soret Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Hey all, I have a bit of a dilemma today. My family doesn't understand why I like spending time in my room and they define it as "doing nothing" when in actuality I'm spending time studying, editing/programming, or cleaning. This situation has been a problem for as long as I can remember. I'm at 22-year-old full time university student living in my father’s home and I either go to school during the day or come home in the late afternoon to work on school projects. On weekends I mostly stay in to do more work or I go out and spend an evening with some friends. However, for my parents and my Dad especially he sees my time spent in my room as unhealthy so he criticizes me and makes the assumption that I'm playing video games or watching TV or something. If I had the money and if my friends weren't in university as well then I would be able to go out and do things but right now I feel like my studies are a lot more important and friends can wait. I'm also looking into going back to my old job to work part time just to make some extra cash. Now, on Fridays I have the day off from school and the last couple of days have been stressful because I had to work on two major essays that are worth a good chunk of my final grade. So today was a day to catch up on some sleep and do some planning for my upcoming project. This project is due next week and I had hardly any time to work on it because of my other classes. I ask for my Dad for suggestions last night but instead it's my fault I left it too late and yada yada yada. I do agree with him but yelling at someone and putting them down isn't going to help the situation. So today I cleaned up the house, put together some furniture my Dad bought last night, did my laundry, and prepared for 2 projects I'm starting this weekend. When my Dad got home he immediately yelled at me for doing nothing for my project (I didn't even recieve a thank you for setting up his furniture). I asked him why he was making assumptions about what I did with my Day and he basically told me that I wasn't normal for spending so much time at home and he doesn't want to see me go down the same path as him since he spends most of his free time at home. The only difference between my Dad and I is that I enjoy being on my own and he does not. I don't complain about my situation but he constantly complains about his. This is a constant thing with my Dad and I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong. I'm living my life how I want but he just doesn't seem to understand that and I don't know what I can do to make the situation better. 2
pink_sugar Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Sounds like you are simply an introvert OP. Your energy and pleasure comes from solitary situations. My dad was similar when I was growing up. He'd always wonder why I never had friends over. While I like going out from time to time, I enjoy my peace and quiet as well. Nothing wrong with that. Just show your dad you are happy as you are. Of course people will try and say you won't get anywhere being an introvert, but don't listen to them. Do make sure that you allow yourself plenty of time for pleasurable activities. 2
melell Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 I mean, from what you have said you get out and about all the time. You priorities are exactly that YOURS. As long as you are happy don't worry about other people understanding. 1
erkyjerky Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 I hear your pain. I'm an INTJ (if you don't what that is, read up on Karl Jung and the Meyers Briggs test) and being of the 1% of the population, I prefer solitude as well. I require it! You aren't abnormal, you are just rare. And yes, extroverts cannot understand you! The only way you can get them to understand you is to educate them on the different personality types, that is if they are willing to learn. If they aren't, then you aren't likely going to get them to see your side. The best way to deal with this is to either suck it up, learn to ignore them, or better yet, just move out. Don't stop being you or feel bad for wanting to be alone. You have a gift they don't have, and they can tell. It bothers them that you can be happy alone, but don't let it bother you! 2
melell Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 This is really weird, but for me when I spend all my time out socializing I start to get this feeling like I am being inauthentic, or too far away from myself. It just doesn't feel quite right. I know life is about participating in society, but if I spend more time with others than I spend alone it seems like I am being fraudulent to myself :/ Thoughts? 2
Grumpybutfun Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 soret: Is living in a dorm an option? G
maiden of rohan Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I'm the same way. I'm an INTJ, which means I'm completely an introvert. I used to fight it coming into my early 20's, lubricating my personality with alcohol to try and force myself out, but I've come to accept myself as an introvert. People say the same thing about me. I spend a lot of time indoors, or alone. I go to the movies alone, shopping alone, spend time just reading books, etc, doing what it is I love doing. I'm a solitary person, and I'm fine with that. I just often wish more people would recognise it as something valid, and perfectly normal, instead of a sign of something wrong. Explain that you are happy as you are, or try and move out if he doesn't relent. You are what you are, and you shouldn't be forced to try and be someone else because of other people's expectations.
Absinthe Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 I can relate, I'm one of the introvert personality types that masquerades as an extrovert. Public speaking, hanging out in large groups...none of that's a problem for me. But when I am home, unless I organise a party, I like to just recharge by listening to music and watching Netflix and generally being in my own company. As a teenager my parents tried to stage an intervention to get me to go out more. As an adult I now work abroad and my parents wish that I lived closer - be careful what you wish for, I guess Anyway, OP, you seem happy enough with the way your life is going, and it's not as if you don't pull your weight around the house, so keep it up. I can completely understand why your dad's comments get to you - anything parents say has a special effect on you, moreso than if a stranger had said it. But just think! Your reward for your hard work will be earning enough cash to move out
Elliotte Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I was at odds with my mom about this, especially while living at home and going to college. During the first half of college I realized I needed to devote my life to getting better at what I wanted to have as a career after college, not just doing homework assignments and working a retail job part time. I quit the job, got a loan to have a small amount of cash for bills and spent a ton of time on my computer in my room working on supplementing my education on my own. Despite countless arguments with my mom, I worked hard teaching myself extra programs outside of the ones I learned in class, which helped me land a internship, which upon graduation turned into a job in the field of my degree (digital art, graphic design and later video game character art), something most of my fellow graduates struggled with for much longer and/or gave up pursuing entirely. Just know you are doing things the right way, your dad doesn't know what he's talking about. Probably the best way to show him he is wrong is when you are successful in your career and move out. It seems to me you are very passionate and self motivated, and will likely be more happy with your life than he is.
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