strive Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 To those who already moved on, how did you know that you've fully moved on and achieved near 100% indifference? I sometimes think I'm mostly there and that if/when I need to face my ex it'll be just another normal (if detached) chat with a friend you haven't seen in a while. But I've seen posts here where people think they're completely okay now but suddenly breaks down the moment they come face to face with their exes. If you've been in NC for so long, how do you know that the next time you see each other you won't go back to square one? Is experiencing it firsthand the only way?
not-a-drive-by Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Hi strive You'll know that you've moved on when they are longer on your mind, or a priority. You'll stop counting the number of days/months of NC and thoughts about contacting them no longer occur. I recently met with my ex to finalise my phone account details (transfer titles), and there was no attraction between us. To me, he was just like another male friend. There was no urge to contact him after meeting that day. But back many months ago, a meeting like that would've affected me for a day or two. But not anymore . Done and dusted. We'll probably never speak or see each other again, but I am okay with that. 1
Syn Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 I had two ex's I hung out with again after a long time of not speaking. The first time there was just no attraction there at all - physical, emotional, nothing. We had a fun time talking but I was slightly appalled at the thought of being anything other than buddies. The second one there was an inkling of something there still, but I had no desire to act on it. This one actually tried to get back with me for a long time and I just wasn't interested it. I still "liked" him, but it was a minor crush that I did not want to pursue at all. So I won't say that when you see them there won't be anything there at all... but if there is, you won't have a desire to act on it anymore. You won't care. 1
Author strive Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 Thank you for answering, not-a-drive-by and syn Hmm I have no desire to contact him and don't feel anything at all when I think of him a former partner (when I think of him as my daughter's father though is entirely different--that way lies anger) I suppose I'll just have to wait and see what happens the next time we meet.
greenfairie Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Look at how far you've come months ago. I don't know how recent your breakup was but for me, I just look at how far I've come. I look at how I was almost a year ago, I was in a miserable state of mind. I didn't want to go out or do anything. I was so sad. Weeks later, I snapped out of that miserable mode I was stuck in and did things. Started working out, hung out with my best friends a lot. I think being around great company who loves you and makes you laugh is a great cure to anything. My therapist was telling me that she knows I've moved on but I just don't know it yet. Because like you, I sometimes feel like I've moved on but there are moments where I just feel that raw pain I felt first day. When I saw my ex, I felt no desire to act on my feelings even when I felt like there was something there. 1
greenfairie Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 I honestly even remember thinking while he was talking to me, "He is so not my type anymore. How am I not attracted to this guy?" My attraction for him was just gone. But I still do remember the feelings of how handsome and attractive he was… IN THE PAST. Presentwise, I don't think that at all and that helps me not to chase after him I guess lol
Chi townD Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 One morning I woke up, had breakfast, took a shower and was halfway through my day when I realized something. That morning when I woke up, she wasn't the first thing on my mind. Actually, I didn't think about her at all. THAT'S when I knew I was starting to heal. 2
greenfairie Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Oh, and there's another example, I'd spend the whole weekend with this guy that I'm now exclusively dating.. After we parted ways to go home, I stopped myself for a second and realized I haven't even thought about my ex. I've never felt so strong… THE NC really does work. And trust me, I've had sooo many relapses. If you feel the urge to message him, message your good friend instead! She/he would help you be distracted by the urges.. It's like a bad habit you wanna kick
d0nnivain Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 After my worst break up I had to play a game with myself to stop crying. First I promised myself I wouldn't cry for an hour, then 2, then 1/2 a day, then a whole day. . . etc. I realized I was done & fully healed when one day I realized I couldn't remember the last time I cried over him. 1
JDPT Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 You meet someone new. That's how you know. :-) Speaks the truth 2
Author strive Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 One morning I woke up, had breakfast, took a shower and was halfway through my day when I realized something. That morning when I woke up, she wasn't the first thing on my mind. Actually, I didn't think about her at all. THAT'S when I knew I was starting to heal. That sounds awesome. I wish I'd wake up like that one morning.
Author strive Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 Additional question for those with bad breakups: Does healing/indifference come with forgiveness? Or are they two separate things. I mean if you're healed you shouldn't care about the past right? Or do you still think of your ex as a**holes or b****** but you know that you've moved on.
Ordinaryday Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 when you don't wonder about how they are going anymore, because you don't care. when you don't feel the need to ask questions like this, because you don't care. and when you find the idea of them contacting you (something most dumpees long for in the early breakup stages) to be horrible and gross, because you truly want nothing to do with them.
d0nnivain Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Additional question for those with bad breakups: Does healing/indifference come with forgiveness? Or are they two separate things. I mean if you're healed you shouldn't care about the past right? Or do you still think of your ex as a**holes or b****** but you know that you've moved on. In a "closure thread" I posted about what this guy did to me & how I got the closure years later but in the beginning, I called him D!ck Head to make myself feel better. As a joke, one of my other friends said that was a bad name for mixed polite company & renamed him Richard Cranium. While I no longer harbor any ill will or bad feelings toward the guy (& based on some subsequent events feel like I dodged a bullet) there are some people who were more prominent parts of my life then that still refer to the guy as Richard.
cavalier99 Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 I really started feeling over it after 6 months NC. By month 7 it was done. I broke NC to see what she was doing. We sat down and i looked a pics of her and new guy, laughed reminised ecetera. We also talked about the girl i had just started dating. It was very comfortable and there was no jealousy or butterflies ecetera. I couldnt have cared less. Breaking NC after becoming indifferent actually helped me knock her and even the concept of NC off its pedestal. And there was nobody on this site who was more harcore about NC than me at the time except taramaiden. It was my final step in recovery. I wouldnt advise this for everyone but the risk worked for me. I always wanted to at least be on good terms with her. i had known her for over 14 years and we dated 8. Anyway. If you can sit down with them and wish them the best in their new rs ecetera it is one way of knowing you are complelty recovered. Rock on! Cav
ponchsox Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 When you don't think of your ex while having sex with another.
Blastoplast Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 When you don't think of your ex while having sex with another. WRONG I was having sex with women 3 months after I broke up with my EX and we were together for 7 years. It took me a year and a half to get fully over her, the final nail in the coffin was a week after I found out she was dating somebody. For me, it's when you can think of your EX and you don't think of the good times, or the bad. It's when you can't remember the touch of their body, the smell of their hair, the sound of their footsteps coming up the stairs. You're over your EX when you think of them and they make you feel nothing. When you forget this site even exists I'm over my EX but I still come on here to see how other people are doing and to give some advice. There are TONS of interesting stories on here that I just can't turn my back on 1
Axee Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 When you look back and think.."What the hell was I doing " !!
Haydn Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 Maybe when you realise how much damage was done to wallet dept! I shudder to think how much folding stuff i parted with. But joking aside i guess it must be when you meet someone who gives you the spark back....
j.gman Posted November 10, 2013 Posted November 10, 2013 You'll know that you've moved on when you've found another gf/bf and are happy in this relationship.
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