Jlschmidt1988 Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 I accidently posted this in the marriage thread so I'm reposting it here. I hope i wont get in trouble for spam. I'm new on here but I have question for anyone willing to answer. I just met a beautiful girl on pof and we haven't met yet. We're both attracted to each other and I planned a date with her next Saturday. I met her online this past Tuesday and we've been talking nonstop. Hours on the phone even mentioning to each other 'if we get married' kind of stuff. First of all is that bad? Well, we are getting along and everything sounds perfect but she keeps telling me 'don't get your hopes up because you might not even like me.' I know some of you will just say I'm over analyzing the conversation but I just want some light on this Does she really mean I might not like her? Because I know I will by the way we're talking. Or is she really indirectly saying she might not like me? Also can someone give me some small hints on how to talk to her until our date and how I should act on the date?
d0nnivain Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 It's too soon. Any conversation about potential marriage with someone you just started talking to from a free dating web site is a problem. POF is notorious for having people who aren't serious but who are always looking to hook up & or date around until the next best thing comes along. The fact that she is also saying, "don't get your hopes up" probably speaks more the fact that she has been burned off that site before . . . having things be flirty & great with lots of potential before the actual meet IRL then have it all fizzle with the guys disappearing for seemingly no reason. Just slow down. You shouldn't be planning much farther than the good night kiss at this point.
felicity1 Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Don't be desperate and clingy. It will only leave you very upset.
Mascara Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Have you not had a date from online before? If not, you might not be aware how this stuff usually happens - you're likely to have very many first dates before you find anyone, and the reason is that things are very different in reality. The way someone moves and looks in 3D, mannerisms - just something about them that can kill an attraction stone dead before you've even sat down.
ponchsox Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 In my experience, online dating is like going to yard sales. Most of the time you find used junk that no body wants want but 1/10 times you can hit the jackpot.
jdc695 Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 In my experience, online dating is like going to yard sales. Most of the time you find used junk that no body wants want but 1/10 times you can hit the jackpot. This is true. Online dating can be deceptive. People are very skilled with camera angles these days, not to mention mannerisms/personality characteristics that just don't manifest themselves over a keyboard/phone. I have found that drinks are the best way to go on an online 1st date..no real time commitment; if she's not what you thought you can politely excuse yourself (as opposed to an hour long dinner). In my experience it's a LOT of trial and error.
petitefleur Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 (edited) Yes it's too soon to be bringing up marriage. A guy said that kind of things to me, about marriage, honeymoon, moving in together and it weirded me out and I told him the same she told you. I still went out with him telling myself he was just being sweet and the date was bad, he turned out to be very cheap (complaining about bills with me) so I offered to go Dutch but he didn't let me pay anything. He was a big turn off and I think he liked me by the way he looked at me and how he flirted but I didn't like him, and he sounded great in text and in the phone, besides the strange marrying stuff. So IMHO, drop that. I felt stupid talking about moving in with a guy I didn't end up liking one bit. Edited November 9, 2013 by petitefleur added some
vanek26 Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 The whole "don't get your hopes up" line means one of two things to me. 1. She's significantly more overweight than she appears in her pictures and she knows you will be disappointed when you meet. But for now she's happy to live the fantasy with you over the phone 2. She is fishing for compliments because she is deeply insecure and needs you to tell her how beautiful she is. When you do meet, she'll awkwardly say that sort of stuff right to your face to get you to compliment her. Both of these women are rampant on OLD sites
lollipopspot Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 The whole "don't get your hopes up" line means one of two things to me. 1. She's significantly more overweight than she appears in her pictures and she knows you will be disappointed when you meet. But for now she's happy to live the fantasy with you over the phone 2. She is fishing for compliments because she is deeply insecure and needs you to tell her how beautiful she is. When you do meet, she'll awkwardly say that sort of stuff right to your face to get you to compliment her. Both of these women are rampant on OLD sites That's reading a lot into it. To me it's more straightforward and means - 'be realistic, I may not like you and you may not like me, in person. Let's not get too far ahead and assume that because we get along on the phone it's going to lead to fairy tale romance...' Because I'm not overweight or fishing for compliments, and I would tell him to hold off on his expectations too. 1
soccerrprp Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 The only things I can think of is that she's either insecure or giving you a hint that what you saw on her profile in the way of pics may not necessarily and truly represent how she is now.
NJtoDC Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 The whole "don't get your hopes up" line means one of two things to me. 1. She's significantly more overweight than she appears in her pictures and she knows you will be disappointed when you meet. But for now she's happy to live the fantasy with you over the phone 2. She is fishing for compliments because she is deeply insecure and needs you to tell her how beautiful she is. When you do meet, she'll awkwardly say that sort of stuff right to your face to get you to compliment her. Both of these women are rampant on OLD sites #3- It means the OP is getting way ahead of himself. He is talking the what if's of marriage before they've even met. The girl is getting worried that his expectations will be unrealistic. This would be a sensible concern since they are talking about marriage in four days or less- sight unseen. This is why people are advised to meet sooner than later, because unrealistic expectations are made of the other person. Better to get out of fantasy land and deal with reality sooner than later....lest someone 'gets their hopes up'. 1
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