grace777 Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Hi, I am wondering if any of you out there know anything about lesbian relationships and game-playing. You know...hot one minute, cold the next? Is this a pattern? I'm relatively new to the lesbian dating scene. I had one relationship that lasted a few years, but before that I'd always dated men. Now I'm out there again and am honestly perplexed. Does anyone have some words of wisdom in regards to this topic? Is game-playing even more prevalent and advanced with lesbians than when dating in the straight arena?
Author grace777 Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 90 views and not one response...? Perhaps no one else can relate to what I've been experiencing
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 You'd have to add a little bit more detail to paint a clearer picture...right now it's a big vague and presumptuous that lesbians are more "game-players" than straight couples, I'm not sure anyone has any good statistics on that even from personal experience. When I advise on relationship issues, I take into consideration the sexes but ultimately give the same kind of advise as I would a straight couple...I see the same situations and patterns exist, I think however from my perspective at least that gay couples tend to go more easily in and out, and transition from person to person more easily as it seems to be more generally accepted and the norm...the lines or rules are less defined, it can be more open and fluid, especially within a circle since they all may be apart of the same sex. Like gay men may inter mingle sexually as well as the women having multiple partners...but then you also have gay couples who are monogamous and don't appear to be any different than any other dedicated couple. I've known a few gay men, bisexual, lesbian women but being straight myself I didn't get too deep into understanding the dynamic, but I have heard the relationship issues from friends...I've seen the women appear to be equivalent to the "unavailable man" that may string women along. But then again unavailability isn't exclusive to one sex by any means. 1
Author grace777 Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 Okay, you make a good point. So here are some details. I met a woman who I think is pretty amazing. We have talked a lot for a couple of months. We've gone out several times too. We live an hour apart. When we are together, it's so easy and fun, and we have a great connection. After we see each other, we talk and text frequently for a week or two, but then she just vanishes. This has happened before. Then suddenly, after a month or two, she'll reappear. We resume talking. Meet up, have an amazing time. The talking/texting continues for a couple of weeks, and then she vanishes again... It's so puzzling to me. If we didn't have a natural vibe together, I'd just let it go. And if she didn't seem interested in the followup texts after hanging out, I'd also let it go. But it's like all is good...and then, she just disappears. I don't know how to proceed, or whether to proceed at all... It's strange. And not knowing, really, how to date women in the initial stages, I'm just looking for advice. My gut tells me that she likes me, but after some time passes by, she gets caught up and distracted with her life. But my mind tells me that if she were interested, she'd make more of an effort. The thing is, when we do talk and especially when we hang out, it's awesome. So I'm totally confused.
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Same exact thing happens with men and women, there's not much difference in that respect because this woman is unavailable...it's pretty easy to see. When available people hang out with you and you have this "amazing" time together it's just because they've kind of built that up after that long period of being withdrawn and then they come in and can give a heavy dose in full force...but they wouldn't be able to maintain that energy and interest...ultimately they are not completely invested and interested. She's likely seeing someone else and if not she's very busy with her work and personal life where a relationship is not a priority, but she's more than likely seeing someone else who is local then her curiosity peaks again with you, she sees if you're still a fish dangling on the line and she reels you in for another shotgun weekend. She may like you to a degree, but ultimately not as much as you like her or at the same interest level...she's just keeping you at an arms length and doesn't want things to be a consistent level of investment, so essentially you are a FWB. I think what's puzzling to someone in your situation is you feel convinced and certain of how you feel because you're going based on what it's like when you're together and you can't understand why this person wouldn't want more or be more interested...what you don't get is that it's only desired in these doses because the person is ultimately not available to take things to another emotional level. You're just confused because of your own emotions. You also have to realize that there are some people who have these "amazing" connections with multiple people, they are kind of "love fools" and get love drunk with one person for one reason then with another for a separate reason. It's all relative and to her it might not ultimately be as amazing as you feel it is, she might have more experience or options. I wouldn't proceed with her unless you're ultimately satisfied with this kind of relationship and keep looking for someones else, if you wait around for her to "come around" then I think you're more than likely going to waste your time, if not guaranteed...she would've made a move by now and in the future things would change and the ship would've sailed, that's if she even keeps in contact with you and coming back. Otherwise just move on for someone who is looking for the same thing you want, and ideally much closer in distance unless you want to get caught in the long distance relationship thing.
Author grace777 Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 Wow, you're very insightful! I think you're right. She may be dating someone else, maybe not, but I do know her career is extremely demanding. Regardless, I do not like this treatment at all. I'm in my 30's. I've dated men my entire life, before my last ex of 3 years who was a woman. I'm used to being chased. Men went after me and my ex went after me. But with this girl, I'm the one initiating most of it. I'm way out of my element and I don't like it. It's uncomfortable. I took a risk with her because we had such a fun time and great connection. I thought she was worth it. But now it's becoming too difficult. I'll bow out. You're right in that she does have more experience in the lesbian side of things. But I know I have options. I haven't really pursued them because I'm not a serial dater --- I'm cool being alone until I find someone that sparks my interest. Since my breakup a year ago, she's the only one that's done so. Maybe, because of that, I've placed her on a bit of a pedestal. Regardless, I did hope we could at least become good friends, if not lovers. So it's a bit disappointing. Ahhh well, such is love and this dating scene. Thanks for your insight. It has helped me quite a bit!
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