Is it over? Was he jealous?

[wonderingwhathappene]

In my last semester of my post-grad, I noticed one of my professors taking interest in me. Initially, I didn’t even notice him, nor think anything of him. Over time, I realized he showed me special attention.

 

Showering me with compliments, and I always caught him gazing at me. Sometimes we had staring matches and he never backed down. Other times I would catch him eyeing me. He even went as far as adding me to a social networking site. Something he had not done to any of the other students. I found it really astonishing, because I never flirted with him, or encouraged his behaviour .

 

So to distract myself from the fact he was a married man, I tried to take interest in his single colleague who also taught. The colleague was closer to my age, and I figured it better to flirt with someone who is single. Once the married prof noticed us smiling, and he walked over to both of us and asked the single work colleague about a girl. He repeatedly asked about the girl in such a way, it was almost to convey to me that the man I thought was single, was taken... I only found out recently, the guy was NOT taken, it was just his friend.

 

Out of curiosity, I asked a fellow student if she thought it was odd about this married professor's behavior towards me, since he was married. Well, word must have got out, because on our final day of presentations, he was distant towards me. The first time ever, he was talking about his wife, and completely avoiding me. Something he had never done, ever.

 

I felt kind of hurt, because this was the last day I’d see him. Finally, when he handed out business cards, he failed to give me one. I asked him why he didn’t, and he told me “since you added me on the *social networking site name*, you don’t need my card, do you?” I was embarrassed, because he was the one who added me, so I told him in front of the classmates,

“But you added me” And then he disputed this, replying

“No I didn’t, you added me” It went back and forth for a minute, and finally the post grad classmates said “It doesn’t matter you guys”. Then he confessed “yes I added you, because I saw your name in a list of people I might know”.

 

I felt really bad. He was acting almost mean towards me. It was night and day in comparison to the past four months. The next day, I felt bad for embarrassing him, and wrote him an email telling him that I had a crush on him during the semester, and thanked him for all his help, and told him regardless of the social networking site, to please keep in touch. As I suspected, he never replied. But all along, I saw that he had not deleted me off chat on the social networking site.

 

Some months later I emailed his single colleague asking if he'd be a reference for me. There was a really cool apprenticeship opportunity that had come up, and I truly felt I could get it if I had such a strong reference... The single colleague did write me a reference some weeks later, and I emailed him a thank you, calling him 'Dreamboat' and indicating I'd be in touch with him within the next couple of weeks.

I'm sure he must have forwarded it to the married one (since the married one owns the firm)... Literally 10 minutes later, the married one deleted me from his chat.

Since then, he has never come back online. He still has me added to the social networking site.

 

About two weeks later, I emailed the married one happy birthday... To which he never replied. I feel kind of bad, because I miss our friendship.

 

Last month, his company’s work was featured on a website, and I emailed him, suggesting his company to send their PR information to the article for some recognition. The next day I checked to see, and he had in fact sent his company’s PR team to add his company name to the article. Yet he failed to thank me for bringing it to his attention.

 

When he failed to thank me for bringing the article to his attention, I was furious, and deleted him from the social networking site. So now, only he has me added as a friend... He has cleaned his friends list a few times, and still has not deleted me. I know he still looks at the photos on my page, because they're viewable for public.

 

Is there a reason he has not deleted me? Do you think he will ever write to me again? I miss our friendship and am certain he did once have feelings for me.

[NJtoDC]

Nothing good can come of this, let it go and find something beneficial to spend your mental energies on. You want to maintain a 'friendship' with your married former professor? If he suddenly began flirting with you again would you sleep with this 'friend'?

[soccerrprp]

He's likely still interested. Why are you trying or involved with a married man? He's also likely a cheater. You want to be in a relationship with such a person?

[heartshaped]

Nothing good can come of this, let it go and find something beneficial to spend your mental energies on. You want to maintain a 'friendship' with your married former professor? If he suddenly began flirting with you again would you sleep with this 'friend'?

 

I agree with this and think you need to act more professional among colleagues or in this case, not necessarily colleagues, but people who could potentially help or hurt your career by writing references etc.

[Phantom888]

You should not even be corresponding with him. When I taught business school a few years back, a female student thought I was interested in her just because I encouraged her and made her feel smart. When she started becoming too friendly, I stayed away from her, as I was not about to risk my job over some small crush. He was smart to completely blocked you out of his life, as you really are too much of a risk to even be in contact.

[wonderingwhathappene]

Nothing good can come of this, let it go and find something beneficial to spend your mental energies on. You want to maintain a 'friendship' with your married former professor? If he suddenly began flirting with you again would you sleep with this 'friend'?

 

 

I have moved far away. I live in another state now. I live in California, and he lives in New York. Imoved from New York City to LA for the apprenticeship. That's the one I asked the single colleague to write me a reference letter for.

 

Really had to get away from the city BECAUSE of him. I miss him so much. We had so much in common.

[d0nnivain]

Is what over? Nothing started.

 

 

You need to learn to draw boundaries between professional & personal. Calling somebody a Dreamboat who wrote you a letter of reference is horrible breech of etiquette. You seem to be a walking invitation for sexual harassment.

 

 

Whether you are doing post-graduate work or are an 18 year old high school student you shouldn't flirt with your teachers.

[wonderingwhathappene]

You should not even be corresponding with him. When I taught business school a few years back, a female student thought I was interested in her just because I encouraged her and made her feel smart. When she started becoming too friendly, I stayed away from her, as I was not about to risk my job over some small crush. He was smart to completely blocked you out of his life, as you really are too much of a risk to even be in contact.

 

 

Then shouldnt he delete me from his social networking site? Why keep me on there if he wants nothing to do with me? Isn't it a strange coincidence that he only blocked and deleted me from chat 10 minutes after I sent that flirty email to his colleague?

 

It just feels like maybe I hurt his feelings.

[wonderingwhathappene]

He's likely still interested. Why are you trying or involved with a married man? He's also likely a cheater. You want to be in a relationship with such a person?

 

How is he interested in a friendship with me if he won't even correspond with me? I am not even talking to the single one anymore. Because there's no point. I just wanted to resume the friendship with this person. We had so much in common.

[d0nnivain]

the married guy may have wanted to get in your pants at some point. Then he acted like a junior high school when you started talking to his single (but apparently dating) colleague.

 

 

Be the mature person & unfriend him from your social media. Friendship is not advisable here unless your goal is to keep communicating with him until you can meet & then you can cry that he seduced you.

[NJtoDC]

I miss him so much. We had so much in common.

 

I don't understand your level of affection and wanting for this man. Am I correct in my assumption that you have never spent time alone or corresponded outside of the classroom beyond the couple emails you mention you sent (that were not replied to)? It sounds like an unhealthy infatuation.

 

You talk about him like a man you dated and fell in love with. Your level of emotion about this doesn't seem to fit with the situation. Any idea why that is? It doesn't sound healthy. You may want to talk to a therapist about this and see what's going on in your thoughts.

 

I wish you well!

[wonderingwhathappene]

the married guy may have wanted to get in your pants at some point. Then he acted like a junior high school when you started talking to his single (but apparently dating) colleague.

 

 

Be the mature person & unfriend him from your social media. Friendship is not advisable here unless your goal is to keep communicating with him until you can meet & then you can cry that he seduced you.

 

 

I have already deleted him from social media. He has not deleted me.

IE. I have removed him from MY friends list, he's kept me in his.

 

I just don't understand why he doesn't delete me and be done with it. He knows I now reside in California. He knows I have MOVED here. If he won't thank me for sending him articles featuring his company etc. why bother keeping me at all?

 

That's what I'm trying to understand from his point of view.

[wonderingwhathappene]

I don't understand your level of affection and wanting for this man. Am I correct in my assumption that you have never spent time alone or corresponded outside of the classroom beyond the couple emails you mention you sent (that were not replied to)? It sounds like an unhealthy infatuation.

 

You talk about him like a man you dated and fell in love with. Your level of emotion about this doesn't seem to fit with the situation. Any idea why that is? It doesn't sound healthy. You may want to talk to a therapist about this and see what's going on in your thoughts.

 

I wish you well!

 

LOL no we did talk a few times outside of the classroom...

I did not mention this.

Sometimes in chat, sometimes in person. We have mutual friends.

[Mascara]

Wow, you've built up an entire scenario over.... nothing. He has never once said he was interested. He has ignored every contact you've attempted. You're hanging all this on a few lingering glances and a Twitter add.

 

You analyse way too much. Forget about "but what about this, and what can this mean". It means nothing, and you're in danger of becoming obsessed.

[NJtoDC]

I wanted to add- it's additionally concerning and worth talking to a professional about why your emotions toward someone you have not even had a relationship with would cause you such trouble in your own mind (as he is avoiding you like the plague, even if he is facebook creeping) that you would move clear across the country to avoid him. If you haven't been in his company outside of class how does moving effect this?

 

Anyhow. Let's be honest with ourselves. What is a friendship? What is it you are looking for from this man? It is NOT a friendship.

 

Do you have any context with him outside of the looks at school, the add on social media (did you communicate there at all?) and the emails YOU sent? If so I would call it a possible emotional affair, not friendship. You are infatuated with him. He is married. What do you hope to gain here and do you think it is in your best interest or morally sound?

 

Best wishes!

[soccerrprp]

How is he interested in a friendship with me if he won't even correspond with me? I am not even talking to the single one anymore. Because there's no point. I just wanted to resume the friendship with this person. We had so much in common.

 

He keeps you as a friend when he could have deleted you. He may not be actively interested, but there is something keeping him from disconnecting with you entirely.

[wonderingwhathappene]

I wanted to add- it's additionally concerning and worth talking to a professional about why your emotions toward someone you have not even had a relationship with would cause you such trouble in your own mind (as he is avoiding you like the plague, even if he is facebook creeping) that you would move clear across the country to avoid him. If you haven't been in his company outside of class how does moving effect this?

 

Anyhow. Let's be honest with ourselves. What is a friendship? What is it you are looking for from this man? It is NOT a friendship.

 

Do you have any context with him outside of the looks at school, the add on social media (did you communicate there at all?) and the emails YOU sent? If so I would call it a possible emotional affair, not friendship. You are infatuated with him. He is married. What do you hope to gain here and do you think it is in your best interest or morally sound?

 

Best wishes!

 

I'm not that woman from Fatal Attraction... So you need to get off your high horse...

 

OF COURSE we used to communicate via email and chat. We ran into eachother a few times in person because we have mutual friends.

 

My god, the emails I SENT were AFTER i called his colleague a dreamboat in the thank you email for writing me a reference letter.

 

I've only ever sent two emails. One wishing him happy birthday, and the other like five months later was about his company being featured in a prominent newspaper.

 

When he didn't bother thanking me, I was offended and deleted him.

[NJtoDC]

He keeps you as a friend when he could have deleted you. He may not be actively interested, but there is something keeping him from disconnecting with you entirely.

 

I imagine the reason he still has her on his friends list, while he (seemingly contradictory) plays no contact is because he wants to tap it but if afraid of taking that step as a married man. It's gotta be a nice ego boost for a married man with a wandering eye to entertain the possibility of the cracked door to an affair with a former, younger student.

 

How do you feel about that OP?

[NJtoDC]

I'm not that woman from Fatal Attraction... So you need to get off your high horse...

 

OF COURSE we used to communicate via email and chat. We ran into eachother a few times in person because we have mutual friends.

 

My god, the emails I SENT were AFTER i called his colleague a dreamboat in the thank you email for writing me a reference letter.

 

I've only ever sent two emails. One wishing him happy birthday, and the other like five months later was about his company being featured in a prominent newspaper.

 

When he didn't bother thanking me, I was offended and deleted him.

 

 

OP- Calm yourself down. High horse? No. You came for advice and gave half the puzzle pieces. Is this 20 questions? If there is more information you want us to consider in your SOLICITATION of advice...provide it.

 

Giving half the story wastes our time. No reason to get pissy with us over it. Personally, I am not on a 'high horse'. I really do feel for you. How can we give sound advice without a sound picture.

 

Best wishes.

[wonderingwhathappene]

I imagine the reason he still has her on his friends list, while he (seemingly contradictory) plays no contact is because he wants to tap it but if afraid of taking that step as a married man. It's gotta be a nice ego boost for a married man with a wandering eye to entertain the possibility of the cracked door to an affair with a former, younger student.

 

How do you feel about that OP?

 

Now I feel offended.

So he's only keeping me there as an ego boost? Not because he would one day like to resume a friendship or correspondence?

[NJtoDC]

Now I feel offended.

So he's only keeping me there as an ego boost? Not because he would one day like to resume a friendship or correspondence?

 

Why are you feeling offended? This comment was not meant as any sort of slight against you. Many people would (and have and will continue to) argue in this thread that this is an bad scenario for you. This 'relationship' is inappropriate. As a married man he needs boundaries.

 

Let me ask you, what would a friendship with this man look like? What did you two chat and email about?

 

You haven't given a clear picture of this 'friendship' that you are asking advice about. So far, with the limited info, it doesn't look promising to anyone who's posted.

[wonderingwhathappene]

OP- Calm yourself down. High horse? No. You came for advice and gave half the puzzle pieces. Is this 20 questions? If there is more information you want us to consider in your SOLICITATION of advice...provide it.

 

Giving half the story wastes our time. No reason to get pissy with us over it. Personally, I am not on a 'high horse'. I really do feel for you. How can we give sound advice without a sound picture.

 

Best wishes.

 

Sorry I forgot to mention we actually used to communicate. Sometimes he would email me articles that were helpful for my project. He was just a sweet guy.

[soccerrprp]

Now I feel offended.

So he's only keeping me there as an ego boost? Not because he would one day like to resume a friendship or correspondence?

 

He's a married man. You are attractive. A former student. Moved clear across the country. Played staring games with one another. And you posted on LS, not I suspect, b/c you want to know if he is platonically interested, rather, if there is any romantic interest.

 

I mean, why would YOU be interested in having a platonic relationship with a married man thousands of miles away? Honestly, do YOU really believe that he is interested in having a friendship? Honestly....

[wonderingwhathappene]

Why are you feeling offended? This comment was not meant as any sort of slight against you. Many people would (and have and will continue to) argue in this thread that this is an bad scenario for you. This 'relationship' is inappropriate. As a married man he needs boundaries.

 

Let me ask you, what would a friendship with this man look like? What did you two chat and email about?

 

You haven't given a clear picture of this 'friendship' that you are asking advice about. So far, with the limited info, it doesn't look promising to anyone who's posted.

 

We talked about movies and film. He used to talk about how he was always stressed from work. etc. Like he would instantly unravel with me. Tell me how things were tough etc. It felt like he genuinely trusted me.

[NJtoDC]

Sorry I forgot to mention we actually used to communicate. Sometimes he would email me articles that were helpful for my project. He was just a sweet guy.

 

It's ok. I know it is hard not to take it personal when people have negative things to say about our choices and situations. Honestly, you are gonna get a lot of that here- because this situation is no good. Period.

 

Really though, I do care about your situation and would like you to see this sitiation more objectively. We are just strangers (some wise, some nut jobs) on the internet. I strongly advice seeking counseling to help you have a more balanced view of this situation, and anything else that may bother you in life!

 

Him emailing you articles is nice and all. Did he do that for his other students?