ltjg45 Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 As anyone who have read my posts, I am a 27 year old dating noob. No dates, no relationships, nothing at this point. I am sure the women around me can see that and that hurts my chances of getting a date even more. 3 days ago, I went to a wine tasting event. First time I ever got drunk or been in a social event since I turned 18. Needless to say, there was around 3 white women that I had interest in but didn't approach since I found out later they are smokers, which is a deal breaker for me. After realizing that, I can see that my dating pool is pitifully small. If my requests for a partner is a non smoker and one with little or no tattoos that I am attracted to, there is hardly anyone around with them. Even worse, the 2 women that I got the closest to a relationship is both foreign women. One was bipolar and took advantage of me and the second would have dated me if she didn't already have a boyfriend, which I have met in person. Any attempt trying to ask out an American woman has failed miserably. Lastly, while I did get constant positive interest from 2 female coworkers that I have some attraction to, the issue is that one is currently pregnant while the 2nd is a mother of two. This isn't counting whether or not they really do have interest in me as they are just being friendly with me. It just so happens they are more friendly to me than they are to others. I am already 27. Over half of my 20s is gone, I am still a virgin in the hook up culture, and apparently I was born at the wrong time and in the wrong country. I also have a hard time thinking it will get any better in the near future. Should I just stop bothering looking, save up for a trip to a foreign country in a year or two, and see whether or not there is anything left to salvage from this mess?
Els Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Actually, yes, I think you should. Not so much because of the girls, but because you will benefit immensely from going out and seeing a world beyond America. 4
FitChick Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Even if you don't meet the love of your life abroad, when you come back you will be a much more interesting and sophisticated person than most other people who barely venture beyond their back yards.
Author ltjg45 Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 Well, at least I know what I need to aim for. Thanks everyone. It's sad that I still need direction at my age.
Larry Walker Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 (edited) Why do people keep saying you have to go abroad to meet foreign women? That is a complete myth. There are millions of them here already on VISAs if you live in a good location. Florida shouldn't be a problem, go meet some Latinas. They are great, their attitudes are feminine unlike American woman, they can cook and will have awesome meals waiting for you every day and they are brought up right in good families. I married one and yes I could get western women, I just didn't want them. You get tired of the BS eventually. As long as you know a little game and can weed out the gold diggers (they come in all races unfortunately). Edited November 9, 2013 by Larry Walker
Author ltjg45 Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 Why do people keep saying you have to go abroad to meet foreign women? That is a complete myth. There are millions of them here already on VISAs if you live in a good location. Florida shouldn't be a problem, go meet some Latinas. They are great, their attitudes are feminine unlike American woman, they can cook and will have awesome meals waiting for you every day and they are brought up right in good families. I married one and yes I could get western women, I just didn't want them. You get tired of the BS eventually. As long as you know a little game and can weed out the gold diggers (they come in all races unfortunately). Well, I would love to give that a shot but there is two issues with that. The first one is that if a foreign woman lives in this toxic country long enough, they too will be just like them. I seen that firsthand. The second issue is just finding them for dating. I am one of the dumbest when it comes to knowing stuff like this and I been here all 27 years of my life.
Larry Walker Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Well, I would love to give that a shot but there is two issues with that. The first one is that if a foreign woman lives in this toxic country long enough, they too will be just like them. I smeen that firsthand. The second issue is just finding them for dating. I am one of the dumbest when it comes to knowing stuff like this and I been here all 27 years of my life. My wife has been here 6 years and she has not changed. It's not true that they will turn into American women. Get a foreign woman from a small village who grew up poor and she will love you forever. Go online and search them out.
carhill Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 OP, if you're interested, spend some time on expat and distance relationship forums relevant to the countries you're interested in visiting. Then spend some time in-country and, as appropriate, learn a bit of the native language. More is better, IMO. Lastly, budget somewhere in the mid five figures for the whole process, from research to travel to relationship-oriented expenses. I spent about 15K (90's dollars) over the period I traveled, but did not K1 or K3 anyone, which costs more. I did it about 17 years ago and found the option to have some good potential and, as some posters have mentioned, it opened my eyes to a more worldly view of things in general and was a valuable education to a relative country boy. During that 2-3 year period I met more demonstrably single women than I had in my entire adult life locally. Good luck.
carhill Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 IMO, it's pretty easy to discern the trends ('westernization' versus 'traditional') when participating in the expat forums versus/and the K1/K3 forums. I personally didn't see any clear patterns of 'westernization' during the years I was dating internationally, and that was at a time when the US was markedly disparate economically, generally advantaged, to the countries I visited. It was clearly a mixed bag, based on the men who dated and married 'foreign' women and my own personal experiences over time with them. Most of my experience was in the CIS/FSU, then still in post-communist flux, with a smattering of Asia thrown in. One marked example was a lady I dated from the western part of Ukraine who worked for the WHO as a lawyer representing abused or disadvantaged women developing business opportunities. She lived in Lviv but traveled throughout the world as part of her job. She had an apartment, a car and had no problem 'treating' me when we would socialize. She even visited with us later here in the US a couple times after I had met and married a local lady. Her demeanor was still very 'traditional', relevant to the standards I was used to locally in my area of California, but was also quite worldly due to her life experience. At that time, she was 29 and I was 38. OP, perhaps this path may not bring fruit but I'm very confident you'll be richer for the experience, presuming you enter into it for healthy reasons. My reason was I could not meet demonstrably single women locally. It sound like you have similar issues. Go into it with your eyes open and your expectations reasonable and see how it goes.
carhill Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 OP, another aspect I noted, actually only now in retrospect which may or may not be relevant to you, was that my 'credibility' or 'reputation' appeared to rise as a result of international travel, both with my first true LTR after I had spent time in Africa, as well as with my wife, whom I met a few months after a trip to the FSU. Her cultural roots happened to be from that part of the world and that's how we first connected online, discussing the cultural aspects of our shared heritage and she found my actual travel to the area and dating ladies from there to evidently be attractive enough to want to meet in person, where we began a sort of 'distance' relationship, the distance being nothing compared to my international ones, and later married. My takeaway from this was that, for a man like myself anyway, women perhaps find other aspects than the obvious (looks/money/status) to spark attraction and those experiences, for those particular examples, assisted in that regard.
charlietheginger Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 I was the same way didnt wanna date a smoker or girl with tats or drank a lot i found myself at home alone.....sucked now i go out meet women who smoke,some have lots of tats,some drink heavy im not getting married to them or making any of them my girlfriend but now im atleast getting some play.... Just go out meet women enjoy them untill you meet the right one no need sitting around lonley. Just remember is weekend fun and enjoy it... date women you have nothing in common with,date women with tats,date crazy women ,date all kinds of women and guess what you will probably have alot of fun doing it and might actually get laid 1
wavejumper Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 while i'm the first one to encourage international travel, i suspect the OP will still be unsatisfied. quite frankly, you sound entitled and rigid. if you are having trouble getting laid in your hometown, you probably will have the same issue wherever you go. you might want to consider opening up your narrow, judgemental view- sure travel is good for that, but going just to get laid might not give you the results you think you will find. good luck 1
FitChick Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Most of these guys are clueless as to what would be involved in emigrating to another country. It's not like the US where millions of people walk across the border. Some countries actually enforce their immigration laws. You need to be sufficiently educated or skilled to be of value to that country. They don't want people going on benefits. You would have to learn a new language as well. What you could do is become platonic friends with women from countries you want to visit. They might wind up introducing you to friends or helping you find a place to stay with their friends back in the Old Country.
Author ltjg45 Posted November 10, 2013 Author Posted November 10, 2013 While I am reading the responses here as I go, I do want to thank everyone for posting just the same. I don't ever want you guys to think that I don't appreciate the time you are giving up to respond to this thread.
Author ltjg45 Posted November 10, 2013 Author Posted November 10, 2013 while i'm the first one to encourage international travel, i suspect the OP will still be unsatisfied. quite frankly, you sound entitled and rigid. if you are having trouble getting laid in your hometown, you probably will have the same issue wherever you go. you might want to consider opening up your narrow, judgemental view- sure travel is good for that, but going just to get laid might not give you the results you think you will find. good luck No, I am not considering this just to get laid. If that was the case, I might as well pay for it if I was that desperate. Still cheaper and less time wasted. What I am looking for is a healthy relationship that can possibly lead to long-term marriage. To be happily married like some couples here get to enjoy. To me, sex is just a bonus. Considered that I went through almost a decade of no sex during my adult years has almost killed my desire to want sex since I got used to masturbating for a VERY long time. My problem is simply that I can't find enough people to even consider dating to begin with, let alone the difficulty I have in the attraction part of dating. This is why I have yet to go on a date yet.
40 Fonzarelli Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Why don't you just move to another city instead of another country.
Els Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 So, how's the travel planning going? You got a passport yet?
carhill Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Good point. Those things are expensive these days. I just did the third one in my life, and it was 110.00 and I did the picture myself. Not cheap, as little is about international dating. Budget.
Author ltjg45 Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 So, how's the travel planning going? You got a passport yet? Not yet. I am definitely working on it. This will take a lot of time, I am sure. I am fine with that.
Locust Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 (edited) I see you are considering what I'm thinking as well. For me, I have met a 18 year old Polish girl who lives near Warsaw and we have a pretty good connection. We can chat for hours and we always Skype just about every weekend. I realize 18 might be a little too young for me but feels so great to know their is a girl out there who likes you when you never thought there wasn't any. This is my main driving force to make me want to leave the USA. Like someone said here, marriage in the US is complete trash, divorce can kill any man and wreck his finances for life. Just yesterday I got message by a 22 year old Russian that resides in Moscow. She sent me a message that just said "wow". I did not reply to it because I there was no context to it. But I sure felt like reply when I saw her photo, my Goodness she might give Megan Fox a run for her money. I'm on Fdating and my intention was to meet Indian women but instead met a Polish and getting profile views by Russians and few Ukrainians. Edited November 11, 2013 by Locust
Author ltjg45 Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Why don't you just move to another city instead of another country. Overall, I do want to move to another city since I been in Jacksonville all of my life. I definitely need new scenery at this point. Despite that, I have to keep in mind that I am only meeting a new set of women. This doesn't directly increase my chances of finding the one that I am looking for and I certainly don't want my expectations to increase as a result of it.
carhill Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 OP, relevant to a 'new set of women', one bit of advice is to, if moving, or dating, focus in on a demographic where there are more single women than men. I did this when dating in the CIS/FSU post-communism, where the locales I targeted had a marked dearth of men, either due to military conflict or alcoholism or crime, etc, and was literally swimming in women, something I had never encountered in my life. My driver was fending them off, as an American at that time stood out like a ballistic missile. Something to consider, if you haven't already.
FitChick Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Just yesterday I got message by a 22 year old Russian that resides in Moscow. She sent me a message that just said "wow". I did not reply to it because I there was no context to it. But I sure felt like reply when I saw her photo, my Goodness she might give Megan Fox a run for her money. Probably a guy in Nigeria. Next "she" will say she needs money for college or her sick mother. Just curious as to what you guys plan on doing for a living. Are you doctors or computer specialists? I don't think they have Starbucks in Poland. 1
Locust Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 The Polish girl I seen her through live webcam so I know exactly what she looks like. She evan gave me photos and her photos match what I see in the webcam. Now the Russian woman, yes it could be a scam. I heard lot of stories what happen to those men. Maybe I will try lucky lovers where you can meet foreign women already in the US.
Locust Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Probably a guy in Nigeria. Next "she" will say she needs money for college or her sick mother. Just curious as to what you guys plan on doing for a living. Are you doctors or computer specialists? I don't think they have Starbucks in Poland. I'm currently a student but graduating next next with a degree in science. If I were to move I believe with a BS degree I could land a fair descent job. The problem that may hurt me is speaking another language beside English.
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