theedge Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Hey all, I find this a bit weird about my girlfriend. We have been together 3 months now. When we 1st started dating/relationship she wasn't huge on saying/typing things like "I miss you" I am thinking about you" I have no problems doing it and a short while after dating I would end all communication with one or the other. It took a bit but she started following suit. For me, I just love hearing it. She would never say it unless I said it in an e-mail 1st. I would always e-mail her from work in the morning and with out fail I would have an e-mail back in 30 minutes. I am the type that always responds in a quick time frame. Anyway, recently I have noticed I would sent an e-mail in the morning the response time has ballooned. Instead of the 30 minutes it would take before, its jumped to anywhere from 3 hours to 7 hours. The length of her responses also started becoming shorter and shorter. I think since together she has intaited an e-mail twice. Also recently I noticed that the response in closing changed from "I miss you too" "Im thinking about you too" to "I will talk to you later" I know sounds needy of me Ha ha, I am not really worried just curious. Of course when I get things like long response times or "I will talk to you later" closings I would say she is busy. When it 1st started happening I would say you must have been busy today and she would reply with "Not at all, I was done my work at 11:30" So obviously its not lack of time. So I conducted a bit of an experiment. The last week or so, instead of sending an e-mail when I get in to work, I leave it till later. I think out of the week it was the 1st time she wrote wondering where I was. Decided to change up the "I miss you" to "I will talk to you later" Now the thing is since doing this I have now gotten "I miss you" "I am thinking about you" I am sure from my post here I sound needy and hurt, but really I am not. I am just curious as to why people think its like this. Does it sound like some little game? Again though the way her and I are I am not worried she is loosing interest. I am very affectionate and I just wonder if I come on too strong and there for she isn't waiting in anticipation. To a degree I would like to find ways to keep things exciting and interesting though. Do you loveshackers sometimes change things up to make things interesting?
alphamale Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by theedge Does it sound like some little game? Again though the way her and I are I am not worried she is loosing interest. I am very affectionate and I just wonder if I come on too strong and there for she isn't waiting in anticipation. To a degree I would like to find ways to keep things exciting and interesting though. Yes THEEDGE: it is a game, and one you should get used to playing cause you'll be doing it for the rest of your life. She IS losing interest man. Why do you contact her daily? That is ridiculous. There is no need to email or call every day. Do it every other day or twice a wk. She is becoming bored and now you need to make her chase you so you should make yourself less available. If you've only been dating 3 months you should be seein g each other once or twice per week and no more and talking on phone or email once or twice per wk. remember the saying "familiarity breeds contempt"
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Those are the kinds of games that always end with a bang: when it blows up in your face. The best thing to do when you are curious about why someone is acting the way they do is ask. You won't know for sure until you do. Things really get interesting when couples play games and their intentions/motivations get misinterpreted. No one wants to be with someone who is constantly testing them, second guessing their affections, or playing tricks on them "to see what they will do". There are better ways of keeping it interesting than trickery.
alphamale Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia No one wants to be with someone who is constantly testing them, second guessing their affections, or playing tricks on them "to see what they will do". There are better ways of keeping it interesting than trickery. Dear LucreziaB: Women are the MASTERS at doing the above to men. Women wrote the manual on this krap. Most women when you confront them with questions will not tell you the real deal and beat around the bush and be indirect. Women test, second guess and play tricks on men all the time, constantly, daily. It is part of female nature but you do not call this "games". Of course it is games. All I say is that men should learn to play these "games" also so the playing field is even. Why women watch soap operas???? These shows are full of "games"
GreenCap Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 I agree and disagree with the views posted. It is not a game but see it as ways to revitalize a relationship. Like theedge, I am consistent and constant, because i was trying to demonstrate reliability. But things became routine/rut-like that she just stopped loving me. I confess that there are more things than that but keeping things exciting paves way for communication and understanding. Learn from my follies.
alphamale Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by GreenCap It is not a game but see it as ways to revitalize a relationship. Like theedge, I am consistent and constant, because i was trying to demonstrate reliability. But things became routine/rut-like that she just stopped loving me. I confess that there are more things than that but keeping things exciting paves way for communication and understanding. Learn from my follies. Your are correct GREENCAP: Once the relationship becomes boring or not interesting anymore many women will split. you have to keep it new, fresh, interesting and not let things get stale. This is what it means when people say to work on your relationship everyday. Once you stop doing the work you are finished. And "games" are part of the work. Don't look at these "games" as negative, look at them as positive.
fundamental Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Take alpha male's advice....she is losing interest. Let her be the one to tell her how much she misses you. Never tell her how much you miss her...or if you do, use it sparingly not every day. You have the right intentions with what you are saying, but you don't want to sound too needy. Originally posted by alphamale Yes THEEDGE: it is a game, and one you should get used to playing cause you'll be doing it for the rest of your life. She IS losing interest man. Why do you contact her daily? That is ridiculous. There is no need to email or call every day. Do it every other day or twice a wk. She is becoming bored and now you need to make her chase you so you should make yourself less available. If you've only been dating 3 months you should be seein g each other once or twice per week and no more and talking on phone or email once or twice per wk. remember the saying "familiarity breeds contempt"
kanga Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 What if it's the girl who writes "I miss you" or calls everyday, etc? Will the boy also get bored with the relationship? Or is this a girl thing?
fundamental Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 Originally posted by kanga What if it's the girl who writes "I miss you" or calls everyday, etc? Will the boy also get bored with the relationship? Or is this a girl thing? kanga, I don't think it has to do with boredom. I feel it has to do with becoming so used to something that it's hard to get excited each and every time. So, when the attention giver sees the attention receiver not responding anymore, he/she starts to panic. The receiver won't react because he/she receives the attention/too much attention every day. Even though the receiver may still have strong feelings, he/she will disregard the attention. When the attenion giver gives attention sparingly, the receiver becomes excited because it doesn't feel like a routine thing. I guess if it becomes routine, it can lead to boredom....hmmm.... it can go either way, the guy or the girl receiving excessive attention might become bored.
kanga Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 i see. this makes solid sense. moderation is truly the best thing for everything.
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