hurtnomorerika Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 So today one of my ex-coworkers who is an attorney came to the court today with a client. She is now in her own practice and she practices everything legal, family law, etc. She does not have a consultation fee. I was wondering if maybe I should set an appt with her to see if getting a lawyer for my childsupport would be sufficient. The only thing is she knows I had a baby, she was present during my work baby shower. However, she doesnt have a clue nor does anyone else I work with know about MM and the affair and how he's left me from day 1. I think I can trust her because everything would be confidential, but Im wondering should I even get a lawyer? I dont know what MM might throw at me once its time for us to attend court for our daughter. THIS SCARES ME. WHAT IF HE/BS TRIES TO TAKE MY DAUGHTER?! I had the CS interview almost a month ago and even though I turned in all of his info as of today there hasnt been any updates. The caseworker told me that we will do paternity testing FIRST then once paternity is established, we will go to court for CS arrangements. Should I lawyer up?
d0nnivain Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Going through the system with an advocate on your side is a much better idea then trying to do it alone, especially if you think the other side has more money, power or influence.
Got it Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 I would definitely agree that consulting with an attorney is in your best interest.
legalgirl Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Yes, get an attorney!!! It is best to have someone who can explain everything to you and has your best interest in mind. And no court is going to take a baby from its mother, it just doesn't happen unless there is abuse, etc. Keep you head up!
yellowmaverick Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Yes, retain an attorney as soon as possible. An attorney can help make sure that you are prepared. As an attorney myself, I can tell you that many people make the mistake of waiting too long. If you retain her, your discussions are generally legally protected as confidential.
violet1 Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 My husband found out that he had a daughter when she was 4 years old. This wasn't an affair or anything like that, just an ex gf. This was about 10 years ago so things may have changed. What they did first was send paperwork to him asking him to take a paternity test. If he didn't take the test, he was legally the father by default. After he took the test and found out she was his. He and his family took the daughter's mother to court to set up a visitation order. The judge ordered slow visitations at first. My husband got to see her just a few hours a week until he got to know her. I really don't think you have to worry about the exMM taking your daughter. He might just pay the child support and not ask for visitation. I do know of men who have done this. You really never know. However, it's a wise idea to get an attorney to be prepared. Best of luck to you. 1
whichwayisup Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 WHAT IF HE/BS TRIES TO TAKE MY DAUGHTER?! The thing is, he does have a right to visitation and even fight for shared custody and yes, his wife will be step mom to your child. Just be sure of what you want here, once that door is opened, anything can happen. Like it or not, especially if his name IS on the birth certificate, he has rights once he pays child support. You won't be able to deny him access to his daughter, the courts won't allow it either unless he's a druggy or a registered sex offender. 1
violet1 Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 The thing is, he does have a right to visitation and even fight for shared custody and yes, his wife will be step mom to your child. Just be sure of what you want here, once that door is opened, anything can happen. Like it or not, especially if his name IS on the birth certificate, he has rights once he pays child support. You won't be able to deny him access to his daughter, the courts won't allow it either unless he's a druggy or a registered sex offender. I agree with this. My husband won 50/50 legal custody of his daughter and the mother had full physical custody. They also amended the child's birth certificate to put him on it and changed her last name to his. The ex gf only wanted child support, but my husband was rewarded what I just listed. If he wants to be part of your daughter's life, he will have rights. You will have to abide by visitation rules or you could be held in contempt with the court. This is what we had to do with the ex gf because she refused to let my husband see his daughter at first. Prepare yourself emotionally for all possibilities. The BS will be the step mom and be in your baby's life if they stay together. However, you can arrange to only do drop offs with the ex MM if you're not comfortable with the BS. She will have no legal rights to your daughter just like I have no legal rights to my step daughter. In my situation, the ex gf refused to drop the child off to anyone but my husband. My husband's attorney said she had that right because they are the only ones who had legal rights to the child.
devilish innocent Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 He could still try to get custody of the child even if you didn't sue for child support. I would talk to a lawyer so you can understand all of your options better. It's always better to have legal support when dealing with child support and custody options.
thefooloftheyear Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 The thing is, he does have a right to visitation and even fight for shared custody and yes, his wife will be step mom to your child. Just be sure of what you want here, once that door is opened, anything can happen. Like it or not, especially if his name IS on the birth certificate, he has rights once he pays child support. You won't be able to deny him access to his daughter, the courts won't allow it either unless he's a druggy or a registered sex offender. This...Abslutely....She is NOT only YOUR daughter!!! He has parental rights...and the courts will make sure that you cannot keep him away from his kid...if it is proven to be his...Too bad for that kid...I think its going to be a very messy and potentially volatile way to have a Mom and Dad.. TFY
CanJanus Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 I dont know what MM might throw at me once its time for us to attend court for our daughter. THIS SCARES ME. WHAT IF HE/BS TRIES TO TAKE MY DAUGHTER?! He would not be "taking" your daughter, your daughter would be spending more time with her father. You should be happy if he goes that route. Yes, child support might drop precipitously if you have shared physical custody, but are you looking for cash or what is best for your child?
lollipopspot Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 I agree with this. My husband won 50/50 legal custody of his daughter and the mother had full physical custody. They also amended the child's birth certificate to put him on it and changed her last name to his. The ex gf only wanted child support, but my husband was rewarded what I just listed. If he wants to be part of your daughter's life, he will have rights. You will have to abide by visitation rules or you could be held in contempt with the court. I get the the 50/50 custody. I don't get changing the child's name. Giving the paternal last name is a custom, but it's not required that a child have either of the parents' last name. I think it's culturally very problematic to have changed the child's name. Also, this shows, once again, that despite the unfounded hype, men are not screwed in custody decisions when they bring it to court. If anything the name change shows a very patriarchal bias.
CanJanus Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 In my situation, the ex gf refused to drop the child off to anyone but my husband. My husband's attorney said she had that right because they are the only ones who had legal rights to the child. The attorney was wrong. The custodial parent can designate anybody to stand in his place to pick up the child from school, etc. He is fit to take care of the child, and he is fit to determine who is appropriate when it comes to taking care of the child. There is a reason that babysitters are gainfully employed Now, if the father is generally unavailable, it could raise questions as to why he wants custody, but that is another issue entirely. Anyhow, poor kid, this mom is going to be a nightmare.
Eggplant Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Get a lawyer and all that, but don't use the coworker. Keep you personal life away from work. Your personal drama isn't anybody's business at work. 1
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