AutumnMoon Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 After a very strange week with my OM (I think he's going through something at home) .. I'm trying to convince myself not to contact him and let him have some space. It's killing me. He says things are fine but I can tell they are not.. He always tells me if something's wrong but is denying it this time.. and refuse to pry.. I want to give him space to figure things out and hope he contacts me.. Not sure what I need in the form of advice, other than I want to know that I matter enough to him that he'll tell me the truth without me having to ask.
ComingInHot Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Autumn moon, hey there. Bummer when you feel something is "wro.g" but the person won't say what it is. question though, in an A, when something like this happens, what goes through the mind of the AP? Is it immediately, OMGoodness the BS knows!!?! or Just WHY. Why won't they tell me?Why won't they share what's going on? Is it Me? Us? etc... It has be for some crazy hurt making. I get like that w/people who I care about, to Some extent, but I don't know about in an A stitch...*
Author AutumnMoon Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 Autumn moon, hey there. Bummer when you feel something is "wro.g" but the person won't say what it is. question though, in an A, when something like this happens, what goes through the mind of the AP? Is it immediately, OMGoodness the BS knows!!?! or Just WHY. Why won't they tell me?Why won't they share what's going on? Is it Me? Us? etc... It has be for some crazy hurt making. I get like that w/people who I care about, to Some extent, but I don't know about in an A stitch...* Nobody knows, it's not that kind of problem. Honestly I think he's feeling confused or maybe guilty about things, he says its not that at all, but I'm pretty good at picking up on that kind of thing.. We have an opportunity to see each other this weekend, and if we don't it will be the first opportunity like this that we will have passed up in a year. I believe he's waiting for a word from me.. But I'd rather wait for one from him.
underwater2010 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 My guess is that his wife is putting 2 and 2 together. Not that she has figured everything out yet but that she is aware something is amiss. If he normally tells you when things are wrong....this is the only thing I would think he would keep to himself as to not alarm you.
Author AutumnMoon Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 My guess is that his wife is putting 2 and 2 together. Not that she has figured everything out yet but that she is aware something is amiss. If he normally tells you when things are wrong....this is the only thing I would think he would keep to himself as to not alarm you. I actually think he's more concerned about my husband right now than his wife.
violet1 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Sometimes I get kind of weird with my OM. I start to feel guilt and confusion. I tend to push away when I'm feeling like this. My OM will just ask me straight up what's wrong. If I'm having issues at home I'll tell him I don't want to talk about it. After I've calmed down I end up telling him what's going on. With me, I just don't want to burden him with my issues at home. Maybe that's what your OM is doing???? You state that you two are close friends. Why not ask him straight up? 1
hurtnomorerika Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 I know its puzzling but I would just let him have his space and then when he's ready to talk about it, let him know how you feel. Tell him that his actions worried you. 1
ThatsJustHowIRoll Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Here's a thought....If it's a problem at home, and he doesn't want to share with you, then maybe you should understand it's none of your business. Think about that: He doesn't want to talk with you about it. Why is that? 1
Author AutumnMoon Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 He knows be can come to me if be needs to, I always do ask straight up and he this time he says he's fine. But there's been some things happen and I know he must be thinking about things. Anyway it's nothing major.. I've just decided this time I'm going to give him space and if he wants to say he will,
Author AutumnMoon Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 Here's a thought....If it's a problem at home, and he doesn't want to share with you, then maybe you should understand it's none of your business. Think about that: He doesn't want to talk with you about it. Why is that? It's not really just about a problem at his home. I know WHAT he'd be worried about.. He just says he's not.
violet1 Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 He knows be can come to me if be needs to, I always do ask straight up and he this time he says he's fine. But there's been some things happen and I know he must be thinking about things. Anyway it's nothing major.. I've just decided this time I'm going to give him space and if he wants to say he will, That's a good idea. I've been going through some tough things lately. My OM knows about them and he knows I'm thinking a lot about these issues. When he asks I just tell him I'm okay. I need time to process things in my head before I can really discuss it. If he pushed it, I would get a little annoyed. He just tells me he's here for me if I want to discuss it. If you already asked and he said he's fine, then letting him come around on his terms is your best option.
Author AutumnMoon Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 That's a good idea. I've been going through some tough things lately. My OM knows about them and he knows I'm thinking a lot about these issues. When he asks I just tell him I'm okay. I need time to process things in my head before I can really discuss it. If he pushed it, I would get a little annoyed. He just tells me he's here for me if I want to discuss it. If you already asked and he said he's fine, then letting him come around on his terms is your best option. Thanks we are all good he called me tonight, he's just been stressed out and we both always feel bad loading our problems on the other.. but I'm glad he knows I don't mind it at all. I want to make him feel better. But waiting until he called instead of me pushing it was the right choice.. A little space is good. I've made comments about leaving my marriage. I thought that had him stressed. But he says that's not a worry for him.
CelticHeart Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Thanks we are all good he called me tonight, he's just been stressed out and we both always feel bad loading our problems on the other.. but I'm glad he knows I don't mind it at all. I want to make him feel better. But waiting until he called instead of me pushing it was the right choice.. A little space is good. I've made comments about leaving my marriage. I thought that had him stressed. But he says that's not a worry for him. AutumnMoon, from what I've read, you were happy in and didn't want to leave your marriage. I'm just curious, what prompted these comments you made to MOM?
Author AutumnMoon Posted November 10, 2013 Author Posted November 10, 2013 (edited) AutumnMoon, from what I've read, you were happy in and didn't want to leave your marriage. I'm just curious, what prompted these comments you made to MOM? They were not like concrete plans or anything. Just discussing how different my relationship is with my husband. I'm 'happy' in my marriage.. I do plan to stay married, we have a good life planned. I am someone who gets bored easily and it was more thinking aloud and me and him talk about everything but normally do not talk anything negative about our spouses and I had a little bit.. Thought it may have hit a nerve, but we have been together all day today.. Me and OM and things are fine. He actually was worried that I was thinking bad of him .. Lack of communication can cause confusion I guess. We talk a lot but haven't been a lot lately because we are both really busy this time of year. When I say we talk about everything.. We do.. Just not very often. We are not alone very often. So lots of those conversations would be texting alone and neither of us want to text non stop. We see each other several times a week, bordering on daily but usually someone else is around. Edited November 10, 2013 by AutumnMoon 1
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