to the single one using 'dreamboat' as the middle initial of the single one's name, literally 10 minutes later, the married one deleted and blocked me from the chat bar, that is always open in our email... I realized it was no coincidence. So it was AFTER i emailed him how I felt, and only after I wrote that to his single coworker as a thankyou, that the married one finally deleted me from his chat bar. I figured he would also delete me as a friend, but did not. Then to make ammense, I wished him happy birthday- he ignored it. And then that article thing I mentioned earlier... He took the advice and got his PR on the article, but didn't bother thanking me. I guess I'm just a little angry at him. So I deleted him.
Author wonderingwhathappene Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 Here's a question for you: If married man contacted you, said he was coming to town for something and would like to 'catch up', would you go? Would you sleep with him if he initiated it? What's completely ironic about ALL of this.... I believe in karma. I don't want to break a marriage. I was not even jealous of his wife. Definitely wouldn't meet him. That's shady. I just miss our email chats. Maybe you're right, maybe I was just trying to make him jealous. And it didn't work. He stopped talking to me.
NJtoDC Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 "Maybe you're right, maybe I was just trying to make him jealous. And it didn't work. He stopped talking to me." Ya, the email seems manipulative if there was any consideration of the MM when you sent it. It backfired. But what did you hope would happen? It's a trail of breadcrumbs, but where does it lead? "You're right, maybe my interest him is purely romantic, but being far away from him, at least it can be limited to a friendship." This is naive at best. Do you really believe this?
NJtoDC Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Definitely wouldn't meet him. That's shady. I just miss our email chats. The email chats are shady too. Why not find new guys to talk to who are available? Would you email him as a friend if you were in a relationship? How do you think that would go over? Are you interested in finding a mate?
Author wonderingwhathappene Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 "Maybe you're right, maybe I was just trying to make him jealous. And it didn't work. He stopped talking to me." Ya, the email seems manipulative if there was any consideration of the MM when you sent it. It backfired. But what did you hope would happen? It's a trail of breadcrumbs, but where does it lead? "You're right, maybe my interest him is purely romantic, but being far away from him, at least it can be limited to a friendship." This is naive at best. Do you really believe this? What does MM mean? I just don't understand why he would delete and block from seeing my name in his chat list just because I used dreamboat as the middle initial of his subordinate... That seems kind of dramatic. He seems to have cut all contact with me. Maybe I wish he would just delete me and get it over with, he surely knows I deleted him from my friend list because he updates his every week.
Author wonderingwhathappene Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 The email chats are shady too. Why not find new guys to talk to who are available? Would you email him as a friend if you were in a relationship? How do you think that would go over? Are you interested in finding a mate? Men actually stare at me a lot. And I'm an adult, so I understand I must be physically attractive in a capacity. But after a while, it means nothing if it's just physical. With this guy, we actually had conversations and shared interests, so I was emotionally interested in him more than physically... Eventually I began to find him attractive. Us girls go for personality over looks most of the time. My last break up ended badly, and I'd sort of become numb to men. Until this one. I guess because it was a quasi-friendship. Some day I guess when I have moved on, it'd be nice to settle down.
NJtoDC Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 What does MM mean? I just don't understand why he would delete and block from seeing my name in his chat list just because I used dreamboat as the middle initial of his subordinate... That seems kind of dramatic. He seems to have cut all contact with me. Maybe I wish he would just delete me and get it over with, he surely knows I deleted him from my friend list because he updates his every week. MM means married man. It's one of the terms they use on the other woman board on loveshack. I would go do some reading over there. It may be enlightening to your current mindset. Deleting and blocking you on chat, for any reason, is not dramatic. You are hyper-focused on everything he does, and preoccupied with trying to guess what he is thinking. Moving cross country to get away from this potential affair was dramatic. The fact that he went NC with you is great. He is doing the honorable thing as a married man. This is also in your best interest. It's time to stop obsessing over this man. It's unhealthy for you. Honest question: Does this situation with the MM interfere with your living your life beyond moving cross country? Does this prevent you from moving forward toward a healthy relationship? Are you depressed? I wish you well.
Author wonderingwhathappene Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 MM means married man. It's one of the terms they use on the other woman board on loveshack. I would go do some reading over there. It may be enlightening to your current mindset. Deleting and blocking you on chat, for any reason, is not dramatic. You are hyper-focused on everything he does, and preoccupied with trying to guess what he is thinking. Moving cross country to get away from this potential affair was dramatic. The fact that he went NC with you is great. He is doing the honorable thing as a married man. This is also in your best interest. It's time to stop obsessing over this man. It's unhealthy for you. Honest question: Does this situation with the MM interfere with your living your life beyond moving cross country? Does this prevent you from moving forward toward a healthy relationship? Are you depressed? I wish you well. lol I live just fine. Everything is fine. This situation was just bothering me, because every time I log into my email, I see that he has me added... And when I tried to block him from having me added, I guess I can't bring myself to do it... Not depressed etc. No physiological issues etc. Just miss the correspondence. I don't need to be in a relationship to be a whole and happy person. I just miss talking to him.
NJtoDC Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 You are education and attractive. That will make it easier when you are ready to find a suitable mate. But after a while, it means nothing if it's just physical. Why is it just physical? What kind of relationships have you pursued? How did these relationships begin that are just physical? If you date with a purpose of looking for a mate hopefully you would not have sex with a man when it 'means nothing' and wait for the relationship to grow before taking it to the bedroom. If you hold off sex until the relationship is established and exclusive perhaps you wouldn't feel this way. Waiting a bit would also weed out guys who are looking for just sex. Unless you were looking for a purely physical relationship why did you sleep with the guys who you aren't serious with? It sounds like it is unfulfilling for you. It would be for me too.
Author wonderingwhathappene Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 You are education and attractive. That will make it easier when you are ready to find a suitable mate. But after a while, it means nothing if it's just physical. Why is it just physical? What kind of relationships have you pursued? How did these relationships begin that are just physical? If you date with a purpose of looking for a mate hopefully you would not have sex with a man when it 'means nothing' and wait for the relationship to grow before taking it to the bedroom. If you hold off sex until the relationship is established and exclusive perhaps you wouldn't feel this way. Waiting a bit would also weed out guys who are looking for just sex. Unless you were looking for a purely physical relationship why did you sleep with the guys who you aren't serious with? It sounds like it is unfulfilling for you. It would be for me too. No I'm saying, men find me physically attractive. It's how they first approach me. My interaction with this person were emotional, because it had to be. We were in a professional setting, so that's what caused me to find him physically appealing. My relationships have always been fulfilling and consummated. It's just the last relationship I had ended badly. Anyway, lol. Thanks for your advice. I will do my best to avoid noticing that he has still added me. But from what you've suggested, it's only because it's an ego boost, and not because he still cares about me in some kind of way?
Queen_Sophie_Anne Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 why do you care? He is MARRIED Find a different cute guy at school who is available and leave your professor alone. 1
NJtoDC Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 But from what you've suggested, it's only because it's an ego boost, and not because he still cares about me in some kind of way? What I am suggesting is that you not allow one more moment to consider what he thinks of you. No good can come of this, and this 'friendship' had caused you to uproot your life clear across the country. It's unhealthy and obsessive. I'd get help.
Author wonderingwhathappene Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 What I am suggesting is that you not allow one more moment to consider what he thinks of you. No good can come of this, and this 'friendship' had caused you to uproot your life clear across the country. It's unhealthy and obsessive. I'd get help. You're right. I guess I'll go on a date with this guy who works with us. He asked me a month ago but I told him I wasn't ready. It will be the right way to move forward. Thanks for your suggestion.
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