Trying to reconcile my feelings.

[barefootinthepark]

This is going to be long, so please bear with me. I'll try to just include the important things... I guess I am looking for reassurance or advice since I've never experienced anything like this before. About 10 months ago, I met a man who has changed my life. I have been on an emotional roller coaster this whole time though.

 

I was not looking for love, but as the cliché goes "love happens when you aren't looking." I've been very reluctant to admit that's what I am feeling but it really is true when they say you will know someone is the one and will make you know every other time wasn't love. But, to spare all that - it's not a conventional relationship, it's not been easy, and it's hurting me tremendously.

 

The first five months of us getting to know eachother was mainly through texting, phone calls, and some seeing eachother in person. There were times there would be a week or two in between contact, but we never lost touch completely. Finally, in June, he moved (farther away) but we actually spent some time together... He was previously married and his spouse was unfaithful - he has not had a significant relationship since then and it has been several years. For me, I am not used to someone being this interested in me and not wanting to date or be in a relationship. He says he's not good at these things, he's scared, he doesn't feel financially ready, etc. The past two months, things have been progressing (I feel like) - there have been a lot of phone calls and communication even though we haven't seen eachother very much because of the distance.

 

Last week, we'd had a great conversation... We talk a lot about the future and he encourages me to be the best me I can be, makes me feel special and that we have something that is going somewhere... Yet, since last week I have had hardly any contact. I usually let him initiate conversations, but I sent him a couple of texts with no response and even one asking if he would just let me know if something was wrong even though I knew he was busy at work. It's like a pendulum ... Either I feel 100% with him or I feel like utter crap. The hope of what could be and how wonderful of a person this man is and how I feel we are truly meant to be together is what has kept me going, but at the same time I don't understand how he can be so thoughtless.

 

I feel stupid because I'm an intelligent woman... I don't want to try and change him... I don't know. I have heard a bajillion times from him how he's a "capricon" and apparently this disappearing reappearing and slow moving is normal but I've never seen anything like this before!

 

[esteem-jam]

Here is a big contradiction: he is very interested in you but says he is not financially ready. A yes yes and no no.

 

Perhaps he saw you as a short time thing, he presented his A+ game to you. Then he realised this is more serious and you will see his real side which is maybe not so appealing.

 

Can you accept his B game? Which is not so rosy, "warts and all". If so, then you should bring him the idea that everything is OK, his financial situation and other stuff doesnt matter. And you should work towards being together, all the time, home/love nest, not these wishy-washy texts only. That is, if you really want him.

[GeorgesIsntAtHome]

This is going to be long, so please bear with me. I'll try to just include the important things... I guess I am looking for reassurance or advice since I've never experienced anything like this before. About 10 months ago, I met a man who has changed my life. I have been on an emotional roller coaster this whole time though.

 

I was not looking for love, but as the cliché goes "love happens when you aren't looking." I've been very reluctant to admit that's what I am feeling but it really is true when they say you will know someone is the one and will make you know every other time wasn't love. But, to spare all that - it's not a conventional relationship, it's not been easy, and it's hurting me tremendously.

 

The first five months of us getting to know eachother was mainly through texting, phone calls, and some seeing eachother in person. There were times there would be a week or two in between contact, but we never lost touch completely. Finally, in June, he moved (farther away) but we actually spent some time together... He was previously married and his spouse was unfaithful - he has not had a significant relationship since then and it has been several years. For me, I am not used to someone being this interested in me and not wanting to date or be in a relationship. He says he's not good at these things, he's scared, he doesn't feel financially ready, etc. The past two months, things have been progressing (I feel like) - there have been a lot of phone calls and communication even though we haven't seen eachother very much because of the distance.

 

Last week, we'd had a great conversation... We talk a lot about the future and he encourages me to be the best me I can be, makes me feel special and that we have something that is going somewhere... Yet, since last week I have had hardly any contact. I usually let him initiate conversations, but I sent him a couple of texts with no response and even one asking if he would just let me know if something was wrong even though I knew he was busy at work. It's like a pendulum ... Either I feel 100% with him or I feel like utter crap. The hope of what could be and how wonderful of a person this man is and how I feel we are truly meant to be together is what has kept me going, but at the same time I don't understand how he can be so thoughtless.

 

I feel stupid because I'm an intelligent woman... I don't want to try and change him... I don't know. I have heard a bajillion times from him how he's a "capricon" and apparently this disappearing reappearing and slow moving is normal but I've never seen anything like this before!

 

 

unfortunately, love is not rationnal, thus why it is such a hard feeling to understand.. it clouds the minds even though you may be trying to convince yourself that something is wrong..

 

I have recently been trough the same situation so I can relate, the girl I had feelings for was fresh out of a relationship and not ready for anything new but then she kept telling me how she was confused and how she never tought she'd meet somebody like me and how comfortable she was with me and etc etc .. it led my to doubt and suffer for nothing, I fell in love despite EVERYTHING my brain would tell me, and even now I find excuses for her behavior when I know there were many negative things with her

 

If you truly love and feel for him, the best thing you can do is tell him, communication is the key to EVERY relationship.... then act according to his reaction..

 

and dont be afraid to pick up the phone and call him, not only text him, it will show that you are serious

 

Maybe you are overreacting, maybe he's buzy with stuff, maybe he'S just the kind of independant lover, don't assume the worse, you can't let your imagination take the better of you, it will mess you up... nip the problem in the bud, tell him, if he truly respects you he will tell you what's going on

 

good luck and keep us posted