I cheated but believe my husband's infidelity is worse

[dreamingoftigers]

I find the "his affair was worse" way of thinking to be very odd indeed.

 

It's like comparing Ebola with AIDS. (Well before they gad the anti-retro-viral drugs) You're both going to die, and it's going to be unpleasant.

 

Plus, it's a dumb argument to have in your last days when you could be trying to either have a nice time with one another or going to find someone else to have a nice time with.

 

Granted you don't have Ebola or AIDS (hopefully, get tested though). However no one does get out of this life alive. Given that, and given that you don't trust him.....where is it you want to go?

 

Do you want to give a shot at the marriage or no?

Or don't know yet?

 

Not sure if this is a dealbreaker?

 

What do you want to see? From yourself? From him?

 

You've both torn up the contract. Now what?

[Woggle]

Cheating is cheating. You were both equally wrong.

[BHsigh]

but I still feel his cheating was worse for the following reason:

 

His affair may have went further than yours, however at this point in time (since finding out about his) your affair is the worst one by far for the following reason:

 

You're still hiding yours from him.

 

The "degrees" of cheating do not apply in your case, you both cheated intentionally and with the thought of what you were doing. Once you admit to him what had happened then you'll be on equal grounds.

 

If you had admitted your affair right after it had happened, out of guilt or regret or whatever, then you would possibly be correct that his is the worst, but you blew that chance.

[Million.to.1]

I just h0pe 0p's c0nfessi0n d0esn't g0,,,, "I did this,, but Y0U did THIS!"

[BHsigh]

I just h0pe 0p's c0nfessi0n d0esn't g0,,,, "I did this,, but Y0U did THIS!"

 

 

A million to 1 that it will..........Ok, bad pun, but I would have to agree with you.

[mack25]

I love this thread. She is splitting hairs. I personally think that oral sex is more intimate than intercourse. What a hypocrite-the worst kind of cheater. kARMA

[jnj express]

Not only have you cheated, physically, but you have been cheating on him for SEVEN YEARS, by lying by OMMISSION, that is cheating, whether you wanna hear it or not.

 

Your oral sex, and lip locking can be just as bad as vaginal penetration----bottom line THEY ARE ALL PART OF PHYSICAL SEX AND A PHYSICAL AFFAIR

 

You have a right to come down on your H, for his cheating---but you certainly better not act with any kind of attitude---cuz you are just as bad, if not worse than he is

 

Where this mge goes, when you finally tell the TRUTH---who knows!!!!!!

[Oberfeldwebel]

I suggest that before you confess that you decide what you want to do and have a plan on how to move forward. Regardless of if you want to divorce or reconcile you will be in a better position that way. Be prepared that he will not be a happy camper, and will most likely rage. Try your best to keep composed and be the calm in the storm. Keep responses short and to the point. In the end, both of you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

[Grumpybutfun]

。.。:.* ♪♫•*¨*•.¸☆* ❤ *☆¸.•*¨*•♫♪ *.: .。。

 

My apologies for this brief t/j everyone:

 

Is your signature a musical free composition of your own Million?

 

Thankyou everyone, I had to ask!

 

Either that or someone has lost their o button off their keyboard. Hey, it happens.

G

[road]

I just h0pe 0p's c0nfessi0n d0esn't g0,,,, "I did this,, but Y0U did THIS!"

 

 

Yes there is no place for score keeping.

[almond]

The pain of the deceit, the lies and the betrayal of your union is present in both instances - neither is worse than the other.

 

You say he wouldn't have stopped if you didn't catch him, but you carried on for only a few weeks less than he did, and only stopped because you didn't love this guy, you only "liked him."

 

Nitpicking about who did what exactly is immature and counterproductive. You betrayed each others' trust and ventured outside of your marriages to get your needs met instead of working through it together - plain and simple. You both screwed up royally, and equally. You may not be able to come back from this.

 

I find it odd that you are worried about coming clean with your affair simply because it may alleviate some of the guilt he is carrying due to his own. Do you not understand that this will likely crush him? How did it feel for you to find out that he had been intimate with someone else? You really think that this will make him feel better? I have a feeling that any remorse that you show will be false, and that he may catch on to this. Minimizing your own behaviour by bringing up his poor behaviour (which happened after you did the same thing) is not conducive to personal or relationship growth or healing. Unless you change your attitude, this won't work out.

 

Oh my. I suggest that you both take a break, and sort your schytt out. Marriage counseling is also another option you could consider if you do decide to try to repair this. Either way, you guys have some serious work to do on yourselves, as well as your very damaged relationship.

 

To be honest, your logic in your posts here indicate some issues within yourself - individual counseling may help aid you in obtaining a more balanced and less self-centered perspective, which would serve you, and those around you, well.

 

Good luck.

Edited November 10, 2013 by almond

[BeholdtheMan]

I still feel his cheating was worse

 

we did stuff with our cams, had made out several times and at most he went down on me but no sex and it only lasted 2 months while my husband's cheating involved everything for nearly 5 months.

LOL, you're really splitting hairs here.

 

You got naked in front of a webcam for OM, you made out with OM, you let OM lick your vagina (and you probably sucked his penis)...yeah, I wouldn't say the above behaviour is somehow more innocent than intercourse. It's just as bad.

 

You both had very intimate sexual contact with people outside your marriage. You're both cheaters. Quit deluding yourself into thinking that you're somehow less guilty.

 

Part of me wants to tell him what happened but then he's probably going to use that against me and not feel remorse anymore. Should I just let him work it out and just continue keeping my guilt?

If the situation were reversed (you just got busted by your husband for cheating), would you want to know whether he has had prior affairs? I'm guessing yes.

[janedoe67]

Honey, I am a FWW, and I can tell you that you do not get it.

 

It really ISN'T a who did what act competition. That is like saying my murder by strangling is not as bad as your murder by shooting.

 

Take your husband off the table and look at yourself - only yourself. Look in the mirror, remind yourself of your vows, and ask yourself honestly if you were keeping them when you cammed and used your mouth on a man other than your husband. THAT is your responsibility. His A is his.

 

Humility - it's a great and very underused word these days. Look it up.