tunaluna Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 I saw all the text she texted him.... I told her from the git go of our relationship that I was not okay with her talking to her ex and she agreed. Well I recently saw they have been texting (25 text total) within 2 weeks. He is still madly in love with her and she says she doesn't like him. His text were super flirty but her were not but she would also text him first. She sent him a really long and what I would consider sweet happy birthday text. Am I over reacting? She agreed to not talk to him and she broke that promise. I am so upset. Link to post Share on other sites
NJtoDC Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 You had an agreement about how to handle the ex. She went back on that, so I would be pissed if I was you as well. At least her texts don't sound like they were shady. I would ask her why she's initiating contact with him after you two had an agreement. It's time for an open and honest discussion. I'm not sure what I would do in your shoes. To some people this is nothing to get all worked up about, but to others it crosses a line. I'm with you, if you are with me leave the past in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 If it was one text that said Happy Birthday & nothing more, I'd say you were over-reacting. 25 texts, when he is still in love with her & wants her back tells me she is playing both of you. Why do you want to be with somebody like that. No drama . . . just say since you broke our deal, your texts behind my back show me that you want him not me. I'm not going to stand in the way or let anybody treat me like 2nd best. Bye. Have a nice life. Link to post Share on other sites
vanek26 Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 Yeah man, it doesn't sound like she is going to cheat on you with him or anything like that, but she is definitely indulging in the attention he gives her and that's not a good sign. The fact that she initiates some conversations says it all. I wouldn't say to break up with her over it but it definitely creates some problems. And instead of not texting him anymore, she may just get better at hiding it from you. Link to post Share on other sites
NJtoDC Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 If it was one text that said Happy Birthday & nothing more, I'd say you were over-reacting. 25 texts, when he is still in love with her & wants her back tells me she is playing both of you. Why do you want to be with somebody like that. No drama . . . just say since you broke our deal, your texts behind my back show me that you want him not me. I'm not going to stand in the way or let anybody treat me like 2nd best. Bye. Have a nice life. I wonder if she may be attention seeking. Maybe she gets her kicks making sure the ex is pining over her. Maybe it validates her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 No drama . . . just say since you broke our deal, your texts behind my back show me that you want him not me. I'm not going to stand in the way or let anybody treat me like 2nd best. Bye. Have a nice life. Word to live by. If you let her do this to you then your just asking for huge heartache down the line. She made her choice. It wasn't you. Now you have to protect you and find a girl without these issues. I would do exactly as d0nnivain says. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
Author tunaluna Posted November 9, 2013 Author Share Posted November 9, 2013 Its the fact that she promised she wouldn't talk to him. I dont think she had any intensionsof chatting but its the fact that she broke a promise, instagated conversation with him and sent him a long happy b'day text. Link to post Share on other sites
NJtoDC Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 Its the fact that she promised she wouldn't talk to him. I dont think she had any intensionsof chatting but its the fact that she broke a promise, instagated conversation with him and sent him a long happy b'day text. The question from here is: Do you end things or draw a line in the sand (again). I'm not sure I would end things on the weight of this one issue, because though it crossed an agreed upon line it doesn't seem to have been meant as more than a platonic message. Depending on how my partner responded to my questions of why they went back on our agreement I would respond in one of two ways. One, if my partner seems oblivious to the reason the messages were not ok with me I might reiterate why I feel the way I do and reiterate my expectations, and make it clearly a deal breaker from here forward. That's if I am invested in the relationship and trust them besides this crossed line. Two, if they want to argue about it or brush my feelings off- they are not for me. They can move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tunaluna Posted November 9, 2013 Author Share Posted November 9, 2013 She tried to justify texting him... Which pissed me off more. She's texted me that she was sorry, that she screwed up, that she needs me. :/ idk what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
AHaze Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 (edited) Disloyal, Dishonest. Enough said. She just disregarded the 2 absolute most important ingredients for a functioning relationship... ignore and forget her for the rest of eternity, find somebody loyal and honest. Edited November 9, 2013 by AHaze Link to post Share on other sites
NJtoDC Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 She tried to justify texting him... Which pissed me off more. She's texted me that she was sorry, that she screwed up, that she needs me. :/ idk what to do. How long have you been together and how serious are you two? What did she say? Something like this? "I don't see what the big deal is. We don't hate each other. We are just friends. It's not like we usually talk. It was his birthday for crying out load! I never texted him besides now." Link to post Share on other sites
Author tunaluna Posted November 9, 2013 Author Share Posted November 9, 2013 Been dating for 7ish months. Ahh I would consider it serious. Yeah said she was just trying to be nice by texting him HBday and texting him in general. Link to post Share on other sites
NJtoDC Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 (edited) Been dating for 7ish months. Ahh I would consider it serious. Yeah said she was just trying to be nice by texting him HBday and texting him in general. I've been in your shoes with someone who's ideas of boundaries were different than mine. That was not to say his were wrong or mine right. But you need to be in agreement, which you had done. It can be a tough spot when they really just don't get the more conservative boundaries we hold and have different ideas about friendships with ex's- particularly when we don't think our SO has any intention of cheating on us or is harboring feelings for that ex. Best luck whatever you decide. You can hold your line, adjust your line, she can agree to respect your line, or you can end things. You guys could also compromise on how often, what context, and on what occasions contact is ok. It's tough- this situation seems rather benign but it crosses your lines of principle, relationship boundaries and your agreement. Edited November 9, 2013 by NJtoDC Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 Well its obvious what you need to do. I guess you don't want that or like that answer but if you don't now then it will only be harder later when shes left you for him. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
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