immoralist Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 I've asked him once or twice if he wants to stop seeing me-he doesn't. Of course he doesn't, Spock. He very much wants to see you so long as your trysts don't turn his family into Ground Zero. The question is not whether he wants to continue to see you. Rather, the question is whether he believes, with all that has happened and will happen once the common law wife learns of his infidelities and must get tested for a STD, that the benefits of seeing you outweigh the massive costs in terms of reputation, family stability and rootedness. Most married/family guys are rebels and outlaws until they get caught. Then they become cowering school boys. Men with families are cowards, and very conservative at heart.
Moose Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Men with families are cowards, and very conservative at heart. Ummmmmm, excuse me???? Surely you mean, "Men who cheat and have families"???
immoralist Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Yeah, that's exactly what I mean. The context of the discussion was married men who cheat, are discovered and then beg for mercy.
Naive Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by Moose If you ask me....you both got what you deserved. .......and then some. When will people realize that your sins will find you? HA Question, if he gave it to you.......where did he get it from? His wife? Huzzy on the side #3 or 4? How can anyone trust a cheater.......I can't fanthom it! You make it seem like you are enjoying the fact that she contracted a disease
Author Mr Spock Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by immoralist Of course he doesn't, Spock. He very much wants to see you so long as your trysts don't turn his family into Ground Zero. The question is not whether he wants to continue to see you. Rather, the question is whether he believes, with all that has happened and will happen once the common law wife learns of his infidelities and must get tested for a STD, that the benefits of seeing you outweigh the massive costs in terms of reputation, family stability and rootedness. Most married/family guys are rebels and outlaws until they get caught. Then they become cowering school boys. Men with families are cowards, and very conservative at heart. True enough. Eventually, this was going to happen-at least now he can't string me along-I'll know soon what is going to happen. If he doesn't leave, but mentions my name sh*t will hit the fan, as I've got mucho dirt on him and he knows it. This is a guy that's unhappy with everything currently in his life (who says they don't want the kids they have?) and I'm giving him an out, and he's considering taking it. If he doesn't, I'll deal with that too. Either way he's screwed, because he knows A. I want him, and if he doesn't leave I have the power to make his life hell B. He's not going to be able to make this go away, so he's screwed. I'm not remorseful as of yet-I could be in the future-I'm being blunt and honest and it's only because he asked me not to do anything stupid that I haven't forced the issue as of yet. I've made it clear what I expect from him, understanding what he's expected to sacrifice.
overseas2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 The only thing I dont get in all of this is why you want this idiot.
Moose Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by naive_2001 You make it seem like you are enjoying the fact that she contracted a disease No, I'm not too happy or excited she did......I do take delight in poetic justice though. And that's just how I perceive this to be......for all parties involved. MM for sleeping around on his wife, (And I believe others), The wife for giving the husband cause, Spock for being half of the equation......yada, yada........ People don't go out and cheat for just any reason. It's the fact they are too lazy to work on their marriage that get's to me.
Owl Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Spock- No secret that you and I don't EVER agree on anything. There is a lot about the way you post and come across that I DON'T like. But...with that being said, I'd like you to realize that that is NOT the intent of this post...I've got a direct question I'd like to ask tho... You made the following statement: If you're happy, you don't cheat, and if you're not you shouldn't be in that relationship-it's not an issue I have. I'd agree with that. But then, after having re-read your post twice, there was one thing that I think we've overlooked... There is a very real possibility I gave it to him-there is just no way of knowing yet. You alluded to in the beginning of your thread that he may have gotten it from you...and again later in the posts. By your own admission then...you're cheating on him?!?!?!
savethedrama4allama Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by Moose No, I'm not too happy or excited she did......I do take delight in poetic justice though. Taking delight when crap happens to people because you perceive it to be justice is called being self righteous. Spock, good to see you back. I hope that you demand he is a real man at this point- comes clean to his wife so that she can get treatment, and makes his choice of who he wants to be with. I don't expect you'd demand any less.
Moose Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Taking delight when crap happens to people because you perceive it to be justice is called being self righteous. Call me self righteous in this situation then.....I don't care.
Debster Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Spock, I'm sorry to hear about the situation. I do hope that the STD in question will not have long-term effects. I also hope you have come to a decision about the pregnancy that you are comfortable with. I believe that this guy is nothing but problems for you and that he is not worth your time or attention, however it is your life and for some reason you think this guy is worth holding on too. I hope that your realtime friends can convince you otherwise. Good luck.
250r Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I hope everything turns out for the better, whatever that may be. With that said, I agree with Moose here - you made your own bed, now you gotta lay in it. The only one I feel sorry for is the wife. How incredibly cruel and harsh her reality is about to become
blind_otter Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 My sympathies - this is a difficult situation, but you seem to be pretty determined and self-assured. But I guess because of my experience, it's iffy to try to get revenge for the STD contraction. I say this because.... I contracted chlamydia last summer. Strange story - apparently I got it sometimes at the end of 2003 from my exhusband. I didn't even have symptoms and found out 8 months later at my annual. I had had sex with 2 different men in the interim, and all were informed and tested. None of them were positive! One of them had a girlfriend who tested negative as well. Apparently I had some magical kind of chlamydia that wanted to infect only me and not give me any symptoms. My doctor went on to give me a pamphlet that stated 50% of the sexually active population in the US has had or currently has chlamydia; 80% of the sexually active population has had or currently has HPV (which causes cervical cancer in women). And condoms don't protect against HPV. Those are ****ty odds.
Owl Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by blind_otter My doctor went on to give me a pamphlet that stated 50% of the sexually active population in the US has had or currently has chlamydia; 80% of the sexually active population has had or currently has HPV (which causes cervical cancer in women). And condoms don't protect against HPV. Those are ****ty odds. All the MORE reason to stick to one person!!!!!!!
bebop Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 With that said, I agree with Moose here - you made your own bed, now you gotta lay in it. The only one I feel sorry for is the wife. How incredibly cruel and harsh her reality is about to become Ditto. I find this entire story absolutely revolting.
hotgurl Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 spock, I have a question for you. When I first came to this board you were in the middle of a very painful and messy relationship/break up with a married man. Now you're seeing another mm and from what I gather these arn't the only mm you've dated., So why all the mm? And you are smart not naive why no protection?
Matilda Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Johan said everything I was thinking, much better than I could have said it. You are such a puzzle to me Spock. You are obviously smart, and I really don't see why you are making such bad choices in your life. Like Johan, I worry about you, and I wish you would spend some time thinking about why you are doing the things you are doing. I think you should try to live a more purposeful life. I wish I had done that when I was in my 20's.
Author Mr Spock Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by Owl Spock- No secret that you and I don't EVER agree on anything. There is a lot about the way you post and come across that I DON'T like. But...with that being said, I'd like you to realize that that is NOT the intent of this post...I've got a direct question I'd like to ask tho... You made the following statement: I'd agree with that. But then, after having re-read your post twice, there was one thing that I think we've overlooked... You alluded to in the beginning of your thread that he may have gotten it from you...and again later in the posts. By your own admission then...you're cheating on him?!?!?! I'd have to remember who you are to know if we agree on things or not-there's no way of knowing who gave it to whom just yet. I'm can't be positive he has it. I'm not in a committed relationship to him-although that may change-I can't view him sleeping with his CLW as cheating on me-so why would me choosing to have relationships with others be viewed as cheating on him?
Author Mr Spock Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by Debster Spock, I'm sorry to hear about the situation. I do hope that the STD in question will not have long-term effects. I also hope you have come to a decision about the pregnancy that you are comfortable with. I believe that this guy is nothing but problems for you and that he is not worth your time or attention, however it is your life and for some reason you think this guy is worth holding on too. I hope that your realtime friends can convince you otherwise. Good luck. I do understand that....it's just gone too far at this point to turn away.
Author Mr Spock Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by blind_otter My sympathies - this is a difficult situation, but you seem to be pretty determined and self-assured. But I guess because of my experience, it's iffy to try to get revenge for the STD contraction. I say this because.... I contracted chlamydia last summer. Strange story - apparently I got it sometimes at the end of 2003 from my exhusband. I didn't even have symptoms and found out 8 months later at my annual. I had had sex with 2 different men in the interim, and all were informed and tested. None of them were positive! One of them had a girlfriend who tested negative as well. Apparently I had some magical kind of chlamydia that wanted to infect only me and not give me any symptoms. My doctor went on to give me a pamphlet that stated 50% of the sexually active population in the US has had or currently has chlamydia; 80% of the sexually active population has had or currently has HPV (which causes cervical cancer in women). And condoms don't protect against HPV. Those are ****ty odds. It's very VERY common. Apparently, being on birth control can make your cervix more susceptible to contracting Chlamydia. I'm NOT trying to get revenge. I've told him, when he asked if I was going to f*ck him over to "get" him, that I could have done so already. That's not what I'm trying to do. I just want him to start making decisions.
Owl Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock I can't view him sleeping with his CLW as cheating on me-so why would me choosing to have relationships with others be viewed as cheating on him? Can't fault your thinking there. It sounds like a rough situation all the way around. In truth...I don't see anyone coming out of this happy...or healthy.
Moose Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 I can't view him sleeping with his CLW as cheating on me-so why would me choosing to have relationships with others be viewed as cheating on him? I have a question then. If he does decide to break his marraige up, could you be for certain that both you and him could stay faithfull to each other, or is this pattern of sleeping around going to continue? I realize that in the beginning it'll most likely stop completly, but what about later once you two become comfortable?
Author Mr Spock Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 I am certain that I am completely capable of being monagamous (sic). As for him, I'm certain he's capable of it too-if people's needs are met in a relationship they don't tend to look elsewhere. It's tit for tat. If he doesn't want me sleeping with other people (and he doesn't like the idea of me with other men NOW when we're not in a committed relationship) then he knows he can't do it either.
Barby Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 It's tit for tat. If he doesn't want me sleeping with other people (and he doesn't like the idea of me with other men NOW when we're not in a committed relationship) then he knows he can't do it either. Don't want to take this out of context so I think I'll ask to clarify.... So are you saying that if he does in fact cheat that you'll do the same? You have clearly not be so "safe" in the past (going on your post only) so do you really think this type of mentality is the right one to base "faithfulness" on? And is it wise to your own physical and sexual health?
Author Mr Spock Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 No it's not so much a mentality but a reality. He knows that I can have my pick of lovers (and I'm NOT tooting my own horn, just saying that's the way it is)and the only thing preventing me from doing so is my feelings for him. Now, by HURTING me or doing things that would make me not want to be with him or damaging the relationship (ie cheating, abuse)he understands that I could very well take my pick.
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