luvsadrummer Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 I'm feeling pretty good that I've just entered the 3rd month of NC, having never broken it once. My exMM has been completely deleted from my contacts, except email, and because he initiated NC, I have no desire to break it. But I do still miss him, and sometimes curiosity does get to me and last night, it got to me. I'm glad it did.... Last night, I started wondering if there are other ways to check on my exMM, without contacting him.... so I did a Google search on his name. He has a fairly uncommon name so the first page of the search results were entirely devoted to him, and not some other guy with the same name. Everything that showed up on that first page were things I already knew about. Mostly things relating to his career. But the 2nd page was the shocker. At the bottom of the search results, he was listed as a member of the dating website.... Meetville. REALLY?? My exMM had been hitting dating websites? Wow! But the weirdest thing was that I actually WASN'T surprised to see him listed there. I always had a weird suspicion that he was actively looking for women to meet.... and even to date, even while married, yes, during our EA. I can't explain why I had that feeling. Maybe it was in the way he actively pursued me, almost aggressively. So now, I now longer think that I am the devil for getting caught up in an EA with him. I was just his prey. My rose colored glasses are off! Now I see he is the devil! Sure, when it came to our EA, he chose to go back to his BS... apparently, because wifey caught on. But I no longer believe he did it because he suddenly saw the light and is now a 'Saint' trying to save his precious marriage. I now can see he is only interested in saving his own skin... and when it all blows over, I'm pretty sure he'll be back up to his old tricks again. I don't think he values his marriage. I don't think he even cares or feels much for his BS. She's probably wearing rose colored glasses thinking there's something worth savaging there. But I'm afraid she's in for more pain and disappointment because he's simply not happy, and he's been on the hunt... and will be again, once the dust settles after our dday. I'm sitting here wondering what to do with this information. His BS sent me a message on dday asking me for my side of the story, and I never responded to her. I'm wondering if I should simply send her the link that lists her H as a member of a dating website? If I were in her shoes, I think I'd want to know about it. Maybe she already has an idea. I suspect he has strayed before based on some of his actions while in our EA. And I doubt he is done straying. What would you do? Does she deserve to know?
Lemonitaz Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Considering his profile came up on a google search, maybe she is already aware? If it were me and I had the wife's email address, I would probably email her the link to the page but not let her know the email was from me.
whichwayisup Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 I say let it go. You've done 3 months of NC and you took it upon yourself to go digging into his life by googling and of course you found stuff online. You kind of brought it on yourself. I'm not defending him and chances are he IS up to no good but just because you see his name on a dating site doesn't mean he actually IS on it. It could be a buddy of his, or someone else by the same name. . I'm wondering if I should simply send her the link that lists her H as a member of a dating website? If I were in her shoes, I think I'd want to know about it. Maybe she already has an idea. I suspect he has strayed before based on some of his actions while in our EA. And I doubt he is done straying. So, you didn't answer any of questions about your affair with him when she reached out to you .. Why? Yet NOW you want her to know (bolded) because you're mad at him for going on a dating site and you doubt he's done straying. Honestly, it isn't unfair of you to send her that link now after you ignored her before? To not confess your side of things, apologize for your part in the affair but you're willing to blow things up again just to give her a link to a website he *may* be on? You've been out of his life for 3 months so you really don't know the state of their marriage, you can assume all you want. She may already know of that site. 1
whichwayisup Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Considering his profile came up on a google search, maybe she is already aware? If it were me and I had the wife's email address, I would probably email her the link to the page but not let her know the email was from me. See, this is cowardly and cruel. She had an affair with this man and his wife reached out to her, wanted her side of what happened and luv chose not to respond. It's passive to just send an annon. link to his wife, if she truly feels bad and wants to do the right thing and clear her conscious, apologize etc, then she needs to face this woman head on and deal with this maturely and own her part in it. People make choices and have consquences. She wants exMM to suffer consquences but she doesn't want any consquences for her choices by having an A with this woman's husband.
d0nnivain Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 I'd just leave it alone. IT's not healthy for you to be wrapped up in his life. Chuckle to yourself that you now have evidence about what a philandering louse he is. Be grateful he's not your problem any more & move on. 3
Ladydrib Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 I'm feeling pretty good that I've just entered the 3rd month of NC, having never broken it once. My exMM has been completely deleted from my contacts, except email, and because he initiated NC, I have no desire to break it. But I do still miss him, and sometimes curiosity does get to me and last night, it got to me. I'm glad it did.... Last night, I started wondering if there are other ways to check on my exMM, without contacting him.... so I did a Google search on his name. He has a fairly uncommon name so the first page of the search results were entirely devoted to him, and not some other guy with the same name. Everything that showed up on that first page were things I already knew about. Mostly things relating to his career. But the 2nd page was the shocker. At the bottom of the search results, he was listed as a member of the dating website.... Meetville. REALLY?? My exMM had been hitting dating websites? Wow! But the weirdest thing was that I actually WASN'T surprised to see him listed there. I always had a weird suspicion that he was actively looking for women to meet.... and even to date, even while married, yes, during our EA. I can't explain why I had that feeling. Maybe it was in the way he actively pursued me, almost aggressively. So now, I now longer think that I am the devil for getting caught up in an EA with him. I was just his prey. My rose colored glasses are off! Now I see he is the devil! Sure, when it came to our EA, he chose to go back to his BS... apparently, because wifey caught on. But I no longer believe he did it because he suddenly saw the light and is now a 'Saint' trying to save his precious marriage. I now can see he is only interested in saving his own skin... and when it all blows over, I'm pretty sure he'll be back up to his old tricks again. I don't think he values his marriage. I don't think he even cares or feels much for his BS. She's probably wearing rose colored glasses thinking there's something worth savaging there. But I'm afraid she's in for more pain and disappointment because he's simply not happy, and he's been on the hunt... and will be again, once the dust settles after our dday. I'm sitting here wondering what to do with this information. His BS sent me a message on dday asking me for my side of the story, and I never responded to her. I'm wondering if I should simply send her the link that lists her H as a member of a dating website? If I were in her shoes, I think I'd want to know about it. Maybe she already has an idea. I suspect he has strayed before based on some of his actions while in our EA. And I doubt he is done straying. What would you do? Does she deserve to know? If she came to me, yes I would have answered and would have been honest. In fact, in my story she did come to me and I did just that. In your story, the BS might want to actually take action if your story did not match his. In my case the BS chose to not do anything so I'm not sure why she wanted to torture herself by hearing about so many more lies, but regardless I think if someone has found out, and THEY go to you, that the best thing at that point is to go ahead and tell them the truth. But it sounds like you got this request three months ago. She will wonder why you are responding now and she is likely already into the healing process, so at this point in time I would stay away from her unless she comes back to you. If she comes back you should tell her the truth. 1
curiousGeorge2 Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Hard to say. In my yahoo email account I received tons of ad from dating agencies, and sometimes I clicked on them by mistake or curiosity. On the other hand, by thinking about the bad things he probably has done, you will recover much quicker. At least in my experience. 1
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