Syn Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 I use online dating and keep meeting people that proclaim to be head-over-heels to me after a few messages on the dating site and texting for a day or two. They call me pet names, etc. To me it's weird... it freaks me out and I tend to back off because I feel like they're just looking for SOMEONE and not necessarily me. I personally do not feel comfortable with pet names that quickly and don't feel that giddy "I'm really really into you" feeling until a few months in. Some people wait a few weeks for that stuff and it still bothers me. But... I'm wondering if I'm the one that should change here. I have a friend that fully embraces the pet-names-after-one-day thing and she seems to attract people that are actually looking for what I want: affection, romance, madly-in-love type feelings. But... they tend to me short lived. I on the other hand tend to end up with people who really don't seem that into me in the long run. But it also stretches over a several year span so it looks like a hill. low attraction -> "in love" > attraction fades (usually on their end, not mine.) Hers look like this: high attraction -> abrupt end -> high attraction with another person a few days later What I want is: low attraction -> attraction steadily builds -> in love -> high period fades into deep long-lasting relationship. But is there a possibly of: high attraction -> long-lasting relationship? I'm thinking this time I might give one of these people that seem so head-over-heels with me so quickly a shot, because maybe it will give me what I'm looking for? Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
f1asr88 Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 I use online dating and keep meeting people that proclaim to be head-over-heels to me after a few messages on the dating site and texting for a day or two. They call me pet names, etc. To me it's weird... it freaks me out and I tend to back off because I feel like they're just looking for SOMEONE and not necessarily me. I personally do not feel comfortable with pet names that quickly and don't feel that giddy "I'm really really into you" feeling until a few months in. Some people wait a few weeks for that stuff and it still bothers me. But... I'm wondering if I'm the one that should change here. I have a friend that fully embraces the pet-names-after-one-day thing and she seems to attract people that are actually looking for what I want: affection, romance, madly-in-love type feelings. But... they tend to me short lived. I on the other hand tend to end up with people who really don't seem that into me in the long run. But it also stretches over a several year span so it looks like a hill. low attraction -> "in love" > attraction fades (usually on their end, not mine.) Hers look like this: high attraction -> abrupt end -> high attraction with another person a few days later What I want is: low attraction -> attraction steadily builds -> in love -> high period fades into deep long-lasting relationship. But is there a possibly of: high attraction -> long-lasting relationship? I'm thinking this time I might give one of these people that seem so head-over-heels with me so quickly a shot, because maybe it will give me what I'm looking for? Thoughts? I could kind of understand if you were meeting someone physically, and it were love at first sight and you blew them away within a couple of dates! But just through a couple of days of messaging? I'd be really sceptical, I think those guys are looking for a fast-track way into your pants to be honest, as maybe your friend keeps experiencing? Don't change to something you're not, take things at a pace you feel comfortable with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Syn Posted November 8, 2013 Author Share Posted November 8, 2013 Not sure if it makes a difference but these are guys and girls. But I guess girls can also only want one thing too. xD I'm going to continue browsing now before I start to sound sexist. Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 I believe that love is a basis essentially built over time; refined in the fires of trial and time. This is what you are looking for. I do not think a fast head-over heels type approach will yield you what you desire. Online dating is usually filled with a pool of nasty, and deprived people(they out number the good ones), these bad people will only ever want one thing. They will stick around and use sweet nothings to their gain. Not to say the OLD is a waste of time, it is not entirely so. There is that rare quality person, geninuely seeking a long term relationship. The problem is not you. Pet names after a few texts is too fast, and is these people's fault. It doesn't make you feel comfortable - why do it now? You can see the failure rate your friend is having. OLD is hard. Since so many creeps are online. Of course, any dating is hard, and may take several partners, before you find that one person for a true LTR. For example: My co-worker went through a series of women(ten total), before finding his now wife. This via OLD. My advice: Keep trying, and do not jump the gun too fast. You'll only hasten any failure to come. Do what is within your comfort level. This way you can find a partner that fits your personality a bit more keenly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 I totally get what you're saying. I was doing OLD and absolutely HATED when guys would message me with "Hey sexy" "Hey baby" "Hey beautiful"........ Anyway, I agree with you, professing love so quick is more often than not a red flag and the man (or woman) is a spark chaser and will drop you like a hot potato as soon as things start to settle and they'll go looking for the next exciting thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Pet names early on creep me out. It just takes away the giddy specialness of it, cause it's like oh it's been a week and you are calling me baby...clearly you do that to everyone you date. Meh. OP you can absolutely have HIGH attraction right away but still take the relationship slowly. That's what I do. The first time I met my BF I was blown away, to say there were sparks is an understatement. He was gorgeous, funny, nice, brilliant....I was enchanted! Very easily could have gotten swept away and jumped right in but I didn't and I am the one who set the pace of things. We saw each other regularly (2-3x/week) and got to know each other OUTSIDE of the giddy chemistry. I don't know how I could date someone I felt low attraction to at first, I mean what would be my motivation to keep dating them if I felt "meh" about them? Look for high attraction but keep it in check and get to know someone! Your friends pattern of jumping in so fast and getting burned sounds exhausting. I wouldn't wanna be with someone who has a history of doing that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 I need high attraction right away. I need to feel giddy, I need the butterflies. Like vegirl said, you can still take it slowly. I went on a bunch of low attraction dates with decent guys. It was so depressing, I wanted to cry at the end of them. I don't know how people force a relationship like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Syn Posted November 8, 2013 Author Share Posted November 8, 2013 I have definitely wanted to cry after a date like that. Glad I'm not the only one. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts