Mr Spock Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 You think your love life sucks right now After an explosive, highly sexual affair and subsequent termination of pregnancy I told my MM (not actually married) that I wanted him, and I'd have him and it was only a matter of time before that happened. He doesn't dissuade the idea. The doctor called me in the other day to inform me that I had picked up a very common, easily curable venereal disease (oh the holidays, the gift that keeps on giving) after reviewing my recent sexual history he was pretty sure that MM had given it to me. So I had to tell him. I didn't blame him-we're both adults-both made the decision to be there. He's just f*cked now and he knows it. He thinks I gave it to him, I think he gave it to me . If I have it, he has it, and his woman may very well have it as well. It's not life threatening, so he has some time to figure out what is going to happen. I made it clear that it (him getting caught, and us getting together) was going to happen sooner or later and that I was sorry it was going to come out this way. He knows how I feel about him-I told him I wanted to know what he was going to do about me, because I wasn't going away. He stated he needed a couple of days to sort out what he was going to do, and that we'd have contact on Monday. This is not the way I would have chosen to do things.
Barby Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 All I can say is "I'm sorry you're going through this" I hope things get better for you. Do you think there is a chance he might leave her and be with you, is that the option you're looking for....did he want you to terminate the pregnancy? If not how did he feel about it?
Author Mr Spock Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 Well, he doesn't have much to look forward to if he stays, now does he? He can't slip her the antibiotics without her noticing, and confession will lead to ruination. He knows he's f*cked.
Barby Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock Well, he doesn't have much to look forward to if he stays, now does he? He can't slip her the antibiotics without her noticing, and confession will lead to ruination. He knows he's f*cked. Actually I have no idea what he has to look forward to but yes it seems very likely that he is screwed...unless she is a very forgiving woman...?!! I honestly do hope things get better for you..and by your response I assume?? that you do have hopes of him being with you??!! If this is what you're seeking then by all means I hope it happens for you..
Author Mr Spock Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 Yeah. He told me to relax and take it easy for a few days while he figures out what the hell he's going to do. I'm suprised that I'm not freaking out-but I'm not so far, just resigned. I think he understands it's gone further than him pulling up his root(s) and leaving. He kept asking me if I had any idea what was involved in ending his relationship (kids, house etc) but it goes to show you that if you want what you have you shouldn't throw it away. Which he did long before he met me.
Sam81 Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 [color=indigo][/color][font=times new roman][/font]I would say that I you think he gave it to you and if he says something that you dont want him to say why what the hell with it if he keeps on doing it dump him ad find a new man
Barby Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 but it goes to show you that if you want what you have you shouldn't throw it away. Which he did long before he met me. Truer words were never spoken. Even if you got involved knowing he was involved..he must have been looking for something outside of what he had...SO he shouldn't try and put it on you when it comes to "ending it" and yes he did (IMO) get what he deserved for not respecting what he had or ending it to have something better with you before this all came down.
Author Mr Spock Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 It's not even that-all the indicators of why I SHOULDN'T want him are there-but I don't give a rat's ass. I want him, he makes me happy. Regardless. Of course I haven't lived with him and haven't had to deal with him peeing on the toilet seat-but he hasn't had to deal with ME. I'm just going to try and not think about it this weekend and focus on having fun, for the first time in months. I dunno. I'm just glad that he's forced to do something on HIS end finally, instead of me being the one pushing for something. I think it's a good wake up call many MANY people need.
Moose Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 If you ask me....you both got what you deserved. .......and then some. When will people realize that your sins will find you? HA Question, if he gave it to you.......where did he get it from? His wife? Huzzy on the side #3 or 4? How can anyone trust a cheater.......I can't fanthom it!
Author Mr Spock Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 It's not so much the "deserve" aspect Moose, we're both incredible pigs-very very much alike-it's just that the tables are turned-instead of ME mooning over him and wondering if he'll ever leave and yadda, yadda, yadda the onus now is on HIM. To deal with his life, whatver may happen. May the Gonorreah fairy kiss your pillow Moose (that's not what I have, if you're that curious)
Ladyjane14 Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock .... I think he gave it to me . Originally posted by MooseQuestion, if he gave it to you.......where did he get it from? You know, Spock. That's actually a pretty good question.
meanon Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such difficult times. If you were the one pushing for something, presumably you were not happy with things as they were and he was. As you say, this is not the way you would have chosen it, but it may resolve things either way. It's important that you begin to think about what you will do if it doesn't. He may well want to continue as before, if he is able to. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you, spock.
Moose Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 May the Gonorreah fairy kiss your pillow Moose Ewwwww! That's just grosssssss!
Author Mr Spock Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by Ladyjane14 You know, Spock. That's actually a pretty good question. He's also picked me as his confessor-without my asking he's imparted earlier infidelities to me. Can one trust a cheater? I've cheated in previous relationships-I've been on all sides of it. If you're happy, you don't cheat, and if you're not you shouldn't be in that relationship-it's not an issue I have.
Author Mr Spock Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by meanon I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such difficult times. If you were the one pushing for something, presumably you were not happy with things as they were and he was. As you say, this is not the way you would have chosen it, but it may resolve things either way. It's important that you begin to think about what you will do if it doesn't. He may well want to continue as before, if he is able to. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you, spock. I know. He wasn't happy about things, his life-he told me he doesn't like to have to get up and go home after any of our meetings. I'm just releived in a way because this puts it on his shoulders-I'm not sure what I'd do if he doesn't. Certainly he is aware of how strongly I feel, and I made it clear I'm not just going to go away. He may not even HAVE VD, which would certainly not sway things in my favour although I'm pretty sure he's got it as well as me. I asked him if he remembered saying "when it happens, it happens" then said it may happen a lot sooner than he was ready for. He asked then if someone planned to rat him out then I imparted the bad news on him. He wasn't angry with me I believe, but overwhelmed with the realization that his relationship and life in that aspect was over.....
immoralist Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Things are coming to a head. Spock , you're a poster child for what great sex can sometimes lead to: pregnancy, a STD and the break-up of a family. The price we pay for a good orgasm. You're a cautionary tale. What will this guy do? If I remember he has kids, a house and a long term relationship with a common law wife. Those are powerful , conservative home and hearth forces. On the other hand, he is having an affair, impregnated you and contracted a STD, which, most likely, he has transmitted to his wife. These are all family-busting forces. Which side will prevail? I believe he'll do everything in his power to stay in his household and keep you as a side dish. The fact that he has to think about it does not bode well for any sort of family farewell. I predict he'll stay home. For you, I hope I'm wrong. Hang in there, woman.
Ladyjane14 Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock If you're happy, you don't cheat, and if you're not you shouldn't be in that relationship-it's not an issue I have. He's cheating on her with you, and evidence suggests he's cheating on you with someone else. Ergo, he's not happy with either relationship. I'm confused, because if you're just marking time, that's one thing. But if he's the one wasting your time..... And if that's not what you want...... Why put up with it? Is that what you mean be not having an issue with it?
Author Mr Spock Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 I did ask him when was the last time he had sex with anyone else other than me and his CLW. He told me a year ago, when he was away for school-his last "girlfriend". There is a very real possibility I gave it to him-there is just no way of knowing yet. We're not so much worried about that, as thank goodness it's easily treatable. Discussion was in the works as to the fact that him and I ending up together was a reality-I talked from the viewpoint that this would only hasten things along prematurely. The talk wasn't so much him not wanting to end up with me but the horrible task of leaving his family AND having to tell his CLW she may have contracted VD. I told him I needed to know what he was going to do about me, and that I'd contact him next week.
johan Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Hey, Spock. If someone you care about came to you with this same story, what would you advise them to do?
Author Mr Spock Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 None of my friends are too happy that I've set myself up in a situation where I am likely to get hurt badly-then again, none of them are me and have to live with what I feel-I'd tell them if he doesn't do right by them, to walk away.
johan Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 I don't mean to be condescending, by the way, if that's how you decide to take it. I'm only pointing out that I think you aren't taking very good care of yourself, and I'm concerned for you. You're exposing yourself to risks by associating with someone whose judgment and trustworthiness is so clearly questionable. You're compromising your present and your future by wasting time with someone you can't count on for anything. You're risking your own physical well-being: you've picked up a disease and you've had an abortion. And regardless of how you feel about the morality of it, that will be with you for the rest of your life. Your advice to others is usually razor sharp and exactly right. You tend to be really blunt with others and you have little patience for the ones who don't respect themselves. Please take your own advice. Honor yourself by scrubbing these compromises out of your life. PS: He's already done wrong by you. He's already a betrayer and a cheat. Those things won't change just because he walks away from her and chooses you. Even if he never betrays or hurts you, that's what he'll be. I hope he doesn't hurt you, but staying with him will be a compromise anyway. What he is and has done will be with him for the rest of his life. You deserve better and I hope you choose better for yourself. Set your sights higher and give me something to admire you for.
Author Mr Spock Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 And I DO see that as well Johan, my real time friends are saying the exact same thing. But that doesn't change the fact that he's what I want. I've done the same relationship ending things he has-it's almost like two dysfunctional peas in a pod. I need that strong personality that keeps me on my toes, or I will end up ripping hearts out and stomping on them, it's my nature to test and push. What give me hope is the fact that he's NOT telling me it's over-he's NOT telling me he plans to stay at home-he's NOT telling me he doesn't want this. He's just telling me he needs to figure out what the heck he's going to do. And how he's going to do it. I've asked him once or twice if he wants to stop seeing me-he doesn't.
Author Mr Spock Posted December 17, 2004 Author Posted December 17, 2004 I shouldn't say "gives me hope" but rather allows me to not have massive anxiety about what he's thinking in reference to me. I'm just relieved, because now he has to make decisions. Either way.
johan Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Well, good luck. Don't wait for him to make some kind of decision before you start taking care of yourself.
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