Hcar2 Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Hello All I thought I might ask some of you experts for some advice.. I am so confused about my situation.. Ill try to be brief so not to bore you all.. Basically, my boyfriend and I broke up coming up 4 months ago now. It was very unexpected for me.. We had been together for 7 years, he said that he wasn't happy. Now I have to confess that I've had a tough 12 months previous to this and had lost my way considerably. Looking back I can barely recognise myself. I was horrid, and pushed him away. I was heartbroken as you can imagine, but I left him alone the best I could. (Of course he knew that I loved him and wanted him back) He is not from around here and moved down to live with me some time ago, he hasn't gone home. As the weeks passed we chatted bits and bobs.. Always enjoying our chats, he would come over and walk our dogs, he would say it was nice to see me. He said his head was a mess, he didn't know what he wanted. So I thought I'd back off and give Him space. He's 28 so thought he wanted to be sure about our future. Well... I think I've given him too much he has started seeing someone that we both knew.. A friends sister. It started as a drunken kiss that he got a lot of stick for from our mutual friends he was still hanging around with (This girl is not his type and I know you will think I would say this but she's not very nice, she is also very much enjoying this situation and the drama it's creating!) when I found out, he was very upset and apologised still saying he didn't know what he wanted, so I still gave him space, concentrating on myself. As time has gone on he has carried on seeing her, about once a week at the weekend. He has lost his friend network down here as they were my friends, when I have seen him, we still have great chemistry, I really feel he still loves me. I'm worried he feels 'he's made his bed' with this girl. We banter about things as we used to.. And he says he still cares for me.. Telling someone he'll 'always love me' I honestly thought he was the one. I'm so upset, I can't seem to get over him. If I ever have to contact him he replies straight the way, the longest we haven't spoken is 2 weeks. Someone suggested that I ask him to do something, so I mentioned it might be nice to take the dogs somewhere, he said it was a lovely idea but 'it didn't feel right at the moment' I didn't argue just accepted it, I was upset to begin with, but someone told me he still must have feelings for him to feel anything. I just don't know what to do, he hasn't moved away, we still get on despite everything, and I feel we could get through all of this. But I'm so stuck as to what to do. I don't know if no contact would work now he is seeing someone else. So sorry for going on, would be very grateful to hear similar stories or experiences. Just love and miss him very much. He was my best friend. Xxx
strive Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 The first and biggest thing wrong with this is you keep contact with him. Go NO CONTACT right now. If you're always there for him he'll never fully realize what it is to lose you. What you're doing is weaning him slowly away from you. He needs to find himself and clear his head. Let him. And he can't do that if you're there. Even if it means he has to date other girls. In the mean time focus on YOU. It's all about you now and what you have to do to detach yourself from this situation. Don't let him make you his safety net. Live your own life without him and find your own happiness without him. After that you might even realize that you don't want him anymore. Oh, and stop fixating on the other girl! 1
d0nnivain Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Your relationship is broken & over. He is employing an age old tactic of getting under somebody else in order to get over you. That doesn't mean he wants you back. You have to move on. The best way to do that is NC. Cut him out of social media. Block his phone # & delete it from your speed dial. Find other ways of keeping yourself busy. After 7 years the next few months are going to be torture because it's the holidays & you are going to be acutely aware of his absence from your life. Try to surround yourself with supportive friends & family. Exercise. Keep yourself busy. 1
Honour14 Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Hi, I knew how hard its to get settled mentally & look after things further. I also was in love for 7 years and the person who thought as my world left me just like that, 1 month back. she simply replied that she was not interested in our relationship anymore. These type of guys doesnt feel abt the density of relationship or doesnt care about the feelings of another soul (like u & me) but take decisions for their selfishness. There are great peoples around here who can heel your pain & suggest you better. Trust me.. i almost saw hell, attempted suicide & now i am back into my life & decided further to move on instead of worrying for an selfish animal. Keep the following pills in mind to get rid of this... (it worked for me better) --> Go NC - Stop all contacts as far as possible --> Even though you worry for him, dont reflect it in your physical mannerism. Just hide it & be casual infront of him --> You didnt do any wrong & you was true in your relationship. He was the man who missed out the golden apple --> Dont consider him as a living thing, neglect him & try to be casual infront of him, better concentrate in a new relationship, this might sound crazy but will surely make him upset / make him to notice you deeply --> Dress very pretty, be more impressive, do things what he loves from you but dont consider him. Avoid him. this will hurt him the most than your words or any of your expressions. Silence & avoidance is the biggest weapon for you. Sure either he will come back to you or you will gain self-esteem to walk better & move on
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