Skalabanan Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Hi All, I'm 9 months post breakup, my life has started to turn around nicely, I'd started to get fit, new job and was really starting to feel happy again. Unfortunately for me I still thought about my ex on a daily basis, like us all I never really got the closure I wanted from the relationship so I still go over scenarios in my head, I think of her daily basis but to be honest it was decreasing in frequency and I was starting to see the light. The progress came to a halt yesterday as I found out the inevitable news that she has a new boyfriend now (I should add we haven't spoke in 9 months apart from birthday messages). I guess I know the answer to how I should behave and move on from this but I guess I need some reassurance that I'm not that big a loser for still thinking about her and finding this out was always going to knock me back a bit? Cheers
strive Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 I think knowing that you ex has moved on is one of the milestones everyone has to go through before they are fully healed. Its what kills the last of your hopes and what-ifs. You're not a loser at all. It just means that once you're over this milestone, you're on your way to complete recovery. Good luck!
Author Skalabanan Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 It's just brings up a new set of questions, although I don't want or need a partner right now it kinda sucks that she's moved on and has got one and you begin to project all these potential happy feelings she's going through right now. But with every cloud, the healing process is almost here, I've kept NC, I've changed my life for the better and I'm moving on, no more setbacks would be grand
Dumped85 Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 My ex has moved on, not even 5 months since. Guess it happens, I feel like a failure snd wish it was me. But at the same time its inevitable, and its her life to live I guess. I had a bit of a cry yesterday. But realize as she said our relationship was more of a friendship at the end.
Mcnulty Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 It's an awful feeling, I totally empathize. Makes you feel like you lost and irrational thoughts will enter your head. Guess we've got to think that maybe it wasn't personal that it ended...circumstances, history, needle and the damage done...some solace in that but still hurts nonetheless. When you know they've gotten with someone who has money, affluence, inferior thoughts creep in, but what can we do other than try to move on, one day at a time.
Author Skalabanan Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 Yeah I've never been someone with the most confidence so it's always a bit tough for me, but it's something I know I need to work on. We all make mistakes, if we don't make mistakes it's because we're not living any more and I did my best, time to carry on focusing on me Thanks for responses so far, nice to know I'm not in this boat alone.
Nubcake Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Within a week of being dumped I was told "I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now" then she gets a new boyfriend within that week. Life is awesome isn't it
Omei Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Its horrible! Glad ive taken every route possible that I will never find out when my ex moves on.
strive Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Within a week of being dumped I was told "I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now" then she gets a new boyfriend within that week. Life is awesome isn't it Your ex and mine must be good friends
Blastoplast Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Seems like I've seen a lot of threads about this recently. When I found out my EX was dating somebody new, it was like a dagger in the gut. It might hurt for a little while, but you'll get over it quickly when you realize that she's not worth your time anymore -- or that she's somebody else's problem. Most relationships end for a reason, and I'm glad my LTR did because we were getting close to marriage and I wasn't happy with my life.
melell Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 I just want to say that not everyone is effected by their ex moving on. It is all dependent on how much you have healed. Of course you are going to care when you are still thinking about her! But don't be too hard on yourself. This happening will help you in the long run. I think that some dumpees who truly don't want there ex back, and who have truly moved on aren't set back by their ex finding someone new- because they don't want them anymore anyway. I don't want dumpees thinking that their ex has to find someone else before they will be completely healed because it simply is not the case! My ex tried to come back months later. I really didn't want him by that point, and this was after 8 years together. I hope he finds someone else and that everything works out for him, and I don't care whether or not I know if he has someone- this is because I don't want that relationship, and because I have moved on enough for this kind of thing not the really phase me. As long as some part of you wants the relationship though, you will be hurt when they move on. We are either holding on, or we've moved on- what goes on in the dumpers life is irrelevant to that.
vtred Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 There is a tendency to assume that ur Ex has found the perfect person and they make perfect love all the time! Keep reading this line again and again and u ll realise what a stupid thing to do it is. . Although I do believe that the jealousy cannot be helped. I found out about my ex dating some guy about a month back(3 months NC) and i was devastated to hear that. Last night i went to a common friends wedding where she was expected to be there with her new perfect love. It was so awesome to c that the guy was a loser nd the idiot could not even maintain eye contact with me. She tried her best to make be jealous by kissing him and holding his hands and all that but nothing worked. The guy really was a loser and i felt elated. I said "good riddance" to myself and enjoyed the party. I am 27 and working and have a new zeal towards work. I make the effort of meeting new and interesting people (not necessarily women) and its so much fun. Thinking of taking a break for a year or 2 from relationships. It doesnt seem s o bad now.
GeorgesIsntAtHome Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 Hi All, I'm 9 months post breakup, my life has started to turn around nicely, I'd started to get fit, new job and was really starting to feel happy again. Unfortunately for me I still thought about my ex on a daily basis, like us all I never really got the closure I wanted from the relationship so I still go over scenarios in my head, I think of her daily basis but to be honest it was decreasing in frequency and I was starting to see the light. The progress came to a halt yesterday as I found out the inevitable news that she has a new boyfriend now (I should add we haven't spoke in 9 months apart from birthday messages). I guess I know the answer to how I should behave and move on from this but I guess I need some reassurance that I'm not that big a loser for still thinking about her and finding this out was always going to knock me back a bit? Cheers I know it may sound weird but think of the fact that at some point she wanted you in her life so hook up to that tought, she saw some positive in you and you should focus on that, that is still in you and somebody else will see it too! You are not a loser because it didnt work out, I don't know the détails of yours but relationships can fail for MANY MANY reasons, so don't beat yourself up over it
Author Skalabanan Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 Thanks for your help everyone. It's a couple of days since I found out and to be honest I feel so much better already, my mind is computing the small what ifs it had before into the reality it's no more what ifs. Slowly but surely things will get better, girlfriend or no girlfriend I'm a decent guy at heart and I'm happy with who I am.
2fargone Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I'm pretty much detached from situations, I don't take things personal. I kinda figured out that the last month of the relationship there was at least contact between my ex and her new boyfriend. After about 6 weeks of thinking we were keeping in touch and possibly slowly picking up again I discovered all this. For me, it was actually what I needed to let go. It confirms that her actions are all about her, and not about me. Nothing I can do about it, or have to do about it. What I did mind however, was her conceiling it. I wouldn't have wasted the 6 weeks if I knew...
Recommended Posts