Punky918 Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 [color=green][/color] Heylo, I have never done this sort of thing before but I think im in need of a lil NICE advice please, Here goes, I guess I should give you some background info about my situation, I was in a few bad relationships, one lasting 9 years and going nowhere, so when the last one ended i went on a drinking binge. While on this *binge* i met this girl online and we became drinking buddies, like we would go out drinking and picking up guys and stuff. I found out alot about this girl while we were drinking and i found out that she was married/separated. Well one day me and her went to her husbands house to get some things and me and him hit it off really well, meaning we became instant friends. We mostly talked online everyday, and through talking to him i stopped drinking, because i was no longer that depressed about my life. I tried talking to this girl about getting back together with him, because i found out how much of a great guy he was( and still is) but she said that they were not right for each other and she was done with that. Well as you guessed it, I started liking this guy, but since he was my so-called friends husband(even though thery are seperated) I did nothing about it. Me and him started talking every night on the phone, i would mostly talk about the relationships i was in or we would talk about stuff that intrests us. Well one day he asked me to come to his show( He is in a band). I said sure but since he lived so far away from me i would have to find a place to stay, he said i could stay at his place. So we planned this ummm sleep over( that was to last 4 days) and his wife was gonna pick me up on the last day. Day of his show comes and it was great, i really like his band and his friends, we all get along great. That night we were getting ready to go to bed, i was sitting on his chair and he was laying on his couch, we were watching Pimp My Ride on MTV. We for some reason were playing around by rubbing each others hands and I asked him if i could sit on the couch with him. So we are sitting there, like 2 best friends, Joking around and then it got all serious, i put my head back against the couch and he did the same, he looked into my eyes and kissed me. It was the greatest feeling in the world. Then i got all like woah, what just happened.We didnt speak at all because we were both to scared to, but then we kissed again, and everything just seemed so right. The next 2 days were wonderful, we had so much fun together because there was no more tension from us liking each other. But the last day killed everything. His wife came a day early to pick me up, and i guessed she sensed something so she stayed the night at his house.We werent ready to tell her yet(esp since she had to drive me home) so we just grinned and shut out mouths.I left the next day. We talked everyday after that, me living my life, him living his....by this time me and his wife stopped talking cuz i was completly sober.And i realized that she wasnt the person that i wanted to be friends with. A couple weeks later my grandmother passed away, and i was devastated, i was on the phone with him when my mom called to tell me, and he knew that i needed him, to hold and comfort me.He offered my roommate $100.00 to drive me to his house, but my roommate said she couldnt cuz there was noone to watch her son.Well i had to go to Virginia to go to the funeral and stuff, so i took off from work and went there for a couple days. When i got back from Virginia, i walked into the door to my house unpacked my suitcase and repacked it, and went straight to his house.This was all his idea, he asked me to move in with him, and i have been here ever since. WOW now that you know all that sappy ****, on to my problem( i guess), He doesnt want to be with his wife, and she doesnt want to be with him, but i am so not crazy about the fact that they are still married, with no divorce in the works. I have talked to him about it, and his reasons are good they dont have kids(thank god) but he has to deal with stuff about the house(that me and him live in) and other stuff. Well recently his wife lost her job and got kicked out of her place, so she moved back in with her mom about 10 mins from us, and since she still gets mail here and still has some of her things here, she feels that she can come over whenever she wants, and she calls to ask stupid ass questions. I talked to my BF about this and told him that it is really bothering me.He said that he will talk to her and tell her that she doesnt need to call and if she wants her stuff to come and take it all at once and just get this **** over with.He always puts me first, and if i mention anything about her, he listens and understands what i have to say, then always tells me that he loves me and not her and the only thing he thinks about is making me and him work. He is so wonderful to me.....So why am i still all paranoid? I think i just need someone to talk to that has gone through the same thing or something, i talk to my friends and family but they dont understand what i feel.. Do I make sense posting a message because there is some feeling eating away at me that i cant make go away? ADVICE??? and please be gentle
overseas2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 I was dating someone who was seperated from his wife and lived in another country. He was the same way with me and refused to get a divorce. I never figured out why he did not get the divorce but I ended up leaving him after being together and living together for 7 months. He still isnt divorced to this day. I am not saying your guy will never get a divorce but you need to get to the bottom of the situation and find out what the reasons are. I dont see any good reasons in your post. Overseas
Author Punky918 Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 We kinda talked, cuz after i wrote this last night, it wouldnt leave my mind, so since me and him have great communication, i decided to talk to him again...he has no problems about getting divorced, except right now neither one of them have the money and since me and him are moving out of "their" place soon, im ok with it FOR NOW. I still would like for advice or just people that i can talk to that have been in a situation like this. Thanks alot
Barby Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 I think it's natural to be worried, they are afterall still married. BUT since you are living with him, she is not, she must clearly know that you aren't going anywhere and obviously he wants to be with you, not her.... I understand you want him to get a divorce but things like that take time. He did the right thing by not leading both of you on. You're with him now so I don't think you should worry so much!
Author Punky918 Posted December 20, 2004 Author Posted December 20, 2004 Thanks everyone for posting your comments, i really appreicate other peoples point of views. im not pushing him to get a divorce if hes not ready, ill wait it out for a while....i truly believe that this is gonna work, i just need to be patient and not think so much into things...thanks again ladies
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