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I slept with my best friend and I'm

24inNYC

By 24inNYC
in General Relationship Discussion

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24inNYC New Member

24inNYC

Posted
Posted (edited)

So some background:

I have been best friends with this guy for 11 years now. We have always been really close: I've helped set him up with girls, spent many nights consoling him after breakups and other problems, and basically know everything about him (and vice versa). I had a crush on him in middle school, but I never told him and it quickly passed. I've always thought he was attractive but that was about it. We've had "moments" in the past where we'd be talking intimately and gotten close, but we've never kissed or anything.

Last weekend he was in town and my roommates were away. We went out with his friends and got very drunk. I made out with his friend but decided not to pursue it and went home instead. My friend was also making out with a girl but things didn't work out there either. So we were both drunk and feeling horny and we ended up having sex. It was so fun. We stayed up all night kissing, and cuddling, and having sex.

Right after, he wanted to talk about it. My mind was blank bc I was still in the moment and had not had time to process it. He started talking and told me a lot of stuff like: "you don't know how many times I've thought about sleeping with you", telling me how hot he thought I was, "I don't want to think about you sleeping with other guys now", "if we lived in the same city would you sleep with only me?" etc etc. I was pretty much quiet bc I didn't know what to say and I was exhausted.

The next morning he had to go see his family, so we cuddled for a bit and kissed goodbye. I told him I was glad we had hooked up and he said me too and left. Things seemed fine.

Now it's been a week and we've talked a few times briefly, but I want to have a longer phone conversation with him about what happened and he's been avoiding it. He told me over IM that he kinda regretted it and he feels weird, but I can't get more info out of him. I am mad that he can't admit that it was fun even if it was a one time thing. I don't necessarily see anything coming of this, but after he was saying all that stuff to me,I couldn't help but think about something more. I'm just curious where his head's at, and I wish he would talk to me.

Advice???

Edited by 24inNYC
whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted

Ahh, you two crossed the platonic lines and now things are weird. And it will be for a while.

 

Give each other some space. Text him and just say you adore him, and you know he adores you but maybe going intimate was a mistake and hope in a few weeks or months things will go back to normal. Keep it light (no drama, no intense talking, it'll put him off even more since most guys cannot stand 'those talks', they just aren't emotionally equip to cope and handle it, so let it go for a while) and humourous.

Elliotte Established Member

Elliotte

Posted
Posted

There's no instant fix to this. Respect each other's boundaries, but see if there's a time when the two of you can meet up and talk things over after you've both thought things through.

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emva07 Established Member

emva07

Posted
Posted (edited)

the friend boundary was crossed and now things are awkward.

 

I'd say if he doesn't want to talk about it don't push it because that can make things worse and he will thing you are clingy and want more.

 

I know what you are going through, I had a similar thing happen to me, as much as I wanted to talk about it and make more of it than it was, bottom line is, it wasn't....it was just that, a ONS with a friend. Nothing to talk about. I had no choice but to let things go back to the way they were with time, he told me that is what he preferred me as....it did hurt me, a lot, but I adapted....I still don't understand why he prefers me as a friend than as a fwb, but I don't want to create a bigger rift (or sound desperate) by still talking about it.

 

my options were to drop it or drop the friendship. I went through times of not talking to him, then he'd come out of nowhere and talk to me and I just caved. Ugh, it was (sometimes is) hard, but with time I've grown to let it go. I know he had a thing for me, but I need to let that go too, he will never admit it again, oh well.

Edited by emva07
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