Nygirl22 Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Hi. Me and boyfriend broke up 3 weeks ago today. I kissed another guy in a drunken state and told him right away. he wasnted NOTHING to do with me would not answer the phone, text messages, etc. The more he blew me off the more I tried to get in touch with him. Well he finally called me monday and said you wanna talk talk and i tried and he would get SO mad and yell, tell me I need help (whenever I drink there is a problem) I drink to loosen up in soial events not at home alone everynight. as he said I do not have a drinking problem when I drink there is a problem, which is so true between us we fight when i drink. I would never drink again if it meant we could be together. anyway he was yelling and i basically just listened and then we hung up and he said good luck. I am so sad...i am so upset I hurt him when I love him SO much. I really did not get to say anything on the phone so I wrote a 5 page letter just telling him everything i felt and how i love him and am sorry. i mailed it monday ...well monday night he left me a message saying he was sorry for yelling he is just really hurt and he is so sorry he sis not mean to yell he just is really hurty ..that was his message...knowing i mailed the letter i have not called him back...he had to have gotten it but has not called to acknowledge it. do you think he will call? should i call him and tell him i understand why he yelled because I do, i try and put myself in his shoes and i know i would be so hurt and angry but the love i feel for him would eventually make me forgive him. I am ust so confused. sorry this is so long And I hope you can undersand it...just so confused and said.
Weird Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Just give him a little time and he SHOULD come around if he cares for you. As for you...maybe you should think about not drinking anymore if you always do something stupid when you're drunk. That is a sign you aren't mature enough (sadly, most people aren't mature enough to drink) to drink yet despite what your age might say.
Afool4him Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 I feel so bad hearing your story. I know a lot of people that can be "angry" drunks. What I suggest is just to give it time, by telling him that you are going to change & stop drinking, is not showing him...Actions speak louder than words... AND constantly hounding him is not going to make him come running back. You both need time and you need to give him time to COOL OFF...You can just tell by the way he blew up at you... And remember that if he didn't care about you, he wouldn't be angry & he wouldn't want you to hurt yourself by drinking so much...Also it takes another person to make one reevaluate their life...Just because you are not an alcoholic, doesn't mean you don't have a drinking problem...If drinking effects you that much, don't do it... Like I said give him some space & some time, meanwhile work on yourself & most of all Good Luck!
bebop Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Try to see things from his point of view - unless I missed it you don't mention how long you've been together - if it's a relatively new relationship he may be trying to assess whether or not your drinking is problem drinking. If one partner is not a substance-abuser and the other is, or is perceived to be, it's an issue in the relationship. Too, if someone is not necessarily a problem drinker, but their behavior while drinking is problematic, that's a legitimate and serious issue as well.
Author Nygirl22 Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 Thank you for your replies. We have been together for 5 years. He use to have a drug problem that he hid from me and we broke up and i thought i was to blame he came around 9 months later saying he needed help and he knew i was the one to help him..i took him back and he told me i saved his life. I am not an angry drunk. I thought a lot about it and the reason I drink is because I am insecure and when i drink i becaome so outgoing and would do and say whatever without question. I sought of becaome the person I want to be..if that makes sense. I say stupid stuff to him and it cause a fight, but he ends things..we never fight and it is an argument and we talk about it. Well this time I understand , i knoew the one thing he would never want me to do I did and it is the one thing I really thought I would never do..in a way I hit bottom and it made me open my eyes and see what i have, what i want and the person i want to be, more importantly the person I do not want to be. I was hoping the letter would make him see how sorry I was and maybe he would com around..I love him so much and with the holidays coming and knowing we were supposed to spend them together makes my heart ache so bad. But i knoe the feeling I have he must have that mush worse since I hurt him. I am giving him space i have not called called him or talked to him since Monday which is long for me. I just want to know that there is hope for us and not knowing what he thinks is really killing me.
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